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Can anyone relate to this?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by LostInDaydreams, Aug 11, 2016.

  1. LostInDaydreams

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    Whilst I know that bi and gay women exist, I find it hard to believe that another women could have the same attraction to me, that I could have to her.

    So, I know that I am sexually attracted to women, but struggle to envision that being reciprocated.

    For me, I feel like this is a roadblock to acceptance.

    Can anyone relate to this?
     
  2. PrettyinPunk

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    I feel this way too sometimes, and I have no idea why. If I had to guess, maybe chalk it up to lack of experience. Never been in an actual relationship or love. I know I could love someone in that way but the idea of them feeling the same, and so strongly towards me, it's hard to imagine.

    Its not an acceptance thing for me. I'm fine with my sexuality, no shame or negativity attached. I don't think it's a self confidence problem either. I'm far from perfect but I'm not a terrible person.

    Sorry I have no advice to really offer, I'm just in a similar boat.
     
  3. sunnyskies

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    I can also relate to this. The thought of dating women terrifies me a bit even though I know it's what I really want. I think, like PrettyinPunk, this is in part owed to me not having had much experience at all with any kind of dating, so I'm quite inexperienced, but also I think it's because I'm attracted to quite femme women, and some part of me feels I won't be pretty enough for a lady to find me attractive. I'm quite a low maintenance type of person in regards to looks, and this weird part of my brain feels that this would be good enough for a man (because he's unlikely to wear make-up and have some kind of beautiful skin regime) but not good enough for those georgeous women out there.

    I know for sure that these feelings have more to do with my own self-esteem, and that I'm likely very wrong about my perception on how women would see me. It's interesting as I never realised I had this sort of self-esteem problem until I started to accept that I like women. I guess I never really cared much how men saw me, because I wasn't awfully keen on them in the first place. But now that I'm thinking of dating women, suddenly I'm looking at myself going "would a woman find me attractive?"

    Also like PrettyinPunk I don't have much advice for you really, aside from trying to suss out where your feeling that women won't reciprocate your love is coming from. For me it's a self-esteem thing, and is something I'll have to work on for sure. For you it might be something different; perhaps it's fear of accepting who you are, so you fear others also won't accept you (even if they are also attracted to women.) Or perhaps it's something different. Something I always find helpful is writing to discover how you feel. Often if I'm confused with a feeling or I'm not sure what I'm really thinking I'll sit down and just start writing to see what comes out. For me, it often reveals a lot of things I didn't realise were going on in my brain. You could start by writing down what your fears are (if any) about your sexuality, or of dating women etc.

    You're definitely not alone in your feelings, but I certainly do hope that you overcome them. It would definitely be a shame to hold yourself back because you worry about attraction not being reciprocated. Ultimately I think this fear is present to some degree in us all, no matter who we are attracted to.
    Hugs to you and I really do hope you find some peace with these feelings x
     
  4. Anthemic

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    Yes, sometimes. Because people tend to be more attracted to tall women that are aggressive. I'm the complete opposite. I'm the size of a 13-year-old and passive. I feel like it will be harder for me to find someone who will adore me. :/

    And when I crush on someone, I crush HARD. Like, to the point of being too nervous to look them in the eyes. I'm not shy in general; I'm actually very outgoing. But when I get around someone I like, I act like a clumsy, shy mess. XD
     
    #4 Anthemic, Aug 11, 2016
    Last edited: Aug 11, 2016
  5. YuriBunny

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    Eh? But smaller girls are cuter~. ^.^♥ I thought it was more the other way around. Have I been wrong all this time!? :confused:
     
  6. Anthemic

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    Awww! Thank you so much! <3 And I thought that's what people prefer. I definitely prefer someone taller than me. >_<
     
  7. YuriBunny

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    You're welcome. ^^

    Well then, I guess it all depends on the individual. Personally I wouldn't care whether she's smaller or shorter than me, or the same height. As long as she's cute, it doesn't matter. :lol: I guess I normally think of shorter girls as being cuter, in general~.

