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Should I not be upset ?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Runawayjet, Jul 19, 2016.

  1. Runawayjet

    Regular Member

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    Hi. I haven't been on this site since last year. I'm bi . I just say gay sometimes because it's easier . I recently came out to everyone on Facebook. Thought it was easier that way. My mom already knew . And I now thought we were ok.
    A few hours ago before she went to bed . She brought up me being confused .. And that I'm gonna go from guy to girl .. And that I should "just choose one" . That sounded very hateful to me . I told her to please stop you are being mean. And she told me to stop that That she's allowed to have a opinion. I guess I couldn't handle all of it. So I cried . And I can't calm down. And was having bad thoughts for a little bit . (That never happen before) . Am I over reacting? I feel really bad about myself right now . my mom was always there for me .. My dad wasn't around as a kid. I don't know what to do.
     
  2. Davo

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    I think you have a right to be upset as your mother doesn't seem to understand how you are feeling and it can be difficult. Mothers do sometimes say the wrong thing, they just want what is best for you, she probably didn't mean to sound hateful but perhaps she's frustrated as she doesn't understand why 'picking one' isn't the way it works for you.

    I think you need to explain to your mom, maybe write her a letter about how you really feel and how you see your situation and how important it is to have your mom's support. Try to explain to her that you aren't confused, that you just are open to both genders and you don't see that as a discriminating factor, just like you wouldn't be able to only date people with one hair colour, you can't just be attracted to one gender.

    I imagine your mother just wants to understand you, so you need to give it time, it might take her a while to understand, and she might never fully understand, but either having a conversation or writing a letter to try and express yourself in a way which is true to who you are might help. She's bound to have questions and you just have to be open to answering them as best you can.
     
  3. L0ser

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    I definitely wouldn't blame you for being upset. Saying that is pretty mean, it implies you're not really bi and you should/can just "choose one," and that you're confused. I don't think it's fair for her to say "I have an opinion," as if that means you can't be upset by what she said.

    It could be helpful to talk with her about how you feel about her comments, explain what bisexuality is and isn't, and hopefully she'll learn to accept that. What she said might not have been intended to be mean, and maybe your mom just doesn't have much experience with the LGBT+ community. She might've thought she was being helpful, and she herself is confused on how to address your sexuality. I'm sure that she will have some questions, and perhaps preconceived ideas about bisexuality that you might need to deal with, but I hope that by the end she will understand you a bit more.