Can a Kinsey 5 call herself a lesbian?

I'm probably about a 5 - though other days I'm probably a 6, who knows? - and I consider myself gay. I can't see myself ever dating or sleeping with a woman again, so hence I go with gay. Remember, the term gay / lesbian just means a PREFERENCE for the same sex, it doesn't mean "under no circumstances ever." And besides it's not like you're trying to meet some arbitrary definition of a sexuality, call yourself whatever you want.

 

I'd think so anyways.

One could be technically bisexual, but homoromatic. Meaning you have attraction to both genders but can only really see yourself with a woman. Not wanting to date men, It'd be better to simply say you're gay so they don't get their hopes up, I suppose? I guess I'm kind of in the same boat for the most part.

As in, saying you're bi would attract both, while saying you're gay will attract members of your same gender. If you'd rather be with women, the "gay label" saves time. Unless it's one of those guys who "can change you" then there's no stopping them anyway and they're best shunned, I should know.

A little confusing but maybe something helpful in there, I'd hope?

 

A lot of Kinsey 6 lesbians are not put off by the thought of sleeping with a man, some are simply indifferent to the idea. This is how they end up in straight marriages with kids and whatnot before they realize what is really going on. The real indicator is simply who you find sexually attractive, do you ever find yourself attracted in that way to a man? Do you ever see a man and feel an urge to kiss or sleep with him?

My personal opinion is that gay and lesbian are labels reserved for Kinsey 6s, but it is just my opinion. People pick whatever labels they feel comfortable with anyway.

 

I am very sure that I am gay, but I'm not totally blind to attractive women. I can generally see what straight guys see in the opposite sex, but I've never had any desire to don't take it further like they do. Does that make me Kinsey 5... or 5+? I would say so, but others may think differently.

Very few things in life are 100% and there is no reason to set such a high bar for our sexuality. I just don't think it's reasonable. We can set ourselves up for months and years of disappointment and misery if we aim for such a thing. Kinsey himself reckoned that few people were a perfect 0 or 6, so why aim to be the c.10% who are?

 

I don't think this defines you as a kinsey 5 though. Kinsey himself said that in order to be a 5, you have to be open to sexual activity with the opposite sex, but not in a way that would make you identify as "bi" (for example, prisons, same-sex school, a straight guy giving handjobs away in the locker room). If finding something good looking makes us a 5, then I am incidentally incestuous for admitting my sister is pretty all dolled up and not understanding why she doesn't have a boyfriend yet. But it just doesn't seem right to me.

I do think you can be a 5 and identify as gay though, sure. Sexual activity doesn't always relate to sexual orientation fully. If you don't feel that your sexual desires are enough to make you bi, then that is fine.

 

It's whatever label feels most authentic to you. Sometimes that can be hard because you may want to balance that with how others will understand the label. Labels are very specific in their meanings anyway, and can't ever describe exactly how a person feels. Only the person can do that.

And a lesbian can totally date a man if they want. If you like a guy someday, then that's what happens. That's the truth. You don't owe anyone an explanation. Just do you. If, however, you would be more comfortable identifying as bisexual then that'd be cool too.

Alternatively, you could identify as queer. I find that label can be good, if you like it, because it's an umbrella term and it can work for a wide variety of feelings and attractions.

Good luck!

 

Evidently, a Kinsey 1 (or even 0) can call herself a lesbian. The question (other than why she might want to) is how you personally feel about the "misrepresentation", and whether you're ok with any impact that may arise down the road, if you get into a relationship with a woman premised on the assumption that you're a lesbian, and it needs to come out at some point that you aren't quite. Should that happen, it won't matter a bit what anyone on this site thinks or tells you. It's all about you and your choices.

 

Of course. If that's what feels the best, then go for it. I would say I'm a Kinsey 1,5 ish, but I identify as mostly straight and bi, kind of - because much like you (though opposite) I feel like there might possibly be a potential for me to fall for a girl, and more probable still, that I might just fool around with one if the situation presented itself, but I'm in general not very interested in girls.

 

Hmm I think as someone pointed out, you could easily be a six. Thinking someone is cute can be quite different to sexual attraction and the latter is what matters here.

Sometimes I have tried to be diplomatic with calling myslef a Kinsey 4 but tbh I'm much more of a 5 I'm deciding. My problem is I get very very romantically attached to girls and not at all to guys, but I can get turned on by the idea of sex with guys. I don't know why because I'm not sure I even enjoy kissing them, but the feeling's really there and tangible so I can't call myself a 6 no matter what. I also find guys in life cute occasionally, but I never get crazy infatuated with them like girls. Thus, I see myself with girls. I can just imagine hooking up with a guy though. And sometimes I think I should stay open to a guy that might make me more interested romantically.

I definitely relate in this way to your idea of being too gay to be bisexual and too boxed in by lesbian. Calling myself bisexual makes me feel under pressure because people try to talk to me about guys and I do not care. Calling myself gay makes me feel under pressure to not feel anything about guys both now and in the future ever. That seems like too much of a commitment.

I'be decided to sort of forego labels for a bit, because I know I have to live to grow into one. Sitting here thinking is not going to allow me to magic up a perfect label.

 

Some lesbians are VERY hung up about anyone who has some attraction to the opposite sex, calling themselves lesbian.

Some bisexuals are somehow hung up about people who broadly fall under the bisexual umbrella calling themselves gay.

But - "Kinsey 5" means so many different things to different people- in one case it might mean that the person experiences very rare, but equally strong attraction to the opposite sex (bisexual), and at other cases it can mean that the person is gay, but just has not really abandoned the idea of maybe one day being open to an opposite sex relationship.

It depends on the person and their sexuality which label is accurate for them.

 

SHACH and sunnyskies, the three of us sound quite alike, I think (though I'm into guys rather than girls). :3

And yeah, sunny, I've used kind of bi or straight kind of interchangeably, kind of depending on the circumstances... it's weird... XD On like, FB and stuff, though, I put "interested in men", and I'm not really interested in dating women.

 

I'm between 5 and 6 but I, Gay for simplicity

 

So yeah... I guess saying straight really makes more sense for now, at least until I'm sure whether I'm genuinely into girls or not. ^^

---------- Post added 3rd Jul 2016 at 04:22 PM ----------

Why not fabulous though? <3 The rainbow unicorn army needs more rainbow soldiers at the front to further the gay agenda combat the forces of darkness.

 

No probs, mate. I'm glad you can relate to my descriptions and got something out of it. I get that weird feeling of not quite being able to accept it without a label. I find you need to put yourself into the mindset of trying consciously not to overthink things. Of course it will happen occasionally but try to chill out.

What I do find problematic however is that I don't know how to come out and that makes me feel sort of anxious. But I cant help you there, cos I really have no idea what to do about that. Let's see if anyone else has input for us on that.

I mean, I'm sure some people would be fine with me saying I'm not sure which label I am but someone like my mother would take that confusion as something that invalidates my feelings for girls because I'm " just confused". I'm not confused about whether I have feelings for girls, just how I want to express that. Tbh I'm more confused about guys.

 

Id consider myself a 5.5, and still call myself a lesbian. Despite my VERY minor interest in guys (yuck) Id never date them or have anything to do with them in real life.