Help me fix my sex life (lesbian)

My fiancée and I had been together 5 years and a month ago she moved out. I'm totally heartbroken, and she has said too that she is sad about it. We are still seeing each other in a dating sense, with no strings attached, just trying to enjoy each other's time and company, hopefully rebuilding what we once had. We have an obvious romantic connection, care for each other very much, laugh at each other's jokes, etc. We have not had any sexual relations in over 6 months, and before that it was just about as long. The first 2-3 years of the relationship we had frequent sex, and then it just kind of died. I am the more femme one, but I am the top. I desire her all of the time, and being rejected by her has been very painful. Last night she dropped a bombshell on me as to why she lost interest in sex with me.

She said she doesn't think we have sexual chemistry, and that we have had "some" good sex but not always. This came as a shock to me, given that every time we have sex, we both have multiple orgasms and squirt cum all over the place. She said "that's not what I mean by having good sex." Then, she proceeded to tell me that as a bottom, she feels that I use her only to get off. She said the way I'm "f"ing her changes as I'm about to cum, and she feels like it's no longer about her. She said she feels objectified when I touch her in any way (touching her butt when she's in front of me going up stairs, or a little playful nipple smack here and there). All things I thought were normal and playful ways of touching your partner and letting them know you think of them sexually. What's interesting is that when the relationship started, it was more mutual- pleasuring me first and I'd pleasure her after. Then, she revealed that she wanted me to f her from behind. This is a very submissive act, as is me sitting on her face which she confessed that she wanted me to do as well. Once I started doing that, it became less about what pleasures me and all about me pleasuring her. I got off on that. Making her feel happy and have huge orgasms turned me on and I found it easy to orgasm while penetrating her- without even being touched. I adapted to this new, dominant role, but have always really missed that face-to-face connection that we had before our sex life became routine with me only f ing her from behind.

I guess that's my fault, I could've changed it up a bit, but I digress... My heart broke when she said these things to me last night. I told her I wish she had communicated these things to me and she said "I did, many times." Not really into that level of depth. She has said before that she doesn't like when I touch her butt going up the stairs, but she is a really sensitive person who gets rubbed the wrong way by everything in life, so the biggest challenge for me has been trying to navigate what's a real issue and what is just frustrating her in that moment and she will eventually be able to get over it. Moving forward, it's safe to assume that everything is serious to her and there won't be something she can just get over if it happens again.

She said when I touch her it feels selfish, that she doesn't feel it's for her, that she doesn't feel safe, and that because she has said not to, if I were a man she would consider that to be sexual harassment. Am I wrong for feeling like she chose a submissive sexual role, so I then am the dominant one? And being with someone means it's ok to touch them when you're feeling attracted to them? Also, I said this to her, and it's honestly how I feel- I only care about her getting off and feeling loved. That's why I always want to touch her and be with her. She said it doesn't feel that way, but then when I asked her what I could do that would make her feel that way she said "i don't know and I don't want to analyze why I feel the way I do." I think part of it too is that she doesn't know exactly what she wants or why things are uncomfortable for her. I know her only LTR before me was an on and off sexual affair with a married woman, so their entire sex life was a dirty little secret. I'm sure that plays a part here too.

I need so much help here. How could I do better to make her feel that way? To feel like she's first and most important when it comes to sex? And to know that I'm attracted to her without making her feel, as she put it, "like a piece of meat." I'm so sad that she feels this way, and I know it will take time for me to fix this, but the way I feel about her is not the way I'm making her feel and I need to be able to reconcile those two things. Help me please, I'm so sad.