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Bisexuality question

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by JB69, Jun 25, 2016.

  1. JB69

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    Wasn't sure how to title it lol.

    I have a question, is it possible to have sexual feelings for men and women while only being capable of emotional feelings for women? My sexual experiences with men far outweigh those I've had with women, massively. I've slept with maybe 30 guys several of which were regular yet inbetween the sex there were no feelings, when I'd hang out with them purely for the company or an activity there were no sparks or excitement other than the prospect of more sex, literally everything has been on a sexual/pleasurable level, otherwise I just viewed them like my straight friends. Some guys I've been involved with, you'd be crazy not to fall for; funny, ridiculously good in bed and careful/caring, yet I've never been able to see them as more than friends outside of the sex.

    Is it possible? I don't feel as though im repressing any emotional feelings towards guys, if they were there I feel I would embrace them, but they only seem to exist for women. Any thoughts? It has always concerned me.

    It may be worth noting that I am also very attracted to transgendered women both emotionally and physically.

    Just looking for a little clarification and opinions, thanks.
     
  2. Southpaw

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    I have the same thing but the other way around. I fancy women and the female form appeals to me sexually but I am usually more attracted romantically to men.

    I'm also attracted to men sexually but that usually comes after I've already got to know the person.

    Every guy I have ever loved has always started with an emotional/friendship connection as I tend to fall for the person regardless of gender.
     
  3. Tomás1

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    JB …you're describing your process w women & men, & not what's possible. I fell romantically in love w a guy about 10 yrs ago, & we're still v close.

    I don't think it's you're "repressing emotional feelings towards guys" … but rather you're not expressing any. It's all about vulnerability - opening your heart - which as men, is usually the last thing we want to do, cuz it is viewed as femme, & weak.

    To one of your sex buddies, you could take a baby step by asking for his attention in a safe relaxed setting, and saying "I really like being w u bec you're funny and good in bed" … or "I'd like to spend some more time w u, would u go on a road trip w me for a few days?" … or "I don't like it when u come over & you're drunk/stoned, cuz I don't feel like I'm really with u" …

    or whatever your version would be, to express some feelings about your guy that u haven't expressed before.

    Generally, when u open your heart to someone, they open theirs in return, & the rel deepens.

    How's this sound?
     
    #3 Tomás1, Jun 25, 2016
    Last edited: Jun 25, 2016
  4. lnamae

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    I think it's possible, for sure.

    Although I would probably really try to make sure that's what it was though (a different, only sexual, form of attraction) rather than not being able to be romantically attracted to men because of social conditioning or repression or whatever...

    Not saying that's what it is, but I would really think about this to make sure. Although yeah, as someone who experiences bisexuality pretty fluidly there are times when I'm attracted to guys sexually, but romantically not at all. I don't see why for some people that wouldn't be more fixed.
     
  5. DRex

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    That's a question I've wondered as well. I've mostly felt attraction, both sexual and romantic, to women for the majority of my life. I have had sporadic feelings for men too though, mostly on a sexual level and more in an "I can see myself doing that" way. At the same time, I'm hard pressed to come up with any male celebrities I'd consider "hot" in the way I do female ones, and I still can't see myself in a consistent relationship with a man. I've dated four women so far, and while two of them were trans and one of those was pre-everything to the point where it would look to most outsiders like I was dating a guy, I have yet to ever actually date a guy. I've done some heavy making out/petting with one guy and liked it, but that was the most I did.

    I've been wondering lately if I can even call myself bisexual at this point, as I still feel as though I'm attracted mostly to women and I would really only prefer androgynous guys at best. Also, I feel almost like I'd prefer women if possible, but am willing to try men if only because having someone to play with is better than no one. Strangely, I also feel I like male genitalia more than female, but I still prefer females otherwise. But then, considering I've dated women with those parts as well, that confuses things too. I don't even know how legitimate these guy feelings are, maybe it's just that I wish I could be attracted to guys? But then, if I find myself wishing I was into guys, would that not mean that on some level, I do like guys? I don't know.

    tl;dr, my sexuality is complicated and confusing.
     
    #5 DRex, Jun 26, 2016
    Last edited: Jun 26, 2016
  6. BiGuy365

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    Felt basically the same all my life. Made out and had sex with a guy for the first time in my life, but I am married. I couldn't stop myself at the time, but came out and worked on my marriage.. I thought I got over it, but now I still get turned on thinking about it again. I definitely have an issue to deal with..
     
  7. CPUNerdGirl

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    I'm a woman and I'm the exact same way, so it's totally normal. :slight_smile:
    I only want to date women, but I enjoy sex with men as well. The way you describe the emotions with men is exactly how I describe it. When we're not having sex, it just feels like any other friendship. With women, there's something deeper.

    Don't let the people talking about repressing feelings for men confuse you. I thought a similar thing about myself, but the problem wasn't a fear of opening myself up. I did try to have strong romantic feelings for men, it it always felt forced and unnatural, and completely different than it was with women.
     
    #7 CPUNerdGirl, Jun 27, 2016
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  8. Confuseddude

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    And me too. Felt the same all my life. I've dated a trans girl once and dated a few girls but never a guy. Yet. My sexuality is complicated and confusing in similar ways!
     
  9. peterw78165

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    It's definitely possible. I have a similar experience, but it's sort of the reverse of yours. I'm romantically into both guys and girls, but I tend to be more sexually attracted to guys. I am still sexually attracted to girls, but on a much smaller scale than I am with guys.