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Knowing you and gay vs accepting you are gay

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by dirtyshirt84, Jul 23, 2016.

  1. dirtyshirt84

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  2. RosePetals76

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    So true. There is a major distinction between knowing and accepting.
     
  3. Teach1

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    I have realized that I am gay for many years. Only in the past year have i started to accept it.
     
  4. findingjoy

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    I have a thread in this sub-forum "I realize I am gay, I just can't accept it."
    So I guess I can relate. :slight_smile:
     
    #4 findingjoy, Jul 23, 2016
    Last edited: Jul 23, 2016
  5. Davo

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    I realised I was gay when I was about 12/13, but it was a long painful process before accepting that - stages of denial, depression. Even when you pretty much accept that you are gay, there's still a very long time before you accept yourself enough to feel confident to say it to another human being, to come out to friends or family and to reach out to other gay people. I didn't come out to anyone until I was 21 and even then it took a couple of years before I was confidently able to talk to anyone else about being gay. It probably wasn't until I was in my mid 20s when I accepted my sexuality enough to be completely out to friends, family and colleagues. So that's over a decade for me. though I hope with the world being generally more accepting in places than it was even a decade ago and great resources like this website being more widely available that it won't be as long or a painful a process for people accepting their sexuality/gender identity now.
     
  6. ConsciousRose42

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    Hi :slight_smile:
    It has taken me to 43yrs to start accepting ...
    Denial has been such a big one - I mean did I 'know' um I just put it down to sort of being bi but not really - I was straight 'wasn't I ?

    Then came the 'awakening ' I'm gay oh my gee I'm gay ...
    It was a full body experience I was walking around wide eyed ...
    In that moment my sexuality dropped - Bing acceptance

    I still am in amazement but it feels great -

    I now know who I am and I don't feel any shame now - well maybe a bit re telling some people

    As I fully accept and let go of 'what will others think that's when I know I am in full acceptance

    Thanks for the post :slight_smile:
     
  7. dirtyshirt84

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    I've always known I wasn't straight but it has definetly taken me a while to embrace it and totally integrate it into my identity if that makes sense. And to stop hiding it.

    Your last point is interesting - that when you are fully accepting you are no longer worried about what others will think. I don't think I'm quite there yet but starting to feel like if someone has a problem with it, then that's their issue, not mine.
     
  8. Eab91

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    I agree with every one else. I have always know I liked women ever since I was in junior high school. I barely came out a few days ago to my hetero husband... and I still haven't accepted it. I thought I was bi for a long time, but I recently realized I am only attracted to women. It's very hard to accept for me. But relieving knowing that I KNOW what I identify as.
     
  9. dirtyshirt84

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    Thanks, this sounds fairly typical of the stages of acceptance that people go through. I think it's so true that even once you accept yourself it's still a big leap to feeling confident in telling other people and to being completely comfortable with it.

    I agree that the world is far more accepting now, I wish this website had been around 15 years ago! Still it's great that hopefully young people won't have to go through such a painful process to accept their sexuality or gender.
     
  10. Nickw

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    dirtyshit

    I always thought I accepted my bisexuality. But, I didn't really. I could neatly compartmentalize it as "those other optional desires". It wasn't until coming out to my wife that I am accepting that those desires are "gay". Yes, I am bisexual, but now I am not afraid to admit that I am gay as part of that.

    I got "accused" of being a homo by a gay guy this weekend which freaked me out...but, only for a brief time. Then I decided I was cool with that label too. If a gay guy wants to label me as gay...so what. I'll wear that title because it really doesn't matter. I have a gay part that's as good as the straight part.

    I am still not out, but I have quit hiding. I am out with gay friends and letting my hair down and I have stopped worrying about who sees me.
     
  11. JuliusJ

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    "There's a difference between knowing the path and walking the path."

    -Morpheus, The Matrix

    *I don't know....for some reason I thought of this line when I read your post. Yeah I'm a geek! It described exactly where I am in life. I know I'm gay. I've known for years. However, living an open life as a happy, well-adjusted gay man is something I long for but fear and social anxiety always seem to get in the way. I hope you figure things out for yourself and accept who you really are. I don't think any of us can be happy otherwise.
     
  12. findingjoy

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    I am male a few years older but I completely denied and suppressed it despite masturbating about it and 'switching' at the last moment , literally seconds before I was about to orgasm I would imagine a beautiful woman... and then I lied to myself and said Oh i really 'got off on her'... so i never accepted I was gay even to myself or even bi, it was more like 'oh its some weird fantasy ' .

    I was still in denial but I came here and posted 'I am gay" I really didn't even accept it myself it was more like .. oh I'll just post this here and see what reactions I get... my hands started to tremble before I even finished and like you say 'full body experience' way beyond just sexual.
    The only part missing was: Bing acceptance....
    still struggling but I know its coming.
     
    #12 findingjoy, Jul 23, 2016
    Last edited: Jul 23, 2016
  13. dirtyshirt84

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    I love the matrix! I am also a bit of a geek :slight_smile:

    I feel like I'm getting there, in a series of small steps.

    ---------- Post added 24th Jul 2016 at 10:02 AM ----------

    I am the same Nick, I'm not out to absolutely everyone yet but I've also quit hiding and have started to care less what people think. I also thought I had accepted by bisexuality years ago but I now realise I really hadn't, I also done a really good job of compartmentalising it for a really long time. I too thought of them as optional desires rather than as part of who I really am.

    I like to think of myself as 'a bit gay' or a 'bit lesbian' as well as using the label Bi :slight_smile:

    ---------- Post added 24th Jul 2016 at 10:04 AM ----------

    You sound like you are just at the start of this process, findingjoy. Well done on taking those first steps, I sometimes think they are the hardest. Definitely keep posting here and reading others posts as that has really helped me! (*hug*)
     
  14. Gomez

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    I've questioned my sexuality my whole life. I always knew something was up.

    But I think the first time I really, truly, 100% accepted that there was "no going back" was when I was about 18 and developed a huuuuge crush on a friend of a friend. I barely knew her but I was doing the whole infatuated shebang... sighing dreamily, stalking her Facebook photos, thinking about how to strike up a conversation, hoping she was l/b and single, daydreaming about going on dates with her, getting irrationally jealous... I mean, it was very stupid because like I said, I didn't know her and frankly had no business trying to insert myself in her life.

    But that was definitely the closet key because I realized that straight women just don't feel that way about other women.
     
  15. lonewolf79

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    So true.
    I knew I was gay when I was in high school. I didn't want to put a name to it though. Took a long, long time for me to accept it. It still causes some depression and sometimes I feel like I don't want to accept it. I have come out and such but I have been through some tough times and still now, I have no gay friends in real life. It's only online for now. I'm positive it will change though. I have fears of being totally open and living happily as an openly gay man. In time, that will hopefully change too.