I've somehow found myself in the position of being sort of a mentor to a 14-year-old trans guy who made a complete social transition last year, and I have been using my own experiences going through puberty as a cis guy to help advise him on what to expect in the coming years. I don't know how close the parallels are, though. Although a lot of the changes will be the same, it is possible they may not occur on exactly the same timescale or extent as when he undergoes them. In addition, I don't know if he's already too old at 14 to grow taller or not. Another thing. He is asexual/aromantic, but has some feelings for girls. I'm wondering if that will stay the same, as I of course felt similar prior to puberty and then ended up developing both romantic and sexual feelings at a very fast rate. Are there any appreciable differences, and if so, what are they?
If he isn't on hormones (which chances are, at 14, most trans kids aren't), then the physical aspects of puberty are different from transitioning. But that doesn't mean you can't help him. Like for the sexuality: it can always change. For some trans people, they do struggle, especially when they get older, because some feel like they have to be straight. I think though if you're let him know that if you're there for him if he has any questions about sexuality that you'll be all right. If he does begin to question his sexuality later on, just let him know that it's okay for it to change or develop as he gets older, and that it doesn't always have to be the same. As for his height, he might get taller or he might not. The difficult part with being transgender is that whenever we need to know medical things about our bodies, we always have to refer to the opposite gender. In this case I'll just say that those with the XX chromosomes stop growing taller typically around the ages of 14/15, but that isn't always the case. And if eventually starts hormones (if that's what he wants or isn't on them now), then he could possibly grow taller if he begins soon, though only by an inch or two; and that's not very common though. So he may have to come to terms with his height as it is now. Nonetheless, if he's self-conscious about his height, you can always suggest to him to try shoe lifts. It can make him 1 to 3 inches taller. I personally haven't found them in a store yet, but you can purchase them online for less than $20. Otherwise, giving him a guiding hand based on your own experiences could be all he needs. It's okay not to understand everything. Just listening and trying, and being willing to help him in any way you can, can be enough. Occasionally you might need to learn a few things, but posing questions on Empty Close or finding blogs or videos are always an option. Good luck! Plus, I think your friend is really lucky to have you.
It's more than just me being an older mentor as well; we have similar personalities and think almost on the same wavelength. Both of us have struggled with similar forms of social awkwardness. He's almost like a younger version of myself except for being trans. When I was talking about advising him in the years ahead, I was referring to how he's hoping to start hormones pretty soon. Mainly, going through HRT as a trans guy versus going through puberty as a cis guy; what are the differences? I suggested he might be able to gain some height, but only if he started soon; I know I stopped growing when I was 15.
You sound like a big brother! Which is great and it's amazing you want to help him through it. If he wants to get taller with hormones, if he has any chance at all, he would have to start soon, although it can be hard to find therapists and endochronologists who'll let trans folks under 18 start. (I'm not sure if he's found one yet, but he will need a therapist to write a referral letter saying that he's able to start hormones.) When he does start hormones, he'll basically go through a second stage of puberty in his life, which should be very similar to the one you went through. If he were in his 30s or older, then he might necessarily get all the effects many trans guys look for, but he since he is young he's more likely to experience most if not all of the following: voice deepening, facial and body hair growth (note that not everyone does get facial or sometimes it take a while being on testosterone for it to start to come in, likely increase in energy, muscle mass growth & strength, infertility, his menstrual cycle will stop after a few months, fat redistribution. One of the big things in many trans guys is acne as well. So you might want to warn him to be prepared to buy acne cream or foam and tell him to wash his face twice a day. It might be good to start early on facial cleansing, if only to get in the habit. Overall, I'm assuming it's pretty the same thing, but I'm not sure if there's anything else you as a cis man may have gone through that the above listed is missing.
OK, so height is kind of a maybe, maybe not at this point. As for the rest, it seems pretty similar to what I went through, but the question is timing. I've heard that HRT will basically switch his hormone levels to those of a typical cis male, which would suggest the changes will occur on approximately the same timescale as mine did, but I've also heard it might happen faster. For comparison, the first thing I noticed was my sex drive developing a few months after I turned 12, which I regard as when I started puberty. Facial hair and body hair kind of gradually grew in during the next year (accompanied by acne as mentioned) and I didn't start shaving until I was about 13 and a half. My voice took a while to drop; there were some changes at the same time as before, but it really only dropped at 14, two years after I started. The physical changes weren't complete until 15, so the whole process took about three years. This whole sequence matches up well enough with the idea that HRT's mental effects happen pretty quickly but that physical changes don't start until 6 months or so in, but I don't know if things occur faster or slower for transition than puberty.
So I did some researching and finally rediscovered a virtual pamplet-like guide I once read that outlines the basics a trans guy needs to know or wants to know when starting hormones. On page 7 you'll find the average timeline in which the effects normally begin, though just like regular puberty, some cases are different and it varies on how your friend receives hormones (gel, patch, injection) and the dosage. Hormones: A Guide for FTM It's very helpful and you could read over the whole thing yourself (if you have anymore questions that it might be able to answer), but I also recommend perhaps forwarding it to him as well; he might want to read it himself.
Thanks H20. That's very interesting; it seems like everything's the same, but somehow compressed into about half the time as what I experienced. I wonder why that is?
faster journey towards adult testosterone levels and the overall physical development being in later stage to begin with. With cis men, it's more gradual because, for instance, testicles need to develop over time, while trans men get to "full dose" relatively faster.
