Hi helpful emptyclosets community :icon_wink. I just want some opinions on this matter. I am about to move to a big city (Salt Lake City infact). I went over to visit the last 3 days to get my apartment plans in order. While I was there, I used the usual apps (******, ******, etc.). I matched up with a guy on ****** I find very attractive. He's very shy but I would assume he likes me. Doesn't say anything unless I message him. We have similar interests and I've asked what he hopes to get from ******. He said something meaningful which to me indicates either a close friendship or relationship. Now about me; I go with the flow right now in life. I am fine being single and don't mind if nothing happened between me and this guy. However I am interested in seeing what might happen if I kept trying to talk to him. My belief so far is if he wants something meaningful/"something that doesn't waste his time" (he worded it that way when I asked him to define that), then he's got to put forth effort into talking to me as well. I have an opinion that some people are just naturally hard to talk to over text, but a conflicting opinion that I should just not waste my time and leave him be to figure out what he wants. What are your thoughts? Should I just tell him I don't think I'd be a good friend/person to date because he doesn't say much? Should I give him a benefit of the doubt and keep talking to him over text until he's comfortable meeting in person? I'm really chill with whatever happens, it would just be a disappointment for it to end with outcome 1 (we stop talking). ---------- Post added 20th Jul 2016 at 11:27 PM ---------- Also I'm sorry I had no clue certain apps were censored. But I am sure you don't need me to tell you the names. We just matched up via internet then.
People will be who they are and they may have various reasons or experiences to become whom they are today. He could have dealt with some unpleasant history in the past with seeking love via online and is trying to be cautious about it. Its how some people would choose to protect themselves from getting hurt by not putting themselves too much out there. He may even have some preconceived notion from the texts based on his past experiences. I would say this is something people have to figure out for themselves and there is very little we could do about it. Even if he manages to be convinced by you to interact otherwise, it may work for a while. But in the long term, he wouldn't feel happy for not being himself and that may put strain the relationship in future. I would also say that to have a healthy relationship it takes both sides for it to work irregardless of whatever stage the relationship may be. Both sides will need to put time and effort to form and maintain the relationship. It won't likely work if its only one sided. You could communicate your feelings and thoughts to him and let him know what he can expect from your side as much as what you can expect from his. And whatever the decision may be, allow yourself to flow with it. If it works great. If it doesn't you have nothing to lose. As they say, plenty of rainbow fish in the sea. My thoughts on this, Ben
Sometimes you need to make the effort to meet to really get to know someone. Some people have a natural flair for messaging and texting, while others are better face to face. I know people who are great in conversation, but send very brief and clipped messages/e-mails, and if I only went on what I read I would have a very different opinion of the individuals concerned. It's also true that people tend to be more cautious when they have been hurt in the past, so you may need to play a longer game. I would suggest meeting up and seeing how it goes.
Thank you for your thoughts. Yours confirmed most of what I thought. I also agree with PatrickUK that people are different over text. So really I just have to go with it for now. No one said dating was fast anyway. But I'm curious to see what it turns out when I meet in person.
So it's been rather un-engaging. But I talked to a friend who I explained my situation. He told me that if he's like him then to just keep trying. I've been asking all sorts of questions. It's been difficult to provoke any different behavior from him. But 2 days trying so far.
