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My friend is acting weird and I don't know what to do

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by fluffycloseted, Aug 5, 2016.

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  1. fluffycloseted

    fluffycloseted
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    I bet there are several similar threads on this topic already but I still feel like I should post myself.

    But anyway, I have a problem. One of my closest friends has started to act weird around me and I'm terrified it might be because she likes me romantically and/or sexually. And no, this isn't my ego going wild or me desperately wanting this to be the case.

    It's pretty straight forward, I guess. She's is of the female gender. I am a gay member of the male gender. We are in the same class and ever since last sumer we've been spending a lot of time together. That's all been fine for almost a year but in the last couple of months she's been feeling distant and the times we've actually hung out she's been unusually clingy (like excessive hugging and such). But that's not what caught my attention, it's that she's been sending really suggestive texts late at night. All about how she 'has something to tell me' but how she 'can't tell me 'cause it would change and ruin our friendship'. She kept texting about it she wouldn't tell me what it was. Then, a few weeks later the same thing came up again and she said she wanted to tell me but she couldn't because ... "you know". She revealed it was indeed about the two of us and then in the same conversation she nervously told me she had "an embarrassing dream" about me. The kind she wouldn't wanna share with her mother. Just after she pretended to fall asleep (oh, and this happened late at night when we were at another friend's summer place).

    Now, I've told one friend about this. And she immediately said she thought it was a crush. I'm not 100% sure about it so I'm asking on here. Have any of you guys been through something similar or have any of you been on the other end of the situation? What did you do and what advice would you give me? *nervous laughter*

    Thankful for any replies. <3
     
    #1 fluffycloseted, Aug 5, 2016
  2. Connorcode

    Connorcode Guest

    I've had a girl who was keen on me :wink: and my opinion is that she should tell you outright what it is. It does sound like she fancies you or maybe she's just playing games and she's bored.

    Obviously, you normally would avoid mentioning that what you had to say could "change and ruin our friendship". Most people would either just say it and see which way it goes or not mention anything to do with it at all.

    In my case, once it was clear she had a crush on me, I made clear to her (just in case it wasn't already) that I was completely gay and enjoyed her company solely as a friend. I gave her time and allowed her distance and now we're close friends again.

    My advice: make sure she is being 100% clear about what is going on with her and then be just as clear back, explaining how you're not into girls romantically/sexually but you're into her as a friend :wink:

    Whatever you decide to do, good luck <3
     
    #2 Connorcode, Aug 5, 2016
  3. Biboy33

    Biboy33
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    Does dhe know you're gay? If she doesn't not to rush things but you might wanna tell her, but be really sure about the crush she has on you, if you're right then try to tell her the nicest way
     
    #3 Biboy33, Aug 5, 2016
  4. fluffycloseted

    fluffycloseted
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    Thanks a lot for your input, Connorcode and Biboy33. I definitely feel I should wait the situation out to see for sure what it's all about. Then, if I still feel like she has feelings for me, I'm gonna try to tell her I'm not interested because of my orientation. I'm thinking… maybe I could just tell her I'm gay so she knows for certain. I would rather not mention any crush or feelings, that just feels unnecessarily awkward.
     
    #4 fluffycloseted, Aug 6, 2016
  5. cakepiecookie

    cakepiecookie
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    If you're ready to be "out", then yeah, tell her you're gay. It's possible she'll tell others though, so proceed with caution if you're not ready for that.

    Also, telling her you're gay won't instantly make the feelings evaporate. Give her some time and hopefully she'll get over it.
     
    #5 cakepiecookie, Aug 6, 2016
  6. onlythebulls13

    onlythebulls13
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    I think she definitely has a crush on you... Can almost guarantee it, using the information in your post.

    I think if you are ready to come out or going through the process of coming out then shes the next person you should tell. It seems shes one of your good friends and you owe it to her to be honest and let her know that the feelings she has for you arent going to go any further than being strictly platonic.

    In grammar school, there was a girl who had a crush on me and she played the same type of games, hinting that she may like me, even telling me her crush has five letters in his first and last name. Once i figured that out, i acted like i didnt know it was me, freaked out and avoided her....not the route to go lol.

    At the least, i think you should have a heart to heart convo that you initiate, telling her that you think of her as a really good friend and friend zone her.....at the very least. Best scenario, if youre in an accepting environment, would be to tell her youre gay.
    Good luck!
     
    #6 onlythebulls13, Aug 6, 2016
  7. Spartan 117

    Spartan 117
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    I agree with the others that it sounds like she has a bit of a crush on you.

    Funnily enough, if you feel like you can come out to her (obviously don't feel pressured) some people take that better than a 'normal' rejection. Perhaps because it's easier to accept that you're simply incompatible, rather than anything personal you have against her.
     
    #7 Spartan 117, Aug 6, 2016
  8. fluffycloseted

    fluffycloseted
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    Thanks again for all your responses, it really is amazing!

    You've made me realise i can't keep pretending it's not happening – because it obviously is. However, there is one thing I forgot to mention before. When she sent the texts about her having something to tell me (confess?) she explained she couldn't tell me because 'she knew what I'd say' (i.e. I love you but not in that way). So maybe she already knows? Or she's still hoping it might not be that way… The thing is I've told her about a crush I used to have on our mutual (male) friend. But she doesn't know I'm gay, just that I'm not straight.

    I really don't want to hurt her so this is awful. Thanks for the support, you're all awesome <3
     
    #8 fluffycloseted, Aug 6, 2016
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