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My boyfriend

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Gay1234, Aug 17, 2016.

  1. Gay1234

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    Hello, I'm gay and am in my first relationship with a boy who I love. I was supposed to be meeting with him tomorrow but I had to cancel and now he's all upset and acting immaturely about it, he's making it feel like it's my fault. I really love him, but he has depression, he stopped cutting for ages but now since I told him I cannot meet he started cutting again, he doesn't behave the same in chat anymore. I believe that I hurt him a lot by no being able to help. I love him too much to leave but he did have counselling but he lied that he was better so he could quit but now he won't go back. He doesn't listen to me when I try to help, I worry about him but all he says is "please don't worry about it me, I'm fine" even tho he's not fine. He worries about me all the time and helps me if I need to talk and there's not more I could ask for. But when I start to worry about him and try to help him he shuts me out from helping him by saying the qoute above.
    I love him so much, but he can upset me when he does this and doesn't allow me help, once he actually threatened suicide but that is sorted. Im worrying about him but how can I get him to allow me help or do ye think I should leave and hope someone can get him help. This will really break him tho so I don't really want to do that. And plus it took me months and months to find him. We're both in our late teen years.

    Thank You
     
  2. OnTheHighway

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    Before he can have a meaningful relationship with someone, he needs to work on himself. With professional advise, he can do that; which you say he is getting.

    Until he helps himself, I doubt you will be able to help him much.

    This might sound difficult, but the two of you might be better off having some space until he gets better.
     
  3. Gay1234

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    He was getting help but he lied so the counsellor would let him go, so now all his family think he is better even tho it got worse and now he refuses to go back
     
  4. Civiel

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    Talk to him. Tell him that you honestly want to help him over and over and over again. It is either that or leave him altogether. He seems like he is in denial to some extent, but I do believe he actually wants to talk about his troubles. I don't know any of you, but it seems to me like he might be a bit bitter because he feels like he always helps you with your struggles, but you never listen to him (which I am sure you try to do! But he is being irrational and he can't help it)

    I think i know how he feels and thinks to some extent. I have struggled with jealousy and paranoia myself for a long time, especially in relationships because i get extremely attached. It can drive my friends/significant other completely nuts. But honestly to me (and maybe him) it feels like the world is ending and that the person you love will leave you and don't care about you anymore when they do somrthing as small as canceling plans. It makes little sense, and all you can do is really just to reassure him that you are by his side. He might want you to continue nagging on him when he says he is "just fine and that you shouldn't worry" because he clearly isn't. Ask him about it.

    The best thing you can do is to communicate. Tell him you love him and that you won't leave him (if it that is true naturally) I think he needs that right now.

    Best of luck (*hug*)
     
  5. OnTheHighway

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    Even more reason to move on. If he lied to a counselor, what else is he capable of lying about? Unless you relish the drama, you will be better off moving on.
     
  6. Gay1234

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    I moved on and left him but I don't know how to find anyone else
     
  7. Jax12

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    Would be wise to just take a break first, that's what I would suggest. Chances are, you'll find someone with similar interests, and just go from there.
     
  8. Gay1234

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    My ex blocked me and is at war with me essentially
     
  9. Jax12

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    Unfortunately, that was his choice. Let him cool down first and let him come around to you. There's only so much you can do for him, the rest is on him.