    If you ever feel that if will be hard to find someone, just remind yourself of your cuteness. :slight_smile:
     
  8. sunnyskies

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    ^ I agree! Cuteness displays itself in all different heights, and all different types of people, and every individual's taste is different. Passive or aggressive, short or tall - as YuriCore says, as long as she's cute, it really doesn't matter to me :slight_smile:

    ^ I actually find this super endearing about a person, and would just find it the absolute sweetest thing if someone liked me enough to get super nervous around me :slight_smile:

    I don't think you've got anything to worry about Anthemic x (*hug*)
     
    #8 sunnyskies, Aug 11, 2016
    Last edited: Aug 11, 2016
  9. Anthemic

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    Awww, you guys are the sweetest! That means a lot. :slight_smile: <3
     
  10. mangotree

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    I used to think the same thing (with guys).

    A related question I used to ask myself was "Would I date someone who looks like me?" and my answer would always be "No". I'm just not my type.
    From most perspectives, if you look in the mirror and don't like what you see - it's a self-esteem issue, but this really feels like something else ... and it's something unique same-sex attracted people.

    It's cliche, but you can't see yourself through another person's eyes.
    What you see as a fault, others might see as your most endearing feature.

    There is someone out there who will love everything about you.
    It might take you a while to completely believe and trust them, but just make sure that you give them a chance when the time comes.
     
  11. Izi

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    I can totally relate to that too! I have for many years been thinking that I am no way good enough for a woman. This has made me isolate and hate myself for a long time, but after I accepted myself I can see that has changed a lot. I don´t have any experience being with a woman, so lack of that does make me a little nervous.

    Is there anything with your looks you don´t like? That you want to change? For me it was also a weight issue. I had gained a lot of weight while isolating. So loosing weight really gave me a kick.
     
  12. LostInDaydreams

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    Thanks for all your replies! :slight_smile: Glad to know I'm not the only one who feels this way.

    I'm quite low maintenance too, which I think is part of it, and why in some circumstances I almost feel that I'd be more comfortable with a man.

    Thanks, I might try this!

    I think that self-esteem might be part of it, but as you say, because it's just about same-sex attraction there's probably more to it. Like others have said, lack of experience with the same-sex is probably part of it too.

    Sorry you've been feeling this way, Izi. (*hug*) I'll think about this, thanks.
     
  13. SpookyGirl

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    I am very feminine. I love makeup, jewelry, perfume, clothing, etc. I've always been attracted to extremely feminine women (I want to be the aggressor with them), and older, taller, authorative women (I want them to be the aggressor).

    Anyway, here's a fun fact: I can count on one hand how many times a woman has hit on me in my life. Queer women just don't seem interested in me. They never have, and I don't know why. I'm very out. I have gone to LGBT events. No woman ever showed any interest. (I don't think I'm anything special, but i have had other females tell me I'm pretty and that they're jealous of me, and I have been hit on by a decent number of men.)

    This isn't about that, though. What I'm getting at is, my wife is very low-maintenance. She's never worn a drop of makeup. She dresses down (t-shirts, basketball shorts, Nikes). She prefers to wear her hair in a ponytail. She doesn't give a crap about beauty products, fashion, what's in style, etc. She is not at all aggressive. She's awkward. When we first met (after taking online for a few weeks), she was nervous. She couldn't look me in the eye. She fumbled and never knew what to say.

    And I found her absolutely adorable.

    She wasn't my usual "type": (either ultra feminine, or tall and aggressive). She was this kind of tomboyish girl who was shorter than me and very laid back. And I loved everything about her.

    We are now married. She easily won my heart.

    Don't stress, ladies. You never know who's out there, just waiting for you.
     
  14. LostInDaydreams

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    Thank you for sharing, SpookyGirl. That's lovely. :slight_smile:
     
  15. SHACH

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    I generally just think I'm weird, annoying, lazy, shy but superficially loud, messy, boyish but not cool, etc. and have a hard time believing that anyone wants to be my friend even. Invariably most people don't... Not that they dislike me but nobody actually wants to be close to me. At least i dont feel close to anyone. So yeah I do not see how I would ever attract a girl. I'm not ugly and I can dance so I can pull at parties but who will stick around?
     
    #15 SHACH, Aug 13, 2016
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  16. Sayonara

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    I can relate to most of these people said.
     
  17. Anthemic

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    Taller, authoritive women make me weak at the knees. :icon_redf