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About soft-natured guys

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by crystalbal, Aug 16, 2016.

  1. crystalbal

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    Hi guys :slight_smile:

    Do you think soft-natured males are suspected as being gay?

    I'm a really soft-natured guy (and a closeted gay). New people who talk to me for 5 minutes will immediately comment that I'm very soft-natured for a guy.

    I do feel concerned if they suspect about my sexuality as men are expected to be assertive being soft-natured is only meant for females by society. (especially in Asia).

    :frowning2:

    Edit: Do you think soft-natured guys will be able to socialize and make friends and also accepted by people?

    I have been told a few times by people that my mannerisms are a little feminine. I do feel embarrassed whenever I get this type of comments from people. And it makes me feel hesitant to meet new people in the future due to fear of judgement.
     
    #1 crystalbal, Aug 16, 2016
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 16, 2016
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  2. exist

    exist Guest

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    My two closest male friends are soft natured (and straight :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:) my sisters boyfriend is too... Oh, so is my female best friend's boyfriend :lol:

    If it is a stereotype, it's not a very accurate one :slight_smile: and I think a soft-natured guy is very attractive.

    I think people would only comment because it's a different sort of personality, not because they suspect you might be gay. I think the only guys who are really that focused on figuring it out might be a little gay themselves. So no, I don't think it's a give-away. But that is my opinion :slight_smile: People just like to comment on things that are a little out of the ordinary to them.

    Edit: Oh, you edited :lol: Yes, I think it's possible to make friends and socialise of course. Finding friends can be like finding people you have things in common with and who accept you. Sometimes similar personalities attract each other, and while you may feel uncomfortable around the guys who seem so different to you, I'm sure you'll find people you share more in common with too :slight_smile: I also have quite a shy personality and I've found this to be the case for me :slight_smile: It can feel awkward trying to socialise with people you don't feel you have much in common with - this is probably true for everyone, but I'm sure there are many great people out there you would get along with really well :slight_smile:
     
    #2 exist, Aug 16, 2016
    Last edited: Aug 16, 2016
  3. Bolt35

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    not really, i think it's a common personality type, but I've met PLENTY of assholes in the gay community. I don't think they're easily suspected as being gay, depending on how you look at it.

    Yea, I think Soft natured guys will have an easier time making friends and being accepted by people, but it doesn't always necessarily mean people will reciprocate.
     
    #3 Bolt35, Aug 19, 2016
    Last edited: Aug 19, 2016
  4. andimon

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    Yes, that pretty much happens every time I meet someone. Even if they don't say it, I'm pretty sure it crosses their mind at some point.

    However, you can use this to your own advantage. If everyone suspects you're gay but you never confirm it, it's so much easier to find other queer people without having to come out.

    You should never feel embarrassed of your personality. Surround yourself with accepting people that support you and ditch the haters.
     
  5. crystalbal

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    Thanks for your positive replies guys :slight_smile: It makes me feel better.
     
  6. anthracite

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    Yeah, the stereotype is, that gay guys are more feminine. But there's sonething postive attached to this, a very good sense of style. And of course softies can find friends too.
    You know Kurt Cobain? Quite emotional you would say, a softie, but a really fucking cool dude.
     
  7. PatrickUK

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    I've looked at this thread a few times in the hope of gaining some insight into what "soft-natured" means, but I'm still not entirely clear about it. What exactly are you describing when you talk about a soft nature?
     
  8. OGS

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    I'm so glad you went there Patrick. I've been popping in from time to time hoping I could figure that out myself.:lol:
     
  9. Joe54321

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    A common stereotype and as others have stated very often not accurate.
     
  10. crystalbal

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    I think I was too brief about it. Sorry about that. :frowning2:

    I'll explain more about my soft nature. :slight_smile:

    When I speak to a person, he/she has to keep asking me to repeat myself because they can't hear me.

    When I close the car door, I do so too gently. And the car door will not be closed completely. And I have to open and close again. This has happened to me many times.

    Many times, people told me my actions are slightly feminine.

    These are some examples of my soft nature. :frowning2:
     
  11. Quantumreality

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    So 'soft-natured' in this discussion equates to quiet, reserved, accommodating/generally agreeable, non-confrontational, a non-alpha personality...?

    None, some, or all of the above? Other characteristics?

    What traits/actions are/would be considered exclusively feminine?

    Like Patrick and OGS, I'm just trying to clarify to understand this thread.
     
    #11 Quantumreality, Sep 6, 2016
    Last edited: Sep 6, 2016
  12. andimon

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    Anything not macho, girl obsessive or intimidating about a guy can look 'gay' to other males. The problem is that, in this patriarchal-sort-of-society, heterosexual men dictate the norm, so anything that doesn't resemble their behavior is frowned upon. Just the fact that "gay" is more often than not derogatory (since femininity is SO WRONG for a man, but not viceversa) should open the eyes of the feminism deniers. Oh, wait, they're also straight males. Makes sense.
     
    #12 andimon, Sep 6, 2016
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  13. crystalbal

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    Yup you are right Quantumreality. :slight_smile:

    Its the quiet, reserved and non-alpha personality that Im referring to.

    I feel that I'm just not assertive too. :frowning2:

    Thanks to other members for their replies :slight_smile:
     
    #13 crystalbal, Sep 8, 2016
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 8, 2016
  14. PatrickUK

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    Have you ever considered assertiveness training? Assertiveness training can achieve good things in terms of our overall emotional health and wellbeing if we properly engage with the process. If people tend to dismiss us, or walk over our feelings it can have a detrimental effect on our self esteem and that's the kind of vibe I'm getting from this thread. I would urge you to think about some assertiveness coaching.

    The other thing to realise is that sensitivity is valuable. Many guys are afraid of sensitivity and try to suppress it and reject it as a viable personality trait. In so doing they damage themselves and their relationships with others. There is a time for strength, of course, but that time is not all of the time. Many men fail to achieve a balance between strength and sensitivity and live life to damaging extremes.

    I don't think you are broken, by any means. If anything you probably need to be more assertive, but that can be learned. What do you think?

    Final point. We should stop short of assuming that feminine men are meek and incapable of asserting themselves. In my experience, these guys are amongst the most assertive and demanding members of the LGBT community. Don't believe the stereotypes!