Ready To Give Up My Same-Sex Pursuits Due To The Differing Dynamics Of Same-Sex Roman

Re: Ready To Give Up My Same-Sex Pursuits Due To The Differing Dynamics Of Same-Sex R

You should read your post but imagine yourself as a straight man. Lol that's what straight men say about women all the time, everything is a puzzle to figure out, or it seems like a game but a game where the females hand is stacked with trump cards.
I wish I could offer some actual insight into your problem, but I've been with the same women for 20 years, it took me close to 10 years to finally get her to tell me exactly what the problem was rate away without having to playing 20 questions every time.

 

Re: Ready To Give Up My Same-Sex Pursuits Due To The Differing Dynamics Of Same-Sex R

I don't 'get' when people say they don't get another gender. Maybe because I can relate to both genders well I don't understand the confusion. There are certain things that men and women do that perplex me but I think it's more a confusing human being thing than gender related.

Men and women (and anyone in between)can be vastly different but also sometimes pretty much the same. The best approach is to make sure you communicate properly. Your problem may be the woman your talking with communicates and deals with things in a very different way than you. If your not aware of this and how to work around it of course you'll end up butting heads. Starting a relationship and maintaining it via online only can make things even more frustrating. In fact that's why I know it wouldn't work for me. And maybe this woman you've met, as much as you like her just doesn't work well with you in a relationship sense.

I'm also a honest and blunt person so I know I'd never work well with anyone who was overly sensitive or couldn't speak honestly back with me. Real relationships, can be hard to make and keep, but if you can overcome your partners differences and learn and grow with them Its worth it. Relationships can also be easy but not because you've settled.

Regardless of gender you should be with someone that makes you feel truly loved. You should be able to acknowledge their flaws and accept and love them for them, instead of saying "I guess I could deal with this".

 

Re: Ready To Give Up My Same-Sex Pursuits Due To The Differing Dynamics Of Same-Sex R

Hey Caliwoman! Sounds like you're getting out there a bit!

You question if you're picking the wrong women, and I wanted to be like, "you might be!" Women are a bit more confusing. And I definitely sometimes felt like a dude (or what my understanding of what men would say about women was) when dealing with one. There is definitely a gamey dynamic some women take on that is strenuous for those of us who are comfortable with communication. I did have a conversation with someone on this forum where I talked about my thoughts toward men being blunt and not playing games because they're taught to go for what they want and leave behind what they don't, while women are taught to keep their feelings to themselves and act like everything is fine. I think this dynamic is really interesting...and disturbing, because it's this historically taught restriction.

With that said, there are many women who are definitely not like that. There are also many men who can't communicate well and suck. They just never say anything about anything and swallow it deep down until they have to be on blood pressure medication. Haha.

Anyway, you don't have to deal with women like this. I am one of the communicators, perhaps too well at communicating sometimes. I wouldn't need my partner to ask me what's wrong, they'd just know, lol. When you come across women like this, ones who withhold information so you can guess what's going on, stop speaking to them. If they like you enough, they'll wonder where you are and when things have settled, you can try to have an adult conversation and be like - I can't read your mind so if this is going to work out, you're going to have to be more upfront about something I've done to upset you. I find that people who stay in relationships like this, or seek them out, like drama. And that's fine. Some people love to have drama in their romantic relationships, for whatever reason, but I would keep your questioning at two level mark. Ask once, ask twice, and then forget about it and move on. If they're giving you attitude or acting weird, just don't respond. If you don't want to deal with people who aren't good at communicating because it's too stressful, work on finding the red flags of it, and then letting them be on their way.

OR, you could be finding that, though you're into women, perhaps romantically it doesn't work well for you. That's just one option. I'd say to give it another go if you feel like being with a woman is right. But I totally know what you mean when you talk about the whole, you can overpower a guy in an argument because they just give up. For me, I've found that it's because I'm afraid to get into a serious fight like that with a woman. Perhaps they won't back down, or will get upset and stop talking to me. I do feel uneasy to go as hard at them as I would a guy, but relationships are relationships. If you're with someone you really like, you'll figure out how to navigate it.

Just my two cents!

 

Re: Ready To Give Up My Same-Sex Pursuits Due To The Differing Dynamics Of Same-Sex R

Wow. She sounds ... immature. You need to meet an adult.

 

Re: Ready To Give Up My Same-Sex Pursuits Due To The Differing Dynamics Of Same-Sex R

Yeah. I'd let this one go. You're not speaking each other's language and it's sounding immature bordering on unhealthy. Just let it go. Or take some time. Whatever's best.

