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being called daughter/son or sister/brother

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by JetBlackHeart, Aug 14, 2016.

  1. JetBlackHeart

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    I'm transmasculine but I'm not out to anyone yet and I'm just curious to how other trans * people (specifically those under the non-binary umbrella) go about being called daughter/son or sister/brother?
    I feel right now that I really don't have an issue being a 'daughter' and a 'sister' (as I'm AFAB) but I want to change my name, get top surgery etc. and present as male (mostly). I am just curious other peoples views on this when they don't identify as 'male' or 'female'. Is it connected with dysphoria and that I just don't experience as much dysphoria with those terms? Does/will it invalidate my identity?
     
  2. Jiramanau

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    Ugh, labels. I currently describe myself as a trans-female tomboy, had I been AFAB I'd still be gender-nonconforming. I'll let you decide if that's binary or not, but I'd like to give my two cents either way.

    I feel like something can only invalidate your identity if you feel like it does. But I also think the real question is: will being called he/him/brother validate your trans masculine identity?
    With language, maleness and masculinity are indistinguishable. If you use feminine pronouns, I think many cis people would assume/perceive you aree a butch lesbian. Where as masculine pronouns will make it clear where you see yourself and how people should interact with you, even if you still get read as female.
    There isn't a right or wrong answer, all that really matters is that you feel right when people address you. Just food for thought.

    ---------- Post added 14th Aug 2016 at 07:54 PM ----------

    I'm personally in between pronouns at the moment. At work I'll use male pronouns until I'm ready to go (female) full time. At home I'm trying to get everyone ready to switch to female pronouns, I think we're almost there. I'm not sure how I'll handle things around my partner's friends and family, I'm sure they won't be too hostile but it would be an easier sell if I waited till after I start hrt
     
    #2 Jiramanau, Aug 14, 2016
    Last edited: Aug 14, 2016
  3. Althidon

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    I find it extremely validating when my mother tells people I'm her son. It makes me feel more accepted. My sister has never called me her brother, so far as I know, but that doesn't bother me as much as being a "daughter" would. We're very close in age and while we are very different people, we were always sisters. I can give her that one, I think, as she has respected my name change, pronouns, etc.
     
  4. Kodo

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    Of course, I would feel absolutely awesome and accepted if I were called a son and brother. However, this is just not the case at this time in my life and I have had to learn that that's okay.

    So I tolerate being referred to as a daughter or sister, though it is disappointing . Mostly, I'm numb to it. I never refer to myself as any gender but neutral (person, they, etc.) and this helps, though in my mind I regard myself completely as male.
     
  5. Dingdang

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    After I came out as MTF, I have begun to notice that my parents are referring to me as their son or my younger brother's older brother more frequently. I know they're doing it on purpose to avoid facing the fact that I'm already starting to transition, and though I don't like it when they do that, I can tolerate it because I know that many people have it worse. For example, my brother knows some kid whose parents abandoned her literally because she was born as a girl. Chinese culture is rather conservative, though I feel that Chinese FTMs might be accepted by their parents more easily.
     
  6. Secrets5

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    Since I'm not out yet, I can't feel invalidated by my parents as they don't know - so they don't know to use gender-neutral labels. But if I was out to them, using ''son/daughter'' on purpose would be invalidating as they're not seeing me as what I really am. Out of what I want, calling me ''child'' would be the easiest, but also ''their enby'' would be good as well [just harder for them] as that is specific to being non-binary.


    I've also heard the word ''sprog'' used for non-binary children, which I assume is short for ''offspring''. There is also ''eldest/middle/youngest child'' [depending on where you fit]. There is also the word ''kiddo'' which is informal for ''child''.
     
    #6 Secrets5, Aug 15, 2016
    Last edited: Aug 15, 2016
  7. Rickystarr

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    Sister isn't horrible though I would prefer brother. Daughter is slightly worse.

    If you don't mind those labels though, that is perfectly alright.
     
  8. anthracite

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    Doesn't invaldiate your gender identity at all. You have other priorities. It's like working out. You get a sixpack and then you start disliking something else. But that doesn't mean at all that you were fine with your body as it was before. In the beginning I didn't mind pronouns and stuff, I focused on passing. Now I pass and some people already use the right pronouns. So it bothers me when others do not. But a funny story from my childhood: I was asked if I didn't want to be a princess. I said: No, I wanna be a prince with a white horse and a shining armor and fight monsters!
     
  9. Lacybi

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    I'm a:
    Sister
    Daughter
    Fangirl

    But I'm also a:
    Grandson
    Boyfriend
    Nephew
    He/him

    And a:
    They/them
    Child
    Sibling
     
  10. GayPugs

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    When I'm a/bigender then I really don't care about being called a daughter and a sister. But when I'm a boy it sucks...I'm working on getting my family to stop calling me that stuff.
     
  11. Snoww

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    My dad calls me princess, but I haven't come out to him yet, although it really hurts inside. My mom, on the other hand, says I'm her child, which is real good. I think I have high levels of social dysphoria, sadly.
     
  12. Dented

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    Not out to family yet, so I've just basically learnt to try and just block out hearing being called what I'm not and just wincing internally every time I hear it.
     
  13. Jellal

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    I would love it if my parents and sister called me "daughter" and "sister" more. But I guess that would confuse some of them, since I have told them I don't like being called "ma'am..." to be honest what really gets me is they don't use female pronouns, only male ones with me, so when they call me other female titles it feels incomplete, like they're only meeting me halfway.

    But I was raised not to complain, so I rarely bring this up.
    I know I shouldn't be letting this stuff get to me as much as it does, but I do think about these kinds of things every day.
     
  14. AaronV

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    My parents call me their "child" most of the time, which is ok. I think they are not that comfortable calling me their son yet, but they even said child instead of daughter before I came out. I'd personally prefer son instead of child, but it's better than daughter. I think I rejected the lable of "daughter" even before I rejected "woman".

    I don't have any siblings so I can't comment on that aspect.