So for years I have wondered what it is that women are meant to feel about men. I've never related to staring at the 'hot' guys, or swooning at the thought of holding a guy's hand. I've known I am attracted to women for about six years now, but only recently have I begun to surmise that I might be gay. I think one of the things I am struggling with though is whether what I feel for women is 'real' attraction. I don't know what it is - maybe its because I've never experienced proper attraction for guys before, so I have nothing to relate it to - but for some reason I keep thinking to myself, "this is not how I thought being a lesbian would feel". Like, I don't look at every hot girl and think about having sex with her. To me, its more about wanting her to feel a certain way about me, thinking about her caring for me. I want her to want me, to think I'm pretty. I want her to notice me, to check me out, to think about me, to stroke my hair, or hug me from behind, or stand close to me. I want her to think I'm cute, to see me as someone she cares the most about. Of course, physical and sexual thoughts come to mind as well, but I've noticed that the immediate 'attraction' I feel is "oh my god she is stunning and so pretty, I want her to love me." That's what it comes down to: my first feeling is man I want her to love me/be attracted to me. In one part of my mind I'm writing this thinking well this is definitely 'real' attraction! But then there's that little voice, so tiny yet so loud, that's telling me that I'm kidding myself and that these feelings are coming from a place where I just want to feel loved by someone, but that its not necessarily 'real' attraction, or romantic, its just a desire to be wanted and loved (even though I come from an incredibly loving family). I've never felt this way about men, especially not just by looking at them, so I feel like what I am experiencing is real. I guess I just need someone to tell me if this sounds like attraction to them or not, you know? Any opinions? ---------- Post added 7th Aug 2016 at 06:37 PM ---------- (Couldn't find the edit button - might be blind?) I guess ultimately where I'm doubting myself is that a lot of the things I think of when I meet a lovely lass is how I want her to feel about me, not so much what I am feeling about her, if that makes sense? I guess I've always thought of attraction as something you feel for someone else, and so because my immediate thoughts about women is this desire for them to like me and to feel a certain way about me, is it still therefore defined as attraction on my part?
I can relate to a lot of what you said, wanting to be cared for. I also like the other way around, taking good care of others. it definetely sounds like real attraction to me.
I remember watching a game show once where the question was asked: would you rather be loved, or love? Half the guys on there said to be loved, the other half said to love. One of them couldn't decide, so broke the rules and said both. Everyone's different, I'd say wanting to be loved by someone is definitely attraction though
Interesting! Thanks Inamae, it's good to hear your opinion I guess two for two in agreeing it's attraction is telling me something, huh?
That sounds a whole lot like attraction to me. Personally, I went from thinking I was straight, to gay, and then to mostly gay, but a little fluid. I've always thought women were so much more aesthetically attractive because they usually are more groomed and care more about their appearance. I also romanticized the traditional heterosexual relationship, but I couldn't see myself in it. I thought I was completely gay for a while because I was really only sexually and to a certain extent, romantically attracted to men. What you described sounds very much like romantic attraction, which is the loving, cuddling, having crushes, etc. For further context, I identify as partially fluid now because the more I've educated myself, the more I've learned about body diversity and how the line between the two scientifically determined sexes is fuzzy in many places. But yeah, from my pretty wide experience with figuring out what is what attraction, you sound solidly romantically attracted to mostly or exclusively women.
Thanks Schaussey! I totally understand the notion of romanticising heterosexual relationships, as I definitely to a point do this also. I think it's because we are so indoctrinated into this idea of that's how it's meant to be from such a young age, you know? It's hard to break those societal thoughts, for sure. I really appreciate your input, and I think you're right about me being romantically attracted to mostly or exclusively women. I think this is what I feel deep down, but it's really nice to bounce how I'm feeling off other people just to get that reassurance that this is attraction I'm feeling and I'm not just getting my feelings confused in any way. My mind has a tendency to second guess everything, so it's really nice getting input from others. So thank you!