 

Re: Ready To Give Up My Same-Sex Pursuits Due To The Differing Dynamics Of Same-Sex R

I consider myself a very good communicator but I am not exactly blunt either and this has always been a problem with me and most men even as friends, I simply don't get their communication style. I do want to talk about things and I am actually likely to bring things up after thinking about them for a while, but if the other person becomes aggressive I get hurt easily and just shut down. It has nothing to do with loving drama (absolutely loathe it), I just don't know how to talk about my feelings when I am feeling overpowered and like the other person is running me over like a bulldozer. Perhaps you have run into similar women and you just communicate differently? Just giving my perspective as probably one of those confusing women. :lol:

From your last message the woman you are talking to seems to be really emotionally unstable, so I think you dodged a bullet with her. I really don't see how any of that was your fault, so don't blame yourself. There are plenty women out there who are stable, and many of them will share your communication style too. Keep looking!

 

Re: Ready To Give Up My Same-Sex Pursuits Due To The Differing Dynamics Of Same-Sex R

Ok, so I had pretty much the same experience with a guy. You need to let her go. By exerting your control in so far as you are deciding when to reply, when to talk or not talk, she can't deal with that. She sounds like she wants to be chased, to be wanted, to be the one in control so she can decide when she calls you, how the conversation will go, when it will end (the whole, don't hang up thing cos I want to talk and then goes cold?).

This is all about control. She wants to be in control and tell you what's happening and when, and how.

It's great to hear that you are pushing back and setting out your own lines - it's only this year that I've got to a place with this guy where I'm the one now in the driving seat and he can't cope with it. It's moved well past the texts of 'are you okay?' if I don't text him one day as he now realises that I just won't reply or I'll reply in a positive, matter of fact and totally honest up front way.

If you think that the firm line you are taking will work and she'll come round then carry on as you've been doing - at least you will have some dignity and self-respect if or when it all ends and you don't end up feeling like you've been manipulated and become someone who you aren't.

She sounds unhealthily needy - and a complete control freak - and projects this onto you in the form of the control she is exerting. Good luck

 

Re: Ready To Give Up My Same-Sex Pursuits Due To The Differing Dynamics Of Same-Sex R

^^ this

 

Re: Ready To Give Up My Same-Sex Pursuits Due To The Differing Dynamics Of Same-Sex R

Gosh, if she's acting this way now, can you imagine how things will be if you decided to pursue things a bit further? I'm sure the same, right. Perhaps, she's insecure and afraid, so she's playing this confusing ass game in which she's figured out the outcome already. But that isn't a way to live, right...I mean, being pessimistic is really toxic and extremely depressing, so I'd suggest you run the other way.

This woman has no idea what she wants and you do, therefore you're most definitely not on the same page, which is fine. But don't give up hope just yet, I'm sure you'll find someone who is more grounded and mature.

 

Re: Ready To Give Up My Same-Sex Pursuits Due To The Differing Dynamics Of Same-Sex R

In my opinion you need to build up a relationship with someone in person not online or by text. Next time why dont you just exchange a couple of messages then meet the person, go for a coffee or a drink or something.

 

Re: Ready To Give Up My Same-Sex Pursuits Due To The Differing Dynamics Of Same-Sex R

Cali, this sound so familiar, as I've described to you earlier. She has become a master at this - clearly before she is able to use words and intonation to the effect it is having on you. I know that it's easy to get so carried away in the heat of the initial contact and you find so much to talk about and it's just so intense. But it's intense for a reason - and in this case it's because she is intense and the fire and interest she has shown sparks you as you are looking or someone who is interested in you and wants to talk and learn more and connect with you.

You talk about not having talked for 3 hours with someone since high school, and I guess the feelings it resurrects are those you probably felt as a teenager in high school...

This is an abusive 'relationship', and good God only knows what it would be like if you two were an item and in a proper relationship. You are being manipulated by this person, and your emotions are being played with. As you've described the 'have a good weekend' is symptomatic of the control - I have decided that we are not going to talk until at least the weekend. You don't have a choice in that matter and if you did think about making contact you'll remember the oblique reference to there being no opportunity from Wednesday onwards to wish each other a good weekend...

My opinion - tanks on the lawn, tell her how she makes you feel, be blunt, don't take any of the guilt trip that she is likely to throw at you, be clear and tell her that her games make you confused about what she actually wants, but it's clear that she herself doesn't really know. Wish her good luck, block and delete. She sounds like the makings of a total bunny boiler.

 

Re: Ready To Give Up My Same-Sex Pursuits Due To The Differing Dynamics Of Same-Sex R

I've been there and done that. I feel ya buddy.

 

Re: Ready To Give Up My Same-Sex Pursuits Due To The Differing Dynamics Of Same-Sex R

I think it's more of a personality thing. I can't be with someone overly-sensitive person male or female because I'm honest & laid-back. A frantic person always busy can't be with me. There can be exceptions but I'd rather not beat around the bush and be direct. If someone is too much of a puzzle for me I'm gone lol.