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Move on or continue hoping?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Telepathic, Jul 9, 2016.

  1. Telepathic

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    So recently I told a guy at work I liked him: he admitted we have a great connection beyond most friends he has but he never let himself consider a relationship with me because I'm a superior at work. After 2 awkward calls that day, we got back to work and everything is normal.

    But here's the problem, we seem to hang out more and more: like a business trip we hung out and got hair cuts/drinks. This week, we've had dinners on 4 out of 5 week nights and today (a saturday) he asked me to catch a movie and dinner. I know I should have more self control to say "no" but I went along and I feel instead of moving on, these actions are fuelling hope that this could turn into a relationship. So what I want to ask is:

    - Is he just being friendly and I'm seeing things that aren't there?
    - Am I being manipulated for workplace gain? (a friend suggested me to be careful)
    - Should I move on? & if so, how do you move from someone you see/work with?!
     
  2. A Mindful Wolf

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    Sometimes things just need to run their course...it's super hard when you work with someone and there is a "connection", even if it's totally inappropriate...there's a reason the majority of affairs are with co-workers.
     
  3. Chip

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    You're putting yourself (and potentially him) at significant risk if you pursue this. Most employers strongly frown on, our outright prohibit relationships between supervisors and employees because it opens the door to claims of sexual harassment.

    Personally, I'd let it go. And I'd have a conversation to let him know what you're doing and why so he isn't hurt.
     
  4. AlmostBlue

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    That seems quite intimate, and I think you should have a conversation again to clarify both your intentions. I think it would be totally reasonable for you to bring it up again and mention how you've been hanging out a lot and given the past conversation, you're wondering if he has reconsidered, or if anything has changed. If it hasn't, then you should tell him that the friendliness should be toned down to a professional level.

    In terms of dating in the workplace, many companies encourage the involved parties to sign a consent form with HR to avoid sexual harassment suits. If your company has this, then legally it's easier to navigate. However, dating in the workplace is always tricky, as you are already experiencing even before dating! I suggest you tread carefully.
     
  5. JonSomebody

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    I think you have been given some really good advice on this matter. However, I have been in a long term relationship at one time with the President of the corporation that I worked for. It was not something that I hoped for or even thought about pursuing because I had no idea that he liked men that way. Nonetheless, it eventually happened and blossomed into a five year relationship that was very secretive where no one knew anything about it. For me, everything fell into place because I did not pursue it...he did and prior to his pursuing a relationship with me, he got to know me on a business and personal level where initially we established a platonic friendship before becoming intimate. Yet, once a relationship evolved, we both talked extensively on how to go about our relationship as well as how to separate business from personal since I worked very closely business wise with him on a daily basis and furthermore, we had a lot of respect for each other in the long run. Unfortunately, with your situation, I have to agree with the advice that you have been given from the others because the way I interpret your initial post, these could possibly be some of the things that this guy is thinking about and taken under consideration and just want to have a platonic relationship with you.
     
  6. OnTheHighway

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    There is another approach to the extent the feelings are mutual and the relationship is growing, one of you either transfer out of the group your both working together in, or one of you even finds another job altogether.

    I had a couple working with me, they kept their relationship secret, and then when they decided it was serious, a voluntary employment change was made on this end.

    Obviously, before making such an extreme decision (either of you), make sure it's real.
     
    #6 OnTheHighway, Jul 10, 2016
    Last edited: Jul 10, 2016
  7. Telepathic

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    Thanks for the advice guys! Really helpful. I'm sorta beating myself up for being where i am and I know I should be taking the advice and putting them in action but emotionally... it's tricky. I think there are some personal and more intimate moments in our relationship that makes my gut all confused. Latest example today: he bought breakfast me breakfast. I didn't ask and he informed me after I got to work much later than he did. My gut just goes "why?! is this just being TOO nice?"
     
    #7 Telepathic, Jul 11, 2016
    Last edited: Jul 11, 2016