I have a therapy appointment on Thursday and I'm really scared. I have a lot going on and I need to talk to someone. I was crying today over the fact that I feel like no one wants to around me. I know that is not the case but it is really starting to feel that way. I spend most of my nights alone lately. My fiancee has only been home for 2 nights in the past week. The one time she had her little cousins over and the other time she didn't get home from hanging out with our roommate and some friends, I was too tired too. I know she has been babysitting her little cousins and spending time over there. The only other time I have seen her is when I am taking her places since she doesn't have her license(It got suspend for not having car insurance for one whopping day and got caught), and at work since we work together. It's getting really sad that only get to see my fiancee at work and driving. My roommate is never home anymore and I'm getting super lonely and sad. So I am really been alone lately and it's driving me nuts. I also work with my roommate and I am seeing her there and not much at home. I don't like I matter anymore. If I ask to hangout its almost always no. Our friends with hang out with my fiancee and my roommate and not me, I'm not invited. Unless they come over to the apartment I don't see them anymore. On top of everything my Dad has stage IV lung cancer. He gets Chemo once a month at the Cleveland Clinic which is one of the best hospitals not only in Ohio but the whole country. That's an Hour and half to two hour drive each way and I have taken the last two times and its hard. There is no cure for the kind he has and it kills me having to take knowing that there is no cure. Yes, the chemo is helping him stay alive, and he is barely having any side effects but it is so hard. He has been going up there for over a year now, when he was only supposed to live for 4 months. I'm not ready to lose him since I already lost my Mom, my stepdad, my grandpa and over 20 aunts, uncles and cousins. I'm worried that is too much to bring to therapy. Especially considering that I am already on an anti anxiety because I have anxiety and I get panic attacks. Will I scare someone away for I bring all of this forward?
That is a lot of things to have to deal with at one time, just take a breath and deal with each one, one at at time. And no, it is not too much to tell a therapist. You are paying them to help you, and they can only help with the stuff you tell them. I am not saying it will be easy to tell them everything in one go. There is no shame or harm in picking some things to be focused on first and saving others for another session. Be honest with them and yourself, and they can help you feel better.
If you end up blurting it all out that's okay too, the therapist will be able to listen and help you go through them. I only had a few therapy sessions during uni, in the first one I blurted out about every issue that I had bottled up over 10 years, which we weren't really able to go into everything in that much depth that first time, but over the course of the few sessions I had we were able to go through and discuss the main issues. The therapist is there to help you. But I agree taking a deep breath and going through them one by one is the best way to go. Perhaps write a short note of things you want to discuss so that you don't get anxious when you are there.
Thanks guys, I am scared if blurting everything out in one go. I filled out the paperwork today and I kept thinking oh shit with everything that I checked that was bothering lately. I'm so worried, but I really have got to do this. Its now or never.
It will help. And make notes to yourself is a good idea. I keep a little journal now to write down thoughts and things that happen during the day. I am seeing a therapist for anger management and depression. The journal forces me to analyse triggers and help focus on more positive things.
