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is this dysphoria?

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by pastelwyvern, Jul 5, 2016.

  1. pastelwyvern

    Regular Member

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    Location:
    Chicago
    Gender:
    Male (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    Other
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I've been questioning my gender lately. I'm afab and I don't have any severe discomfort with my body, but as I've been thinking about my gender I've picked up on a few things that I hadn't realized.
    Firstly, in elementary school, after puberty hit and I got breasts, they felt weird in some way. When I looked down and saw them, it felt like something was stuck to my chest or like they weren't supposed to be there. This lasted for about three years. I've sort of gotten used to them (I'm 14 now) but sometimes with certain shirts or just for no reason I think I would feel more comfortable with a binder on. Even though my chest is small/average for my age, I occasionally wish it was smaller and catch myself envying my flat chested friends whose bodies aren't quite so feminine.
    Another thing is that shopping for clothes makes me want to cry quite often and I don't know why. I genuinely love online shopping, fashion, and makeup so i know it's not that clothes just aren't something I'm interested in. 3 out of 4 times I try to shop something feels seriously wrong and with the added pressure of my mother trying to make me look pretty I feel sick and miserable. I daydream about going to the boys section to buy clothes but I know it'll never happen, not to mention I'm too small for the clothes to fit right.
    On the flip side, I might just be a cis girl who likes more boyish style appearances. I could just be adjusting to my body and growing up. I don't hate my body or anything; I just sometimes feel a touch too feminine. It's like an itch I can't quite scratch. Maybe I'll grow into it. I'm also afraid I just have special snowflake syndrome. I don't want to hurt the trans and nonbinary community by subconsciously changing how I identify for attention. I'm scared and feel guilty. Is this dysphoria or just me growing up? Please be honest; I won't be hurt or offended if I'm just over thinking. The most helpful thing is honesty for me.
     
  2. Kiran

    Regular Member

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    Dysphoria by itself won't make you transgender.
    You might be wanting to present more masculine (like tomboy) or you might be trans. Nobody will answer those question for you. You need to think, observe yourself and give yourself time.

    It doesn't matter if you will identify yourself or no and later realise it was wrong. It's your life and you are responsible for your own quality of life, not some kind of community.
     
  3. pastelwyvern

    Regular Member

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    Location:
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    Out to everyone
    Thank you so much. I've realized from this that I do need to just take it slow and listen to myself and my feelings. This is my identity, not anyone else's. This was very helpful to me and thanks again for the honest reply :slight_smile:
     
  4. Kiran

    Regular Member

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    Location:
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    You're welcome. If you will have other questions or doubts, just ask.

    I needed talks with people to sort out my feelings or realise that doubts/fears don't invalidate me.

    Btw, you don't have to hurry up to identify yourself. But you don't have to do it slow if you need something else. Your own pace is good for you.

    Cheers.