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how to tell my family i am gay

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Okiamgay, Jul 2, 2016.

  1. Okiamgay

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    hi all i am 15 and i have wanted to tell my parents that i am gay for a while but i basically don't have it in me to tell them and i can't keep going on like this i need to tell them but i can't i have self harmed my self a few times and tried to commit suicide due to how much stress and pressure this is putting on me i have been to see a physiatrist or what ever there called i have forgot but it does not help that much i don't know how long i can keep my self together much longer before i do something really bad i have told a friend about that i might be gay and they are kind of helping me in a way even tho i haven't know them long at all i feel like they understand me in some way any way i need help i don't know what to do i really need to tell my family as this is breaking me apart but i can't as scared of the outcome
    i need help desperately on what i should do
     
  2. csm123

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    Hi and welcome to EC

    First and foremost just calm down a bit and take a little of that pressure off of yourself,this will help you to think about things more clearly and get through this in one piece.

    My first thoughts are what are you parents views on homosexuality?Are they religious?

    What sort of comments have they made about gay people or gay marriage or just about any thing that is gay related on the news etc?Do you think that they may suspect that you are gay?

    Having a bit of background on your parents is vital to be able to give accurate advice,especialy to a 15 year old who could be put into a dangerous situation with the wrong advice.

    You are out to 1 friend which is great and a massive plus that they seem to be able to help in some way.I was wondering if you had thought about coming out to a few more friends before coming out to your parents as this would give you a bit of a support network if things got a bit "ugly" at home and would also help you to gain a bit more confidence before the dreaded parent talk!

    I hope you come back with a little more info on your family and situation so that we can offer more advice and hopefully help you out.
     
  3. mvp 447

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    Whatever you do, please, DON'T HURT YOURSELF. It does not make you a bad person, sick or evil. DO NOT listen to that tripe. I think you should try and seek counseling if at all possible and go from there. Also, keep in mind that your sexuality is fluid, as it is for us all, there's a chance you may feel slightly differently in 3-5 years (Kinsey suggested approx 75% of people were truly bi).

    If u need someone to talk to, you can get someone on text, type go to 741-741 and a live counselor will text you back.
     
  4. Okiamgay

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    Thank you for the reply my parents are not religious an i think they have mixed views on homosexuality i think as when i hear them talking about it when they have had a few beers my mum doesn't really say anything about it but its mainly my step dad he acts gay when he is really drunk for some strange reason i don't know why but i don't know its hard to explain i don't think they suspect i am gay sometimes my step dad calls me gay boy and stuff like that as like a nick name for me or something which i don't really like because he does not know that i am actually gay every time he has his friends over he talks about my straight porn history on my internet even tho it isn't but i don't know if they know and there trying to get me to slip up and say i am gay or something along the lines of that an this friend which i have told them that i gay and they are female and all the time my parents think that me and her are a thing but we are not she is just a close friend as she knows that i am gay she is the only one who knows as i don't have many friends where i live to come out to really
     
  5. csm123

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    As mvp 447 has said,please don't do anything to harm yourself.It may all seem a little daunting at the moment but you can get through this.

    Thanks for a bit more info.

    Having parents that are not particularly homophobic and also not religious is a really good start.Do you have any other members of your wider family that are gay or suspected to be gay?

    Have you thought about how you want to tell them,would it help to drop a few hints here and there,casually bring up gay related stuff in conversation etc just to give them an idea to sort of think about the possibility before you actually tell them.Just bear in mind that if you do this or they already have any suspicians that the may well ask you and you have got to be ready to answer them.The other approach is to simply tell one or both together (your choice) when you feel you are ready to do it.If you do decide to tell them my advice would be to keep it simple and to the point and most of all be confident and don't make it into a big deal.I you don't make a big deal of it then neither will the person you are telling basically seems to work for me.

    There is no set time you have to come out to anyone including your family and you are only 15 so if you don't feel ready just yet why not spend a week or two gauging your parent opinions on gay related issues and see if one or the other would be the best option to tell first and have as an ally when it comes to telling the other.

    I am just giving you a few things to consider and think about but obviously the choice of how and when to tell them is ultimately up to you.Some people can't seem to get the courage to do it face to face so they often write there parents a letter explaining everything so that is another option to consider.
     
  6. Okiamgay

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    Thank you for your advise i have written a letter for my parents about me being gay and coming out to them as i don't really want to talk face to face about it to them but i just can't think of how i would give them the letter
     
  7. csm123

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    It is good that you have a plan in place,if you have got as far as writing a letter then I am sure you can work out where to leave it or when to hand it to them.This will be a fairly easy thing to work out once you feel ready to come out.

    Just by what you have told us I would say that you sound to have the sort of parents that will most likely be fairly understanding and accepting.

    Good luck when it happens.
     
  8. guitar

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    Is there a guidence councilor or someone you can speak to at school? They can guide you to services set up to help teens who need it.
     
  9. Hunter8

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    Often times I find that I can better express how I feel in written rather than spoken words. Do you think you could write a letter and then give it to them?