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Anyone else feel 'creepy'?

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by sunnyskies, Aug 22, 2016.

  1. sunnyskies

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    So this could just be me feeling this way, but sometimes I feel 'creepy' when I think about women sexually. Like I'm a perve or something.
    I know this is probably some form of guilt for my attraction toward women, like that some part of me thinks it's wrong because that's a bit of an underlying message of society. But it's just annoying because I wouldn't feel 'creepy' if I was feeling this way about guys - like it's socially acceptable to look at pictures of shirtless men when you're a woman and to check them out. But somehow when I do this with women I feel kind of creepy, I don't know, does that makes sense?

    Has anyone else felt this way and how did you get past it?
     
  2. Shadstack

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    I get the feeling and I've had it frequently, but not as much recently. I guess it's just not normal, it's weird in a way that you're attracted to the same sex because hardly anyone else in the world is. It feels almost like you're invading into a territory that you shouldn't be near, I know this was certainly the case when I started to developing crushes on guys, not girls. But honest advice? Just let it happen. We can't be happy 100% of the time, and like me, you'll slowly get over it. It's probably not the answer you wanted to hear, but really, it's the only answer there is. You can message me on my wall or reply to this if you want to talk.
     
    #2 Shadstack, Aug 22, 2016
    Last edited: Aug 22, 2016
  3. Rainbow Lantern

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    Oh I totally get it. Before I realized I was gay I always felt super guilty and ashamed/embarassed whenever I would check out a girl at school or during a victoria's secret commercial (seriously how didn't I know?) but eventually when I accepted myself fully I got over it. Checking people out who you find attractive is a normal part about being human. I'm sure girls don't feel bad about checking out guys and vice versa so why should a girl checking out a girl or a guy checking out a guy be any different? Anyways I'm not sure if this helped I just thought I would share my experience in hopes it would help. Best of luck and have a nice day :slight_smile:!
     
  4. sunnyskies

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    Thanks so much guys, like its a huge help just knowing I'm not alone in feeling like this! I thought maybe something was wrong with me or something. "It feels almost like you are invading into a territory that you shouldn't be near," this is EXACTLY it, Shadstack. It feels like I'm encroaching on some forbidden area and I feel wrong for doing so.
    It's so nice to know that you have both experienced this and that for each of you it went away with time. I totally agree with you RainbowLantern when you say why should a girl checking out a girl or a guy checking out a guy be any different. I guess it'll just take some time for me to stop feeling 'creepy' - as Shadstack said I think part of it is feeling abnormal in some way.
    I think also because my two best friends who are in the loop about my attraction to girls are girls themselves, I feel like me expressing my attraction to other women might in some way creep them out, even though they have told me this wouldn't be the case and they have only ever been super super supportive. I just have to try get past this quiet feeling that the attraction I'm feeling is wrong, because I know it really isn't.
    Thanks for your support xx
     
  5. sunnyskies

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    Thank you so much for this offer too by the way, it's so sweet and I really appreciate it! :slight_smile: (*hug*) x
     
  6. ConverseCody

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    I had this feeling so bad when I was younger. However, once I got with my boyfriend and actually carried out acts of love with another man it no longer felt this way. I hope this helped!!
     
  7. sunnyskies

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    Thanks ConverseCody, it does indeed help to know that 'feeling creepy' isn't a feeling exclusive to myself, and that it did go away for you once you were intimate with a man. Reassuring for sure!
     
  8. SkyWinter

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    Yup. I know what you mean. I feel that way about being bisexual and bigender. When presenting female I often think "There is something wrong with me. I must be insane" and when finding guys hot I think "What am I doing. This isn't natural"

    There is a lot of confusion and stress associated with falling into the LGBT spectrum.
     
  9. sunnyskies

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    Thanks for your response SkyWinter, I've definitely realised what you've said above as I've been coming to terms with probably being gay. They always make it look so easy in the media, but man it's far trickier dealing with some of these feelings in real life (which I really shouldn't be surprised about haha!)
     
  10. jenne

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    i can totally relate..that's me! all my friends (girls) checking out guys and then there's me checking out the waitress haha sometimes it's even funny because i feel like i keep a big secret! but yeah i feel so guilty at the same time i feel like a perve like you said.. i realised i'm gay a few months ago so...i don't know what advice i can give you i guess we just need time to fully accept the way we are and our feelings..you are so not alone!(*hug*)
     
    #10 jenne, Aug 24, 2016
    Last edited: Aug 24, 2016
  11. SkyWinter

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    You're welcome.

    Statistically there are very few LBGT people so it's hard to talk about this stuff with most people. They just don't really understand. Also, you will run into certain people who think that your sexuality makes you immoral, or they "disagree with your choice". Like, even if being gay is being a choice, which I don't think it is, who cares? You're not immoral because you find someone hot.

    There are even people who say they don't have a problem with gay people or they criticize homophobia and you think they are reasonable but then you find out that they think being gay is unnatural, or they look down on gender non-conformity, or generally have a secret dislike of gay/bi/trans people.

    When most of the world is like that it's hard not to feel a little weird.

    I'm still in the closet to most people as trans. Even though when I dress and present feminine and actually look pretty hot doing so, I'll think to myself "I can't show myself like this to anyone I know. They'll think I'm a pervert, or that I'm crazy" So I just don't do it.

    That's what is great about a place like this. We can actually breathe a little here.
     
