Hey, it's normal that when i do those test for depression on internet (from official websites of hospitals and clinics) everytime the result says "mild to average depression symptoms". Should i go to the doctor?. I mean, i'm not that sad like people on tumblr who glorifies depression says. But sometimes i don't know what to do with my life, sometimes i feel so hopeless. On my highschool I was always blaming myself everyday, thinking that I would never be normal, that I will always have a life of shit, thinking that maybe i wasn't good enough for anything, that I will never have a good or happy life, that i didn't deserve love from anyone, that all the bad things only happend to me, and those kind of things. Sometimes i feel that life is so meaningless, that everything is worthless, that maybe all i have to do is just going thru this thing people call life until my final moment comes. Yesterday i was okay and i suddenly thought "If I cut my neck with a knife, I'm sure I will day but it would be a mess to clean" like if was a normal thing, like "i have to go to the bathroom" or something like that. I had two suicidal thinks on the last six months, and it was on the moments where i couldn't stand the fact of being transgender, i couldn't stand the fact that i will always be looked as a weirdo, and that i was so scared about everything. It was like a "It's better if i kill myself rather than this". But i don't know i'm not sad everytime of the day, some years ago yes I was sad everytime and it was hell but i always said to myself "maybe it's the stupid teenage problems that everyone has or some kind of rubbish that teenagers invent". And now? well i don't know, i mean I'm in a mild mood, i'm not sad but i'm not happy, I always have headaches. I had sleep problems, always sleeping a minimum of 12 hours per day, but now I only sleep like something between 5 and 8 hours, there are some days where i can't sleep and i have to spent like 3 or 4 hours on bed until i sleep.
Sounds like it to me, friend. Well, if you want to get help with transition and stuff like that, and also to deal with these problems (that are probably related), maybe it's a good idea to go see a professional, yes. That's what I would recommend. Hugs. (*hug*)
It does indeed sound like mild to average depression. Remember depression isn't feeling sad. Realistically it's a lack of feeling, apathy. Losing motivation and care for things you once enjoyed. If you feel it is affecting your life I would strongly advise getting help from a doctor or psychologist, as it's much easier to fight depression before it gets bad
From my personal opinion if you feel you should see someone, you should. This world is rough and sometimes we just need a little assistance.
Idk.. i have been managing symptoms like yours for a long time now. I too have often wondered if it is depression and i guess.. i guess I have alwyas known but it doesnt make it any easier. Maybe we both ought to get help. I hate managing my apathy, the headaches.. the listlessness and aimlessness i feel regularly but I also abhor the thought of taking pills and messing with brain chemistry let alone talking about whatever psycho babble with a therapist. Initially i thought i could just muscle through it.. but these days my resolve is wearing thin. Yeah. I think depression needs professional help. I hate to say it. I really do. If you go through with seeking help please share the experience. I'll do the same.
John, I understand seeking help can seem like a hard thing to do. It is, to many. In my experience though, both from my personal experience and talking with others, the fear of going to therapy is much worse than actually being there. The "psycho babble" - well, in my experience there often just isn't much of that. It's not a psychology lesson, it's a person who's there to listen to your problems and give you some guidance so that you can feel better about what you're struggling with.
As a neurodivergent, what you have sounds like depression, I think you might want to get it checked out. I've lived with mental illness most of my life and you can go to mild depression to sever gradually or quickly over time and end up at a too late point. I highly recommend you make an appointment of some kind or maybe even make a journal to relax or to organize yourself. I sincerely wish you the best, best of luck
