I haven't been here for some time, but today reading some of the posts made me happy and warm on the heart about other people's positive experiences. (*hug*) Just saying and showing up. And. I'm basically confused once more. I don't know. I thought. There are so many people out there saying what it means to be trans, setting up requirements and pointing ways how to be trans. It just came to my mind today, that I might be the most immune kind of trans, plain and simple, the kind that can't be fooled with anatomy or what others say. I don't know if level of self-doubt doesn't correlate for me negatively with how well things are going. Being down = beating myself up and doubting. And all the business with transitioning... um... nada. Who said I can't be the genderqueer variety of a trans dude? And wear skirts? And be happy with myself? I'm a nerd, BTW, if anyone wondered why I think so much and so complicated, and why I'm wierd. Anyone? Calculus? I love a nice integrals By the way, I help at home some, recently, and I'm very happy about it. :smilewave
Gender expression =/= gender identity. If you like to dress in "womens" clothes, that doesn't stop you from identifying as male. Just ask all the male crossdressers out there. ;P Imo, the only time that gender expression is ever directly related to gender identity is when someone deliberately alters their gender expression in order to make themselves feel more comfortable/pass in front of strangers - ie, a transwoman altering her mannerisms and voice so that she doesn't get misgendered. I don't at all think that's a requirement to be trans, though.
It's alright, I'm sort of confused in similar ways too. I still hate labels, haha, and jump from them occasionally trying to find one that describes the whole, rather than a part. Something I've been wondering lately is, if I was born with a cis guys body how would I feel about my situation now? I mean, being stuck with a female body. I could probably live with it, if I changed some things. Although I would still really want a male body, I doubt I would get surgery and *might get T, otherwise I'd just suck it up. And hey, that's pretty much what's happening, and arguably the whole "wondering" is redundant because that's what's actually pretty much my situation. In some way, thinking like that provides a little clarity, though. If that makes any sense... Anyway, don't beat yourself up about it, just try and do things that make you comfortable and put your feelings about it all before others. I mean, don't let other negative opinions get to you, or influence you. I'm sorry to hear you're going through a tough time again.
It would be a long story to tell how much. Right now I'm quite confusing. I'm not transitioning though. I'm happy being gender-wierd. ---------- Post added 5th Aug 2016 at 04:26 PM ---------- I don't really want a male body, in my mind I am male and so is my body, as strange as it may seem. It's been like that for a nice couple of years already, a significant fraction of my life, and I don't see it changing. But the not wanting, that got me confused, becaue every trans person seems to be saying they want the body. ---------- Post added 5th Aug 2016 at 04:26 PM ---------- I don't really want a male body, in my mind I am male and so is my body, as strange as it may seem. It's been like that for a nice couple of years already, a significant fraction of my life, and I don't see it changing. But the not wanting, that got me confused, becaue every trans person seems to be saying they want the body.
Thanks for reassuring, L. It's actually a bit better right now. Mom's ill, but... I don't seem to be knocked down by feelings for two weeks already and we two made peace, after we both took each other past the verge of behaving reasonably... I hate going nuts. I also had a row online, about trans issues... A pretty bad one. And transphobic. A couple of them. Ain't goin' there again. Ain't got the nerves. Oh man, I managed to distance myself by now. Everyone in the family seems to suspect I'm queer. My aunt told me I look like my dad. My almost-sister friend definitely doesn't want to hug me and told me I look like a genderless emo. All the meetings with people are awkward as hell, I'm quite obviously queer, I pass marginally and it makes everybody panick. But despite awkwardness, everyone is okey with me in the end. Hm, if I was born male, life would be easier and hence much less interesting. I think I would be a straight dude. Darn, right now I'm pretty stereotypical for a dude, if I was a cis dude, I would be borderline boring.
Very right ---------- Post added 6th Aug 2016 at 06:42 AM ---------- Yeah, makes sense. And thank you for that . Their opinions - my life. Darn, I'm working on it so hard recently...
