Gender dysphoria worse after coming out? Any advice?

Well, if you're hurting I don't want to leave you hanging. It's good to talk these things out. I can't be really sure but one thing that might be causing it is you made this big step and now you're experiencing a little let down because in a way, not much has really changed. I mean, coming out can be a big deal depending on your family and friends and your own feelings about it but after that...

What?

Now you have to live your life in this new state. Openly being who you are. It's like coming out opened a door and now you have actually to step through it. When I came out I couldn't wait to find what's next and to talk about my feelings and unleash all this stuff I'd been keeping secret. Suddenly from being afraid to tell everyone I wanted to tell everyone everything all at once.

I don't know if you're seeing a therapist, but if you're not, that's a great place to start dealing with your feelings of dysphoria. Make a list of steps you plan to take, or draw up a plan, choose a destination and chart a course. Focus on the short-term goals after that and accomplish each one. Don't tackle it as this big dilemma. Take little steps and reward yourself with positive thoughts for each one you take. Then you'll go through the door and be on the other side. A therapist can help you choose practical goals and direct you on how to accomplish them.

 

I'm actually feeling quite similar to you at the moment. I had a weird epiphany last night after weeks of questioning and I think I might be a trans man. Ever since then I've basically been scared shitless.

Since I'm feeling the same thing, I'm not qualified to give advice, but I did find this YouTube channel run by a ftm trans guy that made me feel a bit better. Since you're mtf idk if it'll have the same resonance but he has some good videos. I remember him talking about this topic specifically and saying that he had worse dysphoria after coming out and that it is normal but I can't find it at the moment - sorry about that.

Other than that, I agree with the above poster about creating goals and trying to talk this stuff out with someone. Best of luck to you, no matter what happens.

 

someone on here once gave some advice that I will never forget. They said: don't look at your body, look into your eyes because they are the windows to your soul. (Or something like that, it was a long time ago). It really helped me because I thought it was impossible to look at my body and see anything that could reflect who I was really on the inside. But your eyes, they are not gendered. And in your head is where it's possible to find and be yourself completely. So use your soul as a refuge, and take pride in the fact that you are amazing enough to know that your gender, an incredibly ancient, mysterious and primal part of yourself, you have realised is different to how everyone told you you were when you were born. Be proud that you have the strength and insightfulness to do that. Your body is only a boat that your soul travels in. It doesn't define who you are or what you have to do. You could try putting some towels over the mirrors and try to do things that don't require you to see or use your body as much. Then this might help you to distance yourself from it for a bit and find a bit of peace.

 

Hey, I can totally relate. I agree a lot with what @amybee said. Let me just add on to that, but maybe I am saying the same thing basically. My feeling is, once you allow yourself to realize that you are not happy the way you are, you start to realize there is a lot of stuff you're not happy about but you were just tolerating it before to keep yourself from exploding basically. A defense mechanism if you will. Now that you realize what you really want, you are hyperaware of everything you don't have yet. Even though you just came out to yourself so it feels sudden, secretly you've wanted this for years and you feel that inside. That you've waited for years to have what you want and be who you want to be, but you still have nothing. Now that the promise of happiness has been dangled in front of you, you just want it NOW.

 

Yeah mine definitely got a lot worse the first couple months after coming out. I think it's because you feel like you've got other people scrutinising what you do and how you act so anxiety just shoots up. Give it a while and it will level out a bit. Obviously it won't disappear but it won't be as intense for so long. Completely understand about this NHS too. That doesn't help dysphoria at all. I'd really suggest getting a referral from your doctor to a GIC though, even if you're not completely sure now it's better to be on the waiting list asap if you do need it in the future. Like someone else said, make goals, set dates to go out and buy yourself some more clothes or have a haircut - things that reinforce your identity.