My boyfriend of ten months broke up with me yesterday. The biggest problem in our relationship was sex, or could i say the fact that there was none. We tried a couple of times at the begining of our relation, but i had trouble with getting full erection. Since like a year i had trouble with that, but i thought i would go away. Well, nope. So as it wasnt getting better i went to doctor who gave me pills that i think may actually help me with this. I wanted to try them out and go to bed with my partner. For last 2 weeks it occured to me that my boyfriend seems to avoid having contact with me. We managed to met yesterday and then he said that we need to talk. He told me that we need to brake up, because he is tired of waiting for me to be able to have sex with him. At this point, he said, i am starting to see you more as a friend than a boyfriend. I told him that i think i am able to go to bed with him now if he wants, but he said that he is not sure if he will want to do it, because he mostly lost attraction towards me in that matter. I asked if there was anything i could do to save our relationship. I told him that i love him and dont want to lose him. So after thinking a while he gave me an ultimatum. He said that we will give each other a brake and after 2 weeks or so, he will tell me how he feels about us. He also said that he still loves but is not sure if we can work out. He wants us to be friends if we will really brake up. I am devasted. I really want to solve this problem out but i don't know how. I know that having to wait so long for someone to have sex with might be tiring and i was always very grateful for him being so patient and kind with me. It drives me nuts, not being able to call him. Is there anything i can do about whole thing? He says still loves me and i love him, so shouldn't we work things out?
All I can say is that at least he's being honest. If he doesn't love you nothing is gonna force him to. It's a sad reality and you should really take this two weeks to examine the whole situation. Don't just sit and wait expecting things to return to normal, seriously consider that you may be moving on without him.
Yeah, I am trying to imagine this possibility. But what makes me so confused is the fact that he actually said that he still loves me. If he does, then i guess there should be a solution to this problem. Then again, why this kind of situation would even occur if he loves me? I just can't wrap my head around it. I guess it's a smart advice anyway, life is no fairytale afterall. I will try to get to terms with the fact that i might have to live my live without him.
People tend to have different needs or priorities in a relationship and for your partner, sexual intimacy/potency seems to be one of the important aspect for him to commit in a relationship. He may have love you but as you have sexual potency concerns, sexual needs is something he cannot go without. He may also not being able to love you romantically due to his needs not being met. You have your needs to be love as much as he has his needs for sexual intimacy and he can't provide that for you as much as you could for him. Try to see that by compelling yourself to exceed your sexual limitations to meet his needs will constantly put you in distress and not likely you will be happy being in this relationship in the long term. There is no reason to put yourself in a painful relationship at the cost of your own happiness. You as much as anyone else deserves your own love and attention too. Try to also see that people come into our lives to simply play a role as we are with them and once both sides have done playing their roles, both sides will have to move on to meet other people to fulfill other roles in life. Some of them only have a short role to play and some stay longer than others to fulfill their roles throughout our lives. Try to see that some people are just meant to play their roles in our lives that way and there is nothing right or wrong about it. It just meant to happen that way. Allow yourself to grief for the relationship. To grief. To cry. Allow yourself to express these feelings inside you. Going against it will only make you feel trapped and bottled up emotions will only carry forward to your next relationship and will only soon spill over. Allow yourself to process these emotions and express them constructively (jogging, writing a letter and burn etc.) and soon you will began to move on forward with life, and continue to meet more people who are meant to play more important roles in your life as you gradually learn life's lessons. I hope this helps. Much love Ben
Wow. First of all, thank you for such in-depth analysis of my situation. I must admit i haven't thought about it that way. If the point you are making is actually a spot on, then i think i really should let go. It defenitly won't be easy, but in this case, reasonable. The one thing that bothers me, is the fact that i still hope that i might be able to fulfill his needs. I know ten months is a whole lot of time and i understand why he might have lost attraction towards me. The timing is killing me though. Just when i have decided i am ready and actually went to doctors he says is too late. Everytime we talked about being sexual he was saying that he will wait for me and i just didnt see things turning out that way. Maybe if we actually had sex it could save our relation. We are meeting at least once again after this two weeks, by the time he makes up his mind, he is about to tell me is he is still wants to be in relationship with me. I am thinking about intiating a physical contact due to ocassion. When we talked about breaking up we were in public place and he said he is tired and not sure he wants it anyway. So due to circumstances, i really dont know if it is good idea, but i would still like to try. I am spending this two weeks trinig to bring myself together and sorting out what i really want. I am getting to understand the ffact that he actually might be out of my life. Point is, if there is any chance that we can work out, i wouldnt like to let it slip. He said he still loves me so maybe there is a chance. But then again, maybe we are really not ment to be. Thank you again for your reply
just wait it out. if he misses you enough during these weeks he will prob want to get back if he doesnt its a great thing he still wants to be friends. sometimes it just doesnt work out. maybe you can be friends with benefits if you two are up for that? good luck with these 2 weeks and remember even if he breaks up with you after, youll still be good friends ands thats the most important part
