Hallo, so I have a specific fear that holds me back from wanting to start testosterone and actually pass as male (maybe sometimes, or halfway, or whatever): It's that I don't want women to see me as the enemy, in short :rolle: I enjoy that women now see me as somewhat of an ally, even though if I look very different from most of them, even if they know I'm very much not one of them. If I looked like a man in everybody's eyes, I'd have to explain that I'm not really... Even then, would they still recognize that I've been through a lot of similar things as they? Also, who will like me sexually/romantically? Now I read butch at first sight, and I guess I'm only interesting for queer women, other enbies or maybe a few pretty open-minded dudes - I wouldn't know what to do with straight cis woman for the life of me! Feminist spaces are my home. I'm scared of feeling antagonized there. But then, if they don't accept me anymore because I physically change into how I feel anyway, I just can't help it, right? I'm so much looking forward to being able to pull off queer masculinity and play with feminine accessories again (since now I'm too dysphoric to wear feminine stuff). But I'm also scared of how that will affect how people react to me :help: Any clever advice?
In the end, people will react how they're going to react. So don't focus on what people might think. Focus on being authentic to yourself. You're not an enemy to women. You know this. Now if you're nice and chill with girls, I don't think they will see you as a threat. From my experience, straight women are often put at ease around queer men. But even if you are masculine, that doesn't mean friendship with the fairer sex is impossible. And for romance? As the old adage goes, there's someone for everyone. I think that's true. Knowing where to look is a big piece of the puzzle when you're a sexual/gender minority. There are dating sites and LGBT centers where you could look for such people. I too am looking forward to pulling off that preppy queer boy look. An advantage of being trans is that we don't have too give a shizzle about gender stereotypes.
Thanks! That is some good advice :icon_bigg I'd say I'm the chillest, but that's probably why I worry. People are NEVER afraid of me, and I guess a little bit of facial hair and stuff won't change that all so suddenly. Still, it makes me cringe a bit. Makes me wonder wether I actually want to belong with the women. Whatever that means. I don't belong. I'm my own gender, and that's cool with me, but the world sadly only sees 2 genders. Does anybody have experiences to share about transitioning (either direction) and feelings of men and women towards you changing, moving differently in the queer community etc.?
It is a good point that women will generally find you less/non threatening if you are visibly queer. And anyway, even if they initially see you as threatening, once they talk to you and realize how enlightened you are on female issues, they will accept you. Men can be feminists too, you just have to work a little harder to prove yourself.
Nah, you know, this is less about wanting to communicate that I'm super knowledgeable about feminism, more about having experienced sexism all my life myself. Standing on the other side of that power structure (at least at first sight) is just weird. It's something to think about while interacting with people, anyway.
I completely agree with Kodo; people are going to see you how they're going to see you. There's really no way to change that so you might as well look how you want. I've struggled a lot with this too; and in the end you have no way to control how people will react to you. You just have to do what'll make yourself happiest and your personality will win people over.
Hi enby. I've struggled with this a lot. I grew up with two sisters and mum. and went to all girls schools my whole life. and feel a really strong connection with women. I have had a lot of fear of loosing that sense of community or sisterhood. by no longer being a sister. but a brother. I think it's a totally rational fear but I also try and remind myself of all the women in my life and the men they have in there lives who they are deeply connected too. those deep connections can't be altered by maleness. and my maleness will not break that connection either (or at least i hope). And I guess this sense of camaraderie or connection with people who share the gender we were assigned at birth is just another part of being trans we have to navigate.
Phew, I'm so glad that people here understand some of my weirdness. In my case, I don't even want to belong with the men. I have no interest in men treating me as one of them. Sure I have some male friends, I'm occasionally attracted to men etc., but my heart is with the women, as far as the gender binary goes. I'm just not exactly like them, and I think that seperating myself from them - verbally, physically, legally - , that's what hurts so much here. Womanhood was a legitimate place to be. Now I'm going to be put with the men, like on a school sports team whete nobody wants you, and since I don't even identify that way, I'm just going to have to fend for myself. I just know somehow that this search is going to be less painful than being misgendered for the rest of my life?
