Hello everyone. This is my first post as a part of this community, and it's one of the primary reasons I joined. As I'm not yet out (officially), I felt that this would be a good place to come and talk to others about a potential relationship that might be considered... odd? Until recently I was pretty happy and confident with myself and my sexuality as a lesbian. I'd begun to explore with women, go on a few dates and explore and it made me happy. But then I realised that I was beginning to develop feelings for my neighbour who lives alone, and shares my love for women. She's gorgeous, but she's much older (37). At first I thought I was just admiring her as anyone would who noticed an attractive person, but not only did I start questioning myself, but I think she might be into me too! I did also think that I was reading too much into it, and had got the wrong end of the stick, but I think she's twigged that I swing her way because she's seen me bring a girl back when I had the house to myself one evening... It started with a few lingering looks at some social gatherings, and then she started inviting me round to help her sort things out around the house, in the garden, she messages me more frequently and for more trivial things on facebook etc and it's really got me thinking and questioning myself and whether this is normal or what to do. Does the age gap between us matter? Does she even like me in that way? Is it normal for me to have feelings for an older woman? Should I do something? I'm basically really confused, and thought that this would be one of the best places to hear some thoughts and get some advice on the issue? Thanks.
Lots of questions with no easy answers. Firstly - you appear to get on well socially. For it to go beyond that means that one of you will have to make a move. It seems like she is at least approaching you. Only you can decide if you go towards her or run away. The age thing is only a problem if you see it as such. It's perfectly normal to have feelings for an older woman. I don't know what you define as much older but my first gay partner was 20 years older than me. Our friends accepted us just like any other couple. Should you do something? That for me is the easiest question to answer. Yes, yes and yes. If you don't do anything she will probably take it that you aren't interested in her and move on. You deserve at least the chance to explore this friendship and see if you both want the same things out of it. Be brave!
I'd say she's interested in you by the messages and inviting you round, are you out to her at all? If she's gay too maybe you could come out to her tell her that you're not out yet but as she's gay you thought you could ask her how she came out and who she came out to first... You could say that you want her advice that way she knows that you aren't straight. Also you haven't said how old you are, the age gap isn't really an issue unless you make it or are under 18 because you can't go out for drinks and such. If you have feelings for her follow them maybe it could turn out ok you only live once and if you find her attractive then what's stopping you. Keep us updated
Thank you both so much for your advice. I just noticed that I didn't specify my age in my original post, and thought that would be crucial to the type of advice I got! I'm 19 years old and a student. I know it makes the whole thing more odd and confusing but that's why I came here to hear what people thought. Does that change what I should do? I'm thinking of following up on the advice I've been given and approach her.
No it doesn't change what you should do infact she'll probably understand why you aren't out with just finishing school and starting college or university it's more likely that you are going to question as you are likely to meet people who are questioning or out yourself... I'd say go for it ask her advice that way she knows that you aren't straight and if she's interested too then at least it removes that "is she gay question" you could also grow closer to her by confiding in her which could open up the chance for a relationship
I spoke to her today outright... She's gay and admitted that she finds me attractive. She's has recommended that we talk one evening about it and has invited me over on Saturday when my parents are out. Any advice? Thanks!
Yeh I'd say go for it what do you have to loose you find her attractive and she thinks the same you could talk out your feelings with her and see where it leads. Keep us updated how it goes I'm really happy that you finally spoke to her did you come out to her then?
Thanks. I'll keep you updated with how things have gone. Yes I did come out to her. She promised to keep it secret as I'm not officially out to anyone else yet. I suppose I'll have to find the courage to come out to others too!
