I was born a male who likes girls, but sometimes I feel like a woman. I want to wear pretty dresses,and look gorgeous. But then, on the other side, I don't ALWAYS feel that way. Maybe because I was so conditioned into being a guy. Maybe because I have masculine pride for some reason. I don't know what it is, but there's some part of me that still does want to be a guy, and I don't know why. And yet, I also want to be a beautiful girl. So, it's hard to say whether I'm gender fluid or just a trans deeepply in denial. Either way, I want to express feminine girly feelings, but I don't necessarily want hormones/surgery to become a woman. It's painful. It really is. :/. What the heck do I do with this?
Hmm, maybe try dressing up and expressing your feminine side for long as you can, (a day or two etc etc) and have a long think about how it felt, what you liked/didn't like about it. Whatever conclusion you come to, remember that it's okay to be a man, it's okay to a women, it's okay to be both or neither, it's okay to be who you are <3 We're all here for you!! Hope this helps xx
I think this will take sometime from you to get to know your answer , try to dress more, try to spend more time outside, and really give it more time and see how you feel about it, and see if you like to live your life that way or not , at the end you don't have to be a trans if your not, there's other cross dressers and or transvestite people who i believe they're happy about it, and some of them are actually bi, So at the end do what make you feel happy . Cheers
It's possible that your feeling of wanting to still be a man comes from a place of internalized transmisogyny. This would mean that from living in this society that deeply hates trans women, you've learned you need to constantly affirm your maleness and discount any feelings of not being male, especially feelings of being female. Because apparently being a trans woman is the absolute worst thing someone assigned male at birth can be :dry:. If you come to a knee-jerk reaction of 'yes' when you consider the question of whether you really feel male, and don't feel any particular enjoyment in considering yourself male, I find it possible, but not assured, that identifying as male or partially male isn't for you. Does the idea of not identifying as male sound pleasant? After a period of repressing my femaleness and then rediscovering my gender variance, I thought I might still want to identify as male or partially male. I thought about it for months and gradually found I really didn't like anything about maleness in me, and found out it was just a mental defense mechanism. Also, there is an infinite number of ways to be trans. There are trans women, trans men, and many kinds of non-binary people, and what we do with our bodies or how we act is not determined by our identities. I consider myself to have been female my whole life, regardless of hormones, and regardless of genital shape. I did start hormones a bit over a year ago, because I wanted the changes. I also got facial feminization surgery, again because I wanted the changes. I'm not getting bottom surgery because I love my genitals as they are. Hormones and any kind of surgery are completely optional for every kind of trans person. Bottom line, do what makes you happy.
You can be a woman and feel male and vice versa. I don't know if there's a hard formula for how much male you can feel and still be a woman or how much woman you can feel and still be a male. But there are lots of ways to express gender other than dressing and looking gorgeous or handsome. I mean, yeah, I LOVE cute dresses and whatnot but I spend a lot of time in my gender through reading books and watching movies and TV shows and listening to music and writing stories that make me feel it. And talking to other women. That really helps the most, I think. Making connections to other women and just talking stuff out.