Did anyone else feel different to how they thought they would feel?

Flip the genders around and I can definitely relate to how you feel. I think it is just part of the road to self acceptance, I had these feelings a lot more at the beginning of this year but less and less as time goes on. I honestly think it just takes time.

 

As Totesgaybrah said, acceptance takes time. I cannot say how long I've meandered around my gender, my sexuality, my identity. But that's okay.

After questioning really all my life, I am sure of my gender as a trans-male. Though sexuality is a different story. Sometimes I think, "Alec you're so gay." Others I think, "well this is strange, you're stone cold ace." So I kind of just shrug it off - sexuality really isn't a big deal for me at this point and being just "queer" is good enough. Give yourself breathing room. It is perfectly alright to not have everything figured out at once. In time, things will come into focus.

You're not doing anything wrong. Questioning is natural.

 

I never thought that choosing to transition would make my life better, nor did I think figuring out if I really did like girls would... Actually, finding out I liked girls has made my dating life a little more complex, simply because I feel almost phobic of dating them tbh, no matter how interested I am in romancing some girl later in life. :/ I should probably make a thread dedicated to this peculiar phobia of mine, but I'm a little afraid people might take me saying "I'm afraid to date girls" as "I hate women" or "I hate myself", both of which are not true statements. XD Anyway, transitioning has made my life sooo much better, but not in an everyday way. Really, it's just gotten rid of so much anxiety I used to have, and while I still get some anxiety because I am an openly transgender man, it is so much better than the anxiety I used to get...

 

I think you are spot on, I spent years and years hiding who I was from everyone including myself and have only been working on proper self acceptance for about 10 months.

So many times in the past I would think maybe I'm gay, then I would just forget about it and try to shove it into the back of my mind only to resurface some time in the future.

It feels so much better now to face these feelings head on and not hide anymore.

I think you should definitely cut yourself a break, it takes time, in 6 months you will most likely feel better about all this.
Good luck!

 

I thought, too, that you knew you were gay/not straight from a young age. So I was always like "Cool, I'm not gay. Don't have to worry about that ever."

But then as I got older I realized "Crap. I'm not straight, am I..."

It felt different than I thought in that I accepted myself a lot faster than I thought I would. Like I supported LGBT rights and stuff but I didn't want myself to be part of it because... No, I don't even have a reason for that.

But yeah, it did feel different, but it a different way than yours.

 

Yes absolutely I had all of those thoughts you laid out, that really could have been me writing that. I think it is often not helped by people who do have the feeling that once they realise they are gay or come out, everything does literally fall into place. Im not saying they shouldnt feel like that I just think it adds to our doubts.

 

Yes coming out to myself was way more difficult that I ever thought it'd be. I, like you, thought a person just KNEW right away.

Acceptance takes time.

 

Acceptance, actually does take time, a lot of time in some cases, and for many people. For me, it took 6 years to fully understand and accept my feelings for women. Because there was a time when I tried to push my feelings away, but I eventually realized that they were not going to go away.

I actually put myself through a lot of emotional turmoil because I guess I just didn't want to be different, but being different is ok. Like, I have several piercings and tattoos and I'm a mother, so when a lot of people see me, they're like, "Wow, you have kids?!" I get so many compliments on how I present myself and my appearance that it makes me feel so good about myself that hey, I figured being different isn't so bad after all.

Honestly, I believe being attracted to women has really changed a lot of aspects of my life. It's made me a stronger person, with really thick skin, which is so necessary these days because people can be so harsh. However, it took years for me to get to this point and at some point you'll be 100% ok with who are you, so don't worry, the road to acceptance isn't something that occurs overnight, but you're on the right track.

 

This is one of the most common subjects in LBGTQ+ community that i can't relate to at all. ever since i started getting sexual urges i knew it was for men. i used to watch straight porn for a year or something, and i did enjoy it and i even got erections, but it was me focusing on the man instead of the woman, than i decided to check gay porn, it was probably both instinct and curiosity. due to being raised in a religious household, i used to try to tell myself this isn't what i like and check straight porn and try to get a boner. like one time i legit got upset over the fact that my penis won't erect watching straight porn, i got off the laptop, went to the bed and laid down disappointed and done with life... oh god :roflmao:
but i never got into an existential crisis over being homosexual or anything like a lot of teens who grew up in a religious environment did. it was something along the lines of "i'm gay, it's a sin.... okay." i feel like i accepted the situation as it is, i knew there was nothing i can do to change 'god's creation."
"I was born this way, god makes no mistakes."

But sometimes i wonder what it's like to be "confused" and try to figure out such a major part of yourself.

 

I can relate, I'm currently going through a spot of questioning myself. I tend to have days where I'm really sure of who I am, and then other days not so much. I also thought that it'd be something I knew right away, but that hasn't been the case for me.

