I've been chatting with this guy; we've had some excellent conversations and he's super nice. He's in a very similar situation as myself but is looking for "friends" - whatever that means. Ok, so we all know what that means. Anyway... He hasn't wanted to share a photo so far. That's OK by me as we're just chatting and I'm not all that confident either. So a couple days ago I'm waiting in a store parking lot, no one else is around. Another car pulls up just a couple spaces away. The guy gets out and goes into the store and then out again. I load up Grin*r for no special reason and see my friend is online... 21 feet away... I look around, refresh, and it's still 21 feet. I look over and the guy in the car is on his phone too - talking, not surfing. I quickly check his profile stats.... IT'S HIM! PANIC! Why? Because this guy is out of this world gorgeous. Like chipped from solid marble Greek God gorgeous! And I'm... not. Or at least I've never felt I am. I quickly close the app and drive off. Stupid, but I didn't know how to deal in that moment. So now this guy that I wanted to meet.... I've seen him without him knowing and he's beautiful and it's made me feel like a redneck Quasimodo. Can anyone relate to this feeling of being inadequate compared to potential "friends"? I don't even know what to do from here but I just can't imagine someone like him would want to hang out with someone like me... How sad is that? I realize this probably reads like 10 grade, but I just wanted to put it out there. Any thoughts? Similar experiences? Thanks!
Haha bless you. Yes I am not a gay male but can definitely identify with how you feel. I had a different thought whilst I was reading this though. What if he really likes talking to you for who you are and he doesn't want to send you a picture because he is bored of guys who only like him because of his looks. I'm not saying it's right but it's a thought. I mean if he was solely interested in what you look like he would have asked to see a pic by now surely.
It's not all that 10th grade only, it's actually extremely common, and it may or may not make any difference. And there is a market for redneck Quasimodos, believe it or not. And some of the people who desire them are "drop dead gorgeous." You could be right though, maybe he'd discriminate against you. But I have a great way to find out. He says he's interested in "friends." Do you think he's serious? If he is, then why not send him a pic and tell him you're interested in being friends too? It's a hookup app, so the odds are that no matter what you look like he'll vamoose. But to get to your question. I have struggled with this like you for a long, long time. I know for a fact I have a lot of company. We're all comparing ourselves to others, and finding ourselves inadequate. You'll be able to pick out the ones who don't--they're the guys who are always at the center of attention, who know everyone, and who always are talking. They usually can be found in politics or management. A long time ago, I used to watch reruns of the program, Unsolved Mysteries, and also Bill Kurtis' documentaries on A&E about people like Doris Duke. I liked the ones about rich heiresses who were conned by men who took their money and disappeared. Helen Brach and Doris Duke were both in this category. When you look at photos of the men who orchestrated these scams, and charmed these rich women, I saw men who were (in my personal opinion) butt ugly. In fact, if you've done any studying of con artists, you'll see that most of them are of average attractiveness. Charisma, it seems is weakly correlated with attractiveness. If you're not comparing yourself so much to others, the self confidence could improve and the inner you might shine through more. Anyway, my advice is to turn it into an experiment. You may appear to prove yourself "right," but then again you may not. And maybe the guy is serious, that he really is looking for "friends."
Possible for sure. From talking to him and the way he described himself, I have a feeling he has no idea how beautiful he really is. Which I think it really sweet in a world where so many bland beige people think they are the absolute shit for no special reason at all. Maybe it seems a bigger deal because we're both men? I don't know. But unless there is some major difference between level of attractiveness, you don't really compare the male to the female in a straight relationship. It's apples and oranges. But when it's apples and apples it seems more obvious... just a thought. But it is nice to know others understand and have felt the same way. I don't really know what to do about all this just yet though, but I know I don't want to ghost him. I doubt I'll tell him I've already seen him either. It's weird that him being so hot has actually made me feel like pushing away when logically it should make him all the more attractive. It's ridiculous.
I agree with Faustian — just put yourself out there and see where it goes. And don't take it too seriously — it's just an app. If nothing comes of it, move on.
Agreed! I have been there. As a middle aged guy just coming out I put myself out there preparing for the worst. After a while I stopped being insecure and surprised by the attention from guys I perceived to be "out of my league" and accepted the fact they're either blind, stupid, or maybe a little deeper than I gave them credit for. :icon_wink
