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Need Advice on someone who lied about age.

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by elyell77, Sep 1, 2016.

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  1. elyell77

    elyell77
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    Thank you all, I'm definitely having a rough time with this cause I was falling for him. He played me and betrayed me and that shows a lack of respect. I guess I didn't mean that much to him. I'm not going to contact him again, but if I hear from him after he's back and if he asks to hang out I'm going to tell him that I need to talk to him about what he did.
     
    #21 elyell77, Sep 4, 2016
  2. Anthemic

    Anthemic
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    Great idea! Will you please keep us updated? I'm already so invested in this situation and I really hope it works out for you! :slight_smile:
     
    #22 Anthemic, Sep 4, 2016
  3. Chip

    Chip
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    For me it is less about the specific situation and more about the behavior that leads to it. Anyone willing to lie about their age when they are meeting someone is showing a fundamental level of dishonesty. One can argue that maybe it's just in that one circumstance but... I doubt it.

    Someone who rationalizes lying about such a fundamental part of who they are does not place high importance on truth and authenticity, and that rationalizing behavior is highly likely to surface again in another uncomfortable situation... such as rationalizing cheating, or going somewhere he doesn't want you to know about. Or... he could be lying about other very significant things in his life right now.

    You simply have no way of knowing what else he might currently be lying about, or what he might lie about in the future.

    If you're willing to even meet with him and discuss it, you're more generous in that department than I would be. That isn't to say that's inherently a bad thing, just... be very, very careful as the risks of getting hurt in one way or another are very high.
     
    #23 Chip, Sep 4, 2016
  4. elyell77

    elyell77
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    I'll keep you all posted, right now I'm just going to focus on the important things in my life, the things that make me happy. I'm no longer going to let a liar bring me down. I really appreciate all the amazing advice. I'll let you know what happens IF anything happens.
     
    #24 elyell77, Sep 5, 2016
  5. elyell77

    elyell77
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    UPDATE - So he got back from his vacation last Thursday and we hung out on Saturday. It was fine and fun as always. I did ask him why he chose an 18 year difference and he said it's cause he doesn't feel like he's in his 50's and that he feels like he's in his 30's. I said so what, own up to your age and he goes, I guess you're right. I also asked if he was ever going to tell me and he said he wanted to but he didn't know how and he wanted to do it in person and not by text.

    So even though I had a good time the seed of distrust is still there, I have zero trust in him and wonder what else he could be lying about. I think my final thought is to just cut it off, I do have feelings for him and it's going to hurt for a bit but I think it's the right decision.
     
    #25 elyell77, Sep 13, 2016
  6. Chip

    Chip
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    I agree with you. With rare exceptions, people don't just lie about one thing.
     
    #26 Chip, Sep 13, 2016
  7. Quantumreality

    Quantumreality
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    elyell77, I think you are making the right decision to cut off the relationship, despite the tear to your heart strings.

    I'm 51 myself and, while I, too, feel much younger than the number which is my age, I would never lie to anyone about it - especially not someone I wanted to have a real relationship with. Honesty is a baseline requirement for any possibility of a long-term relationship.

    Good luck!

    Take Care! Stay strong and proud!:slight_smile:
     
    #27 Quantumreality, Sep 13, 2016
  8. elyell77

    elyell77
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    Thank You! Now I have to decide if I tell him or just stop talking to him.
     
    #28 elyell77, Sep 13, 2016
  9. AlmostBlue

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    I think the right thing to do is to tell him. You can tell him all the details if you like, but you could just say it's just not working out. That's your choice. But just ghosting is never a great idea, especially after dating for a few months
     
    #29 AlmostBlue, Sep 13, 2016
  10. elyell77

    elyell77
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    It's not like I talk to him everyday anyway, I'm going to wait for some of the pain to go away before I tell him.
     
    #30 elyell77, Sep 14, 2016
  11. CameOutSwinging

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    Agree with this. You should be honest with him, just like you wish he had been honest with you.

    Plus hopefully he can learn a lesson from all of this.
     
    #31 CameOutSwinging, Sep 14, 2016
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