Is it normal to feel like this?- break up

Hi
I was with my ex boyfriend from mid last year to June this year, he dumped me about 6 and a half weeks ago and it's been a very odd time.
I am 32 but came out at 25 and he was my third serious relationship, we go in deep quickly and last autumn I got a job nearer to him and stayed with him, we both have anxiety and other issues, sadly I could not cope with the new role and had to leave it. Just before Christmas last year he got very drunk - he is a 29 year old grad student and called me scum and useless and said I was a failure for being a recovering alcoholic and a lot more, I left but we got back together.
We had another blip in January but I got back to work and saw a therapist for anxiety and was discharged from this, he would text me saying he deserved better and such now and then when he was drinking, I made allowances as he was very busy with his studies.
In April he said his college event was booked up but then said weeks later he hadn't wanted to go with me as he was not proud of me. he would also say things like I was not discreet and should not like The Golden Girls. In June we had another bust up and I came home- we agreed to stay together and I would see him after his studies ended, he then dumped me over the phone.
I asked him to get back together but eventually he dropped all my things off and removed me on facebook, I messaged him on there and on a dating site I saw him on as I was feeling very conflicted - we did have a lot of good times and it was not always like the above.
I have been blocked on messenger and facebook by him, I have made no contact for a good few days and am getting better in that I am feeling better and less stressed, the issue is that I still love him and do want him still- I feel very strange that I do want this, he said no to it a while ago and that he was drinking more due to me , I must sound a bit crazy but we did have a lot of good times, I keep thinking about contacting him at some stage for coffee to clear the air.