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Bisexuality and anxiety for girls

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by indipendenza, Jul 3, 2016.

  1. indipendenza

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    Hi, welcome to everybody! I'm here as you might imagine to question my sexuality. I pretty think I'm bisexual, but I'd love to listen to your opinion.
    Basically, regarding to emotional attraction I had several crushes with girls (and when they're around it happens that I act fool and cool and stuff to ... don't know, as straight guys do basically) and no crushes for boys. Regarding to sexual attraction, I'm really attracted to boys and kinda attracted with girls; I like jerking off thinking at both sexes - I find it pleasurable in different ways - tho I find getting a boner with a girl harder. I thought that could happen because I developed a kind of anxiety - due to my parents behaviour when I was a child (DO NOT SEE NAKED GIRLS PICS OR I WILL THROW YOUR PC IN A RUBBISH BIN) and horrible experiences when I was in my pre-teens (girls in my former classroom teased me a lot, really, they were evil) - that can be assimilated to sexual performance anxiety; I read that if you are anxious you can't perform an erection.
    I am questioning since I am obviously not straight, but if I should label myself with "gay" I feel like several things don't match up. That'd be the most plausible explanation of my sexuality I've ever had, it fits with my sexual behaviour and my therapist's mindset (he also thought I was not gay and all this mess was caused by anxiety and fear etc). Tho, sometimes when I'm "ready" to accept my bisexuality I start being afraid that actually I'm just gay and that's just a way to deny my true sexuality (and that's source to more anxiety, and we come back to the previous thing).
    THANK YOU THANK YOU I REALLY NEED YOUR HELP :thumbsup: :thumbsup:
    By the way, I have evidence of being attracted both to boys and girls when I was young.
     
  2. sunnyskies

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    I personally think you really just have to go with what feels right within you, and if you feel like you identify most with bisexual at the moment then that's great, go for that :slight_smile:

    If identifying as gay doesn't feel right at the moment, then it probably isn't. Is there a possibility you might one day realise you are gay? Yes, there is that chance. And if that happens then you can identify as gay; no label has to be permanent, identifying with a particular label now doesn't mean you are stuck with that label forever. But if presently you don't feel that label fits you well, why force yourself into that label?

    As a side note, bisexuality doesn't mean you have to have equal attraction to both women and men; you can have preferences one way or the other and still be bisexual. Perhaps what you could be experiencing with finding it harder to get an erection with thinking of women than with thinking of men is a preference of some degree toward men?

    Just some things to consider :slight_smile: Hope its of some help x
     
  3. CuriousArticles

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    Anxieties really mess with your sex drive and getting turned on, so it wouldn't be surprising if this is playing a part in your attraction to women.

    I can completely relate to that sudden feeling of "what if I'm actually just gay(or straight)". The way I approach it is to just love who I love. If in a particular moment you want to be with a girl, go with it. Same for guys. Sunnyskies is right, no label is permanent. We all learn about ourselves as we age and grow, and the label you feel applies to you will change as you do. :slight_smile:
     
  4. indipendenza

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    Got it! Yes, bisexuality may be a bit tricky :slight_smile: I'll try to just follow my feelings, so I'll overcome the fear of being in denial (or, potentially, realize I'm in denial).
    My "labelling adventures" can be described by a cycle such as "well, I'm just bisexual > *I get attracted to a man* OMG I AM GAY > *I get attracted by a woman* well, I'm just bisexual" so it gets really confusing :astonished:
    thanks xx
     
  5. mvp 447

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    Yeah, don't worry about labels at all. And keep in mind that most people who are "bi", which is 75% of the population, aren't exactly 50/50. So maybe you lean toward a preference more with men, no big deal. You're bi with a leaning that way, who gives a damn? Don't feel obliged to use a label. Be what you are. If you like a girl, go for her, if you want to be with a man, go for him. Be what you really are, not what they all want you to be.