Hello. I tried making a page here months back but it all seemed very confusing so I gave up. Months later I stumbled upon social anxiety support and made a page there. So for some reason I was able to figure out how to work that forum out :dry: Anyway, I came back now that I am not completely lost about how these type of sites work...and well, I guess I want my first "post" to be about the thing that is kind of bugging me right now. Well, I don't really know how to start. I used to think I was bisexual, and now I don't know. Well, I do. I don't really like boys as I thought I did. I used to think I had physical and emotional attraction for boys (not sexual) and only sexual attraction for girls (not emotional or physical). It always made me a little sad, because at the very beginning I thought I was straight. I knew I felt sexual attraction for girls, but I brushed it off as "nothing". However, it always seemed odd to me that whenever I got a "crush" on a boy it wasn't anything meaningful. It was a vague feeling. Very light and slight. That made me sad because it always felt I wasn't capable of really liking a person for who they were. Fast forward some years later and I developed feelings for my math teacher. FEELINGS not just sexual attraction. It blew me off my seat. It felt so important. It felt so big...the feeling. It wasn't just a vague feeling. It was really present and real. Then I graduated and the feeling faded off. Because she was only my teacher and I am 14 years younger than her, and well that was that. I settled into "I'm bisexual". But...something happened again. I was watching (am watching) a series and I developed a weird feeling for a female character. It's a little silly, but the feeling isn't. I felt like this fondness for the character's personality. For her ~girlness~. It hit me that way...through a character. As weird as that sounds. I have never felt like that for a male character. Like wishing they were real, that a person like that really existed. Thinking their voice and smile is beautiful and sweet. I've never felt like that for a male character in any series ever. I think It's meaningful because I recognize that feeling as emotional attraction. I think I'll never feel that for a boy. I used to think what I felt for boys was "emotional attraction" but it wasn't. It was so minuscule compared to what I feel for girls. Girls in general. The idea of girls...femaleness...girlness. There is something there that I just know I can't feel for boys. I don't know if it's weird that I realized this through a fictional character. Maybe it is. But it was important to me. I felt like a lesbian crushing on a female character on tv. Not like a bisexual person trying to crush on female characters or vaguely crushing on male characters. This was real and FUN and natural! It feels nice. I don't know why it bothers me that I don't get the mage three that often. The magic three meaning: sexual, emotional and physical attraction for one person. It bothers me for some reason. It doesn't happen often. I think it bothers me because I always notice boys whenever I'm out. "oh they're good looking" etc. That doesn't really happen with girls at all. So, it's almost like I'm scared of my lesbianism being so dormant. If that makes sense. It is dormant. I am almost always in this state of "boys are pretty...mmm, maybe i could date a nice one". But that is so dry. Who wants that? I don't. I feel like I ~could~ settle for that. BUT why would I? As rare as it is, whenever I get the magic three with a girl, it feels like that is the only true route I could ever really go. Even if it's more rare than the vague 3/10 "feelings" I have for boys, they are real and strong and so much more euphoric. What I feel for boys almost seems like a consolation prize. A "too bad you couldn't find what truly makes you ache to good pain. Here have this. It isn't too bad". I am a little tired of having to take what I feel for boys into account. :bang: I know if I tell someone I'm lesbian but have ~weird sentiments~ for boys they'll roll their eyes and walk the other way and it kills me. I know what I feel for girls and I know what I feel for boys. Maybe the boy box isn't fully empty, but it's nearly empty. Full of admiration and awe...while the girl box is alive and exciting and happy and full of butterflies. I guess it makes me sad to second guess my feelings because I'm afraid other people won't take what I explain to them seriously :icon_sad:
DollyCloud, it's okay to feel confused about your sexuality. Especially if you're still young. A lot of lesbian and gay people go through a thing called "compulsory heterosexuality". We see boys and girls, and men and women get coupled together all the time in media and society especially encourages girls that we MUST have feelings for boys/men or cater to them, so even if we don't, we feel like we have to. I went through something like that when I was younger, but now that I'm older I'm 100% sure I'm a lesbian and no longer care for boys/men. It doesn't mean I hate them. I just acknowledge I have no feelings for them and that it's totally okay. It may take you some time, but you're not alone in your feelings. But also, if you sense your attraction to boys/men is valid and true, it's fine to call yourself bisexual. There's nothing wrong with being bisexual. I hope I helped you out a little.
Wen, "compulsory heterosexuality" explains a lot of what I went through. I thought I liked guys, mainly specific guys, but when I was examining my past interests and doubting my gay-ness, I knew that it was a mixture of societal pressure and friendship feelings that had me convinced I was attracted to them.
I understand what you're saying, but I don't really feel like I'm catering to men. I feel like I do feel things for men...but something more like admiration. A feeling that I want to be like them, in different aspects, you follow? And well...yeah actually to a certain extent I do feel like it would just be so much easier to find a guy to date. More acceptable and there's more straight men than gay girls, y'know? I'm happy to hear that you're clear. That's always nice to hear. I am not 100% clear. I am a little confused. Confused over the fact that I so rarely develop real feelings for people. It never happens with men, it happens with girls but pretty rarely. And that bothers me a bit.
It's why we need to normalize being gay, lesbian, bi, pansexual, etc. The whole culture of LGBT people having to "come out of the closet" bothers me for that reason too. The whole point why people expect us to "come out" is because they assume everyone is heterosexual/straight, because to society that's the "normal" way to be. So yeah I reject it completely.
Honestly I never thought about "compulsory heterosexuality" but I think something like that could've happened. I think ~any~ type of feeling I developed for a boy...be it admiration or friendship, I automatically interpreted as "romantic feelings" because I thought **I'm a girl. That MUST be it**. Something like that.
Well just take your time figuring yourself out and don't worry too much about the labels. Basically, just be you. That's what's most important. And there's a word for people who rarely develop feelings for people, whether romantic or sexual, which is ace. Maybe one day you'll feel that label fits you. I don't know, but I think you shouldn't worry about it too much. If you know you like girls, that's good, and be proud of that as there's nothing wrong with it. As for your feeling of admiration for boys/men, lol...I can't say I relate as a lesbian. I do feel envy or jealousy though, like sometimes I wish I could be like them.
But that happens because most people ARE straight. I think it's normal for people to assume girls like boys and boys like girls. I think that's okay and reasonable.
Oh. I am not interested in those weird labels, but thank you! I don't think lesbian is really a label. it's more a fact. A description. I don't think that people who rarely develop feelings should be called something specifically referring to that. It sounds kind of silly to me! People are different. There are lesbians that easily develop feelings and lesbians who don't. Same with bisexuals and straight people. Those new labels seem wrong to me. Unnecessary. ---------- Post added 23rd Aug 2016 at 07:53 PM ---------- Okay :smilewave