For me it's been more like-

Straight > Questioning > Bisexual > Am I gay or bi? > Gay > Gay but curious > Gay but unsure about men> Gay> Unsure again.... am I actually Bi?

:lol: :eusa_doh:

Yeah, it's a mess. Sometimes I wonder if my mind just likes to mess with me, as I feel all over the place as of late. And going back to a place where I was previously questioning my attractions to women, and will be questioning if I like guys whilst I'm there this time around will be interesting. Even if said place holds some bad memories for me.

 

Personally, I think while I am completely comfortable with how I identify, I still have occasional doubts about it all. I'm pretty sure this stems from the fact that I've never actually been in a relationship with a girl before. Some people ask me how I know that I'm gay if I've never experienced "gay things" before... but I guess I think how do straight people know? Like you get people who are like 14 or something knowing that they're straight - like they haven't ever experienced anything have they?

But anyway back to the thread... I guess I'm like 90% sure I'm gay but can't be 100% certain until I have a relationship with a girl :/ not that one relationship defines you obviously

 

Growing up in the homophobic 80's, I always thought my world or even my life would end if I ever admitted to myself that I wasn't straight. I also thought I would turn into some ugly cliche of the effeminate faggot and that I would immediately catch HIV or get bashed to death in a public toilet block. This is why it took me a long time to accept my sexuality.
I was well into my twenties before I could even say to myself "I'm bisexual" and I was expecting my life to drastically change after that. But it didn't. I was still the person I had always been. But I felt a little bit freer than before. But I still didn't come out to anyone.
Then it took quite a few more years before I actually started to live an active bisexual life, but nothing in me changed - except there was at times a deep feeling of wholeness and satisfaction when I felt I was experiencing my sexuality as freely as was possible. But I was still the person I had always been. Just living my life a bit more freer than before.
I was married at the time and then my wife passed away after a long illness and now I've decided it's time to be honest to myself and accept that I'm gay. But nothing inside me has really changed - I'm still who I always was. Just living my life a bit more freer than before.
I don't doubt that I am/was genuinely bisexual, but at this point in my life I can't reconcile my values with my sexuality: I caused my wife a lot of pain by having sex with men and I don't want to cause that pain to another woman. And I don't want to place a woman in the dreadful position of having to accept or tolerate my wish/need to live as an actively bisexual man. But when I came to this realisation a couple of years ago, nothing changed inside of me. I still felt like the person I had always been. But just a bit more empowered in my life than ever before.
And after a lot of denial, I've recently accepted my wish to have a stable relationship with a man and to come out to the world as gay/bi/not straight. But nothing in me has changed - I still feel like I've always felt. But now I feel empowered and ready to come out to the world.
And about two weeks ago, I met a guy and we're at the start of a relationship. The first time that I've had more than just casual sex with a guy. And lying in bed kissing and cuddling with him feels normal and wonderful and then spooning up against him while he sleeps feels good, too. And of course the sex is enjoyable as well. But what fascinates me more than anything, is that all of this feels just like it felt when I was with my wife - except that it's with a guy. The world hasn't ended, I haven't changed in anyway - I'm still the person I always was. It is this feeling of it all being so normal which I find so fascinating and empowering.
So yes, it does feel different to how I thought it would. It feels "normal" whatever "normal" is.

 

Not really. I knew that I fancied boys around the time I was in elementary school. I didn't really struggle with anything. It's kinda like I expected it to happen.

 

Sunnyskies, I know exactly how you feel! Well, for me it's a different area though but I do recognize those thoughts of yours for I'm havin' such ones about myself.

I'm havin' what I'd like to call 'transthoughts.' At a very young age, I thought that I could live with a secret next to my original life. I have an interest of female fashion and clothin' at a higher level, than others might claim "as normal." As the years passed by, I've grown more and more fond of havin' a second wardrobe so I could dress up as often as possible without havin' anyone else seein' me.
Sometimes I feel like this is what I'm suppose to live and think. Some days I'm very confident about thinkin' that this is my destiny and I'm created this way. Other days I wonder if this is a 20 year phase in life. If so many years has passed by and my interest grown fonder, I don't think it'll take a turn. The problem also is that I'm a straight guy and I would love to share my life with someone for the rest of my life. But which girl could ever love a guy who wishes nothin' more to wear skirts, dresses, blouses and crossplay as different characters? It's really annoyin' and frustatin' to carry such thoughts:S Bein' confused and not really be entirely sure what you feel.
On the latest years, I've been tryin' to accept myself and try to be honest to myself that I'm a guy who's havin' transthoughts and wishes for a second wardrobe. I do hope that you'll find your answer about how you really feel with the help of everybody here at EC I wish you the very best in life and hope that you won't have to feel confused that much longer^^