I'm 35 and just accepted I'm gay

I had my first crush on a male best friend when I was 16. But found myself shuffling back into the closet again. When i was 19, i was completely smitten the first tim i saw Gavin Rossdale. Wanted to be out then, but still couldnt muster the courage. All my life has been trying to somehow fulfill expectations I believe others had of me, or my own ideas of what I was "supposed" to do. Now I find myself at 39, with 3 kids and having separated from their mother a year and a half ago. The split has made a lot of things much more difficult. Having to work almost 70 hours a week, splitting custody of the girls, feeling shut down to everything around me and with not a single friend to speak of.
That said, for all of these struggles, as much as part of me hates pretty much every facet of my life, I'd still say it is completely worth it to reach that point where the closet is no longer an option.

 

I a 32 and just now finally accepting that I am gay. Now I have just a couple of friends that know but I am not out and open. Have not yet told any of my family since they are pretty religious, just have been afraid and very scared. But congrats to you

 

This is great advice as I have pretty much done the same thing. Often what I see (and I include myself in this) is that many wanting to take that leap don't necessarily live around a lot of other gay people so that sort of stymies the transition to coming out. What I did do is join Meet-up and a gay affliated group. My confidence is renewed and one day I hope to come out completely.

 

That is me! I have a family the size of Mongolia but not a single gay person in the lot of them - that I know of anyway. There's just no one around me to make being gay a normal thing so basically "TV gay" is all they know. There was like, one person from my school that came out publicly so not even any distant friends either.

No one is truly hatefully homophobic, but I have wished for years that someone would blaze the trail before me because I'm pretty sure I can't do it... at least not yet.

 

Heval, I feel a bit like a trailblazer. I only came out this year, at 47, but almost everything in life seems more clear now. The only difficulty is in my marriage. I've been married for 13 years tomorrow, and have 2 kids, 10 and 12. I came out to my therapist first, then my wife, then her side of the family and then mine; all within a week. I waited another month or so before coming out to friends at work, but they all, save one, have been very supportive. It was terrifying the whole time, and I knew I was taking the chance of losing friends and family, but I just couldn't be in the closet anymore. I've dabbled in sex with guys, but nothing past blowjobs, kissing and stuff. I'm still with my wife, and part of me wants to stay with her, but unfortunately there is no sexual attraction, and she feels stiffed(ha). All I can give for advice is to just go for it. Let the chips fall well they may. At least that way you know where your starting point is. Hopefully you find some support, even one person helps. There also might be some groups in your area that you can go to for support. Good luck to you. We are all here for you.

 

Hi. I completely understand where your coming from. I came out to one person a while back. It was actually my ex wife. Her and i got in a big fight and i went to live with a friend and she figured me out because i have problems with my gender identity. she found some of my dresses and she figured me out so i guess that's two people. I haven't had any luck with dating sites. Two nights ago i thought i finaly made a connection with a guy in my area and he got scared and deleted his profile because in college his roomate tried forcing him to do sexual favors. I feel your pain. I really do.

 

Wow! How have I not seen this thread before? Even though there has never been confusion about my desires, I have always resisted. Even when I finally abandoned the religious views that were holding me back the longest, I sometimes had thoughts that maybe I'm not actually gay, haha! It seems so daunting to make it "official" even to a few individuals. We have spent much life constructing a facade, each of us our own with different characteristics. After these many years we will probably not suddenly be totally free, as perhaps we envisioned (I know I hoped so). Nevertheless, as we continue to untangle from the web we've weaved, we work toward existing as our true selves It is emotional sometimes.

Forgive me If I seem confused, I've been drinking But your post resonated strongly with me. You mentioned feeling divided into many pieces: see my sig ;-) (then listen to the song )

Much love (*hug*)

 

Hi there...

I know how you feel.
I came out at 25 ... and although it's been 11 years... (and 2 relationships later), I still have days where I feel angry, sad, "why me", I don't want this... etc... It is a difficult path but you're not alone. I have found some great people here to talk to... and slowly but surely I will eventually like the "out me". That doesn't mean I will go looking for anything... I don't use online dating or apps.
Hang in there... keep chatting on here... we're all here for you and we all have had similar experiences... (*hug*)

 

Hi Heval--and to reiterate what others have said, congratulations on the steps you have taken so far. You have accepted you are gay. You are in therapy which will help with what you are going through. And you have also come out to a couple of people.

In some ways your experience with online dating was a 'success'. The experience helped you to focus in on exactly what you need right now, which is a friend you can share with.

I applaud you for trying out online dating too. I haven't done this as I am way to scared/shy to even try it at this point! I am not sure how it all works but I think on these sites you are able to state up front that you are looking for 'just friends' rather than dating. Maybe this could increase your chances of making just friendships right now.

 

Big hug here!

 

I'm the same way I'm 32 and been in denial about my sexuality for years despite visiting gay websites and magazines online.

This is the first place I've ever admitted my attraction to men.