    #11 SkyWinter, Aug 24, 2016
    Last edited: Aug 24, 2016
  12. sunnyskies

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    Thank you so much for your response Jenne, I can't tell you how nice it is to know I'm not alone :slight_smile: Obviously it sucks that so many of us seem to share this same feeling of guilt and shame to some degree and in many ways it would be good if I were the only one who felt like this. But for me personally it's comforting knowing that what I'm feeling seems to be a pretty normal thing to go through as part of the LGBT community. So thank you so much for sharing! x

    I have been very very lucky so far not to have come across many people that hold the view that homosexuality is immoral, but I don't doubt that when I start to become more open about who I am that I will encounter it more. I'm still very closeted at this stage and have felt so heartbroken when people in my life say ridiculously offensive things about the LGBT community in front of me, and try as I do to educate them otherwise they often don't want to hear it and it just makes me more upset.

    Like you say, even though at heart I know that these feelings shouldn't be deemed as wrong, other people can sometimes make you feel like they are. It really is rotten that we are made to feel so guilty within ourselves just because other people don't understand what we are feeling. Take yourself, for example, you don't feel like you are able to express a part of yourself that you actually enjoy because society makes you feel wrong for doing so. It just gets me mad sometimes, you know. As you also say some people don't even realise how some of the comments they make or the views they hold are homophobic, or anti-LGBT; they see themselves as supportive of the LGBT community and fail to see that they do hold some prejudice. I have definitely come across several people like this. That being said, I know this is likely down to not being educated fully on these issues; I know for sure that before I realised I was probably gay that I had some views regarding homosexuality that were misguided. At the time I couldn't see this, but as I've tried to come to terms with being gay I realised I held a few mistaken perceptions, and I'm sure I probably, to some degree, still do. I've therefore come to a recent conclusion that no one can ever understand exactly how it feels to be you, try as they might, because they aren't you and they aren't experiencing what you are. You can think you have a very good idea of how something might feel, but unless you actually feel it, you won't ever really know. And this is something I'm trying to accept and be okay with.

    I 100% agree with your last statement there - the EC has been so extremely comforting for me; just connecting with other people who are going through similar things and being able to be so open about how I'm feeling and to not be judged by it but be welcomed into supportive arms is just the best feeling ever.

    Thank you so much for your responses SkyWinter, and I really hope that one day you will be able to move through this guilt that often constricts us so. (*hug*)
     
    #12 sunnyskies, Aug 24, 2016
    Last edited: Aug 24, 2016
  13. Shadstack

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    Wow, this is probably one of my favourite threads on this site. I didn't know this was as common as it seems to be. :slight_smile:
     
  14. Jellal

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    I only feel creepy when I'm perving out over fictional characters.
     
  15. sunnyskies

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    Me neither, Shadstack. I feel quite reassured that what I'm feeling seems to be quite normal haha :slight_smile:
     
  16. SkyWinter

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    You're welcome. Take care of yourself out there. (*hug*)
     
  17. Morse Code

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    I do feel that way. I don't know how to get past it, mostly I just try to hide it when I'm attracted to another woman. I feel the same way being attracted to men too, like I'm not supposed to be, but not to the same extent. I just have a lot of hang-ups around sex due to my upbringing I guess.
     
  18. sunnyskies

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    You too! xx


    This is interesting because I was brought up in quite a conservative household where no one in my family really talked about attraction or anything related to sex - it always seemed like a bit of an unwelcome or absent topic, I guess you could say. My mum in particular always seemed to have a distaste for 'filthy' jokes or any kind of perverted thoughts. This does make me wonder, now that you've brought it up, whether this might have a little bit to do with me feeling creepy. If you don't mind me asking, what was it about your upbringing that makes you feel that it might have something to do with how you feel about sex? (Please don't feel like you have to answer if doing so makes you uncomfortable in any way).
     
  19. hillwanderer

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    Hi there, just thought I'd weigh in on this because it sounds like I'm in a very similar situation to yours. I grew up in a very Christian, conservative household and went to a strict Christian school for a while. Because of that, it took me a long time to realize that I was gay, because I was so sheltered that I didn't realize that being gay was a real thing. No one talked about sex, not even in the context of heterosexual marriages. I had very platonic crushes on boys in middle school, and I didn't realize until later when people my age started having more sexual feelings and talking about marriage that the way I felt about guys was different than the way most other girls felt, and eventually I realized that it was because I was gay. Anyway, now I'm out to a few friends, but sometimes I feel like I have to hide my personal life or speak about it obliquely, using gender-neutral terms ("the person I went out with the other day," "my significant other," etc.) even though my friends have been nothing but supportive and have never said anything critical about my orientation. I rarely if ever talk about women I find hot, unless it's to another gay person because I know they will understand.

    I guess what I'm trying to say is that it growing up in a sheltered world in which people implied that homosexuality either 1. didn't exist or 2. was a perversion and a choice can really increase those feelings of creepiness when you finally do realize your sexuality. When it's drilled into you for almost your entire life that homosexuality is illegitimate or perverse, you can really take those opinions to heart, and it's hard to uproot them even after you've accepted yourself for who you are.

    Good luck to you, and my inbox is always open if you want to talk! (*hug*)
     
    #19 hillwanderer, Aug 26, 2016
    Last edited: Aug 26, 2016
  20. thrashgal

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    ok, i feel creepy when im crushing on sumbody and they dont kno since i will not pursue it and try to play it off like im not feeling anything towards them but im sure im giving off sum wierd vibe...or when im crushing and i kno they dont feel the same yet i cant stop like-liking them...or when i meet sum girl who likes me and i like her then i try to get closer into a deeper love type thing but shes not comfortable with it, then i just feel like sum obsessed wierd-o...ugh i also hate that im such a pussy to just hit up a chick, i seem to really like the girls who are forward and approach ME..and yea, i remember when i went to a strip club with sum friends and they laughed at me becuz i couldnt even look at the girls...i felt like a creep-o to look at them as objects..ugh..yea im no stranger to feeling creepy, i think this is the reason im turning more into asexual...