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I've never felt this way before

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by baristajedi, Aug 12, 2016.

  1. baristajedi

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    There's this song, by Florence and the Machine, and the lyrics start something like "happiness hit her like a train in the tracks"

    If you replace the word happiness with every positive emotion possible, that would describe what hit me yesterday.

    I have been head over heels with this lovely woman since nearly the first day we spent together about 6 weeks ago, and things have steadily been getting more lovely. And I suppose the best way to describe it is that I have for a while been feeling all of those sort of things you hear about, warm fuzzy feelings, a happy buzz, warmth radiating through my body. But we also have been very open, honest, supportive, patient, and totally ourselves with each other from the first day. So in addition to those warm fuzzy feelings, I feel comfort, warmth, a real bond with her. I suppose I have experienced those things with one man in my life in my past. And with other guys, bits and pieces of that stuff.

    But something different sort of hit me yesterday, something I've *never* felt in my life. It started with me opening up about some of my feelings which have been growing. I said a bunch of things I've been feeling for her, and it all just sort of hit me at once. These powerful, raw, amazing wonderful feelings flooded me, and enveloped me. It's hard to describe what it feels like....like this intoxicating, surreal feeling of happiness, warmth, desire, comfort, all sort of mingling together, magnified by a million times, and just flooding me. And being intimate with her, it was....I can't even describe it. It was like waves of those powerful feelings hitting me over and over. This is beyond physical sensation (sorry if this is tmi), it is like a powerful flood of amazing emotions.

    Am I experiencing being in love, totally and completely, for the first time? I never knew these feelings existed. It's just....so amazing and lovely and wonderful.

    If really living as myself, being gay, embracing it and going on my own path means being able to feel the full range of human emotions, especially these powerful lovely ones, then I'm all in.
     
  2. Izi

    Izi
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    So good for you! This is how I feel, and I am SO in love with an amazing woman. It is amazing to fall in love when you have been in the closets for so long <3
     
  3. mvp 447

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    Sorry but I'm confused, is she making you realize that you're gay or is this the first "big love" you've felt from it?
     
  4. tinamg

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    What a wonderful story. I am so jealous of you having found such a beautiful relationship. That is something I have never had (yet).

    I think you ARE in love for the first time. I think coming out has enabled you to fully experience things you could not when you were not out. You are able to now put your whole being into a relationship without any self doubts.

    Good for you!

    Tina
     
  5. baristajedi

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    That's wonderful izi!!! I'm so happy for you!

    ---------- Post added 12th Aug 2016 at 04:08 AM ----------

    She's my first girlfriend. :slight_smile:

    ---------- Post added 12th Aug 2016 at 04:10 AM ----------

    Thanks Tina :slight_smile: you will find the relationship for you. I just fell into this with her...we happened to meet and connect really strongly.
     
  6. mvp 447

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    First, eh? Congrats. I hope it goes well!
     
  7. SiennaFire

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    You are discovering authentic love where you have no secrets, and you can open up and be totally honest and vulnerable. You are dating someone who is aligned with your true sexual orientation. Amazing, isn't it?

    PS - I hope that these feelings eradicate any doubts or reservations that you might have about moving forward with your separation.
     
    #7 SiennaFire, Aug 12, 2016
    Last edited: Aug 12, 2016
  8. baristajedi

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    Thanks :slight_smile:
     
  9. baristajedi

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    It is amazing, and it feels exactly like what you are saying.

    And yes, this has given me a deeper understanding about why I need to follow my path. There have been some other things that have deepened that perspective as well, but I think this has really made me appreciate what life could be like, being authentic and true to me.
     
    #9 baristajedi, Aug 12, 2016
    Last edited: Aug 12, 2016
  10. RosePetals76

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    Yay! Good for you.
     
  11. caliwoman

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    Barista,

    I'm asking this because I'm at a loss of emotional attraction vs physical attraction when it comes to women, so these questions may seem to be off the wall:

    Is she your type? Are you intensely physically attracted to her? Was it the emotional connection that made you feel a connection to her?

    Sorry for the rather naive questions, lol, I'm just trying to figure out my attraction towards women.
     
  12. baristajedi

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    Thanks Rosepetals!

    ---------- Post added 12th Aug 2016 at 09:20 PM ----------

    Aw, hun I'm sorry that you're having trouble with this. I think that's something that's inherent to the dating world, honestly.

    So my girlfriend, yes she's my type. But when I say that I should note that I have at least a handful of "types" of women I'm drawn to. She has a sweet face and lovely eyes, and she has this kind of "soft" quality that really gets me. That's what I really noticed about her from the start, that she seemed so soft and amazing.

    I am also intensely physically attracted to her. :***:

    It's really funny you ask about the emotional vs physical attraction because we (my GF and I) were just talking about whether our physical or emotional attraction came first. There seemed to be slot of both in our first day of getting to know each other. I was really drawn to her in many ways on the day we became friends and I also felt through that day that we were able to talk about everything and anything. So it's hard to answer that question clearly.

    ---------- Post added 12th Aug 2016 at 09:21 PM ----------

    *a lot of both
     
  13. PrettyinPunk

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    First I wanna say nice Florence and the Machine reference and also congrats! I'm glad you can experience all these feelings. I hope they only get stronger and deeper.:slight_smile:
     
  14. baristajedi

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    I also want to add, caliwoman, that the attraction between us was not quite easily described by physical versus emotional attraction. It seemed like from the first day we met we bonded and clicked quite naturally, and so we sort of formed a deep bond right from the start. A lot of this was us each being drawn to eachother in terms of qualities we saw in each other and some kind of instinct that we could share personal things. We were willing to be vulnerable very early on, and so bonded quite a lot. That said, I was *very* attracted to her right away. But even that was more than a surface attraction; while she's definitely beautiful and lovely, the physical attraction is more aptly described as feeling drawn to her, like s magnet, and feeling like I want to be close to her, to kiss her, to be in her presence.

    I hope some of that makes sense.

    ---------- Post added 13th Aug 2016 at 12:20 AM ----------

    Thanks prettyinpunk! :icon_bigg
     
    #14 baristajedi, Aug 13, 2016
    Last edited: Aug 13, 2016
  15. caliwoman

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    Thanks for that, Barista! I haven't been on here for a while, so just curious how are things with your husband?
     
  16. baristajedi

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    Well, we're in the middle of separating right now, actually. It's for the best, even though it's not easy right now. I'm starting to feel more clear and ok with it but he's taking it really hard at this point. We're going to start getting our daughter ready for it soon, mentally preparing her. I think that will be the hardest part.
     
    #16 baristajedi, Aug 13, 2016
    Last edited: Aug 13, 2016
  17. LostInDaydreams

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  18. baristajedi

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    Thanks! :slight_smile: