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The last 14 days

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by Goldensun, Aug 26, 2016.

  1. Goldensun

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    I joined EC just 14 days ago and it's been a very intense two weeks for me. Most of all I feel confident about my decision to stand up and be counted as a gay man and single father of two kids. It's been four years since my wife died and I've invested all my emotional resources and all my time into making sure that the kids are OK. Now I'm taking the time to make sure I'm ok. There's the guy who came into my life just 8 days ago and although I can't say we're in a relationship just yet, I think we're on the way.
    And today I went to a sexual health clinic for gay and bisexual men and got tested for all the kinds of diseases gay men are at risk of contracting. This felt like a very big step and I've been putting it off for so long partly because I didn't want to confront the reality of who I am. But it was a very positive experience and only reaffirmed that it's time to come out of the closet and be honest about being gay and also take responsibility for being gay.
    It's an inspiring place to be in and I'm grateful to have found EC to help me along the way. (!)
     
  2. CameOutSwinging

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    Great job! This sounds really quite encouraging and I'm happy for you!
     
  3. HereWeGo

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    Very nice! How wonderful that you've come to accept who you are and start this next big journey in your life. Your post is inspiring as well.
     
  4. PatrickUK

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    The most important thing is to be kind to yourself. Your wife died and since then you've invested all of your emotional resources into taking care of your kids, so there has been a bit of self neglect going on (and I don't mean that in an unkind way).

    It's great that you feel ready to stand up and be counted and it's great that you have met someone too, but don't over-burden yourself with expectation or rush things. Many men who come out later in life feel like they are entering a second adolescence with all of the feelings that go with it. It's a heady mix with lots of push/pull factors.

    It may feel like time to come out now and take responsibility for being gay, but there is a reason/s why it's taken until now - there is a reason why you couldn't or wouldn't confront this reality sooner and that's why you need to be kind to yourself and take things at a pace you are comfortable with. Don't allow that feeling of lost time to bump you along so quickly that you miss important and revealing steps on this journey.

    Going for a sexual health check up is always a positive thing to do, especially when you have serious intentions of dating. Well done for taking that step!
     
  5. Goldensun

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    Thanks for the wise words Patrick. It does have something of being an adolescent again, or the adolescence I missed out on because I was worried and confused about what I was feeling back then. I'm aware I need to slow the process down and I'm not planning any big moment to come out to the world - everyone doesn't need to know. It's all about taking responsibility for myself and acknowledging what I want and what I am without shame or fear.
     
  6. Quantumreality

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    I can add to that word of caution. The boyfriend of a good friend of mine came out of the closet to his family in his mid-40's, about 15 years ago. When I met him the first time, shortly after he had come out of the closet, he seemed to be a great guy. After about of decade, the relationship broke up because the late-starter boyfriend got TOO involved in the worst (to me, anyway) aspects of the LGBTQ scene: drugs and casual sex. He was making up for his missed youth, but at his age he should have known to put clear limits on his behaviour.
     
  7. Goldensun

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    Thanks for the comment Quantumreality: drugs and alcohol has never been my thing, but the casual sex is one of my weaknesses. But at the same time I'm trying to remind myself that there's a world beyond all of this - a job and two kids and all that these responsibilities entail. So it's good to have a busy weekend of kids' sport and a birthday party for the oldest to bring me back to earth.
     
  8. Nickw

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    Goldensun

    It sounds like you have reached a milestone. After all you have been through this is so great to read. Best of luck as you go forward.