Any gay guys - have you turned out to be gay and previously felt the following?

Before I start this I should point out that there are plenty of indications that I may be gay but for the purpose of this post I'm going to focus on some of the things that indicate I'm straight or bisexual. My question is can any gay guys out there relate to having experienced some of these things at some point in their life either before during or after questioning your sexuality.

I don't think that any one of these points necessarily indicates I'm straight or bisexual but these are a collection of thoughts which prevent me from accepting what I often see as probable homosexuality.

-First sexual thoughts were about girls

-Only ever notice girls on TV or in the street etc. (Constantly find eyes instantly drawn toward attractive. This essentially never happens with males)

-Find the thought of kissing, hugging with a female unquestionably very appealing. I think about it often. The feeling of being intimate in any of these ways with males is completely unappealing.

-I was badly addicted to porn for years but have given up completely months ago now. I can masturbate to thoughts of either males or females equally easily and satisfyingly.


Now remember the questions. That's nowhere near to a balanced view on my sexuality. The last point obviously points clearly in the direction of being bisexual but my question really focuses on people who identify as gay but at some point have thought otherwise.

 

Hi Nickw, thank you for the wise words. I kind of know you're right but I can't help but come back to the questioning. Sometimes I accept the unknown, sometimes I accept a label such as bisexual and other times I'm back to constant questioning. I think that doubt comes into play and I start to wonder what feelings are real and which are made up.

 

I recently turned 25 but I'm very inexperienced. My life has was somewhat dominated by a porn addiction. I experienced problems with ED and when I googled it it led me to porn addiction. I spent the next 2-3 years trying my hardest to beat it. I then spent 18 months or so after that madly questioning my sexuality. That takes me to around 6 months ago. For the first time I sort of settled with 'some form of bisexual'. The trouble is throughout the whole period of porn addiction and orientation questioning I've had essentially no experience with either sex. Before all that I had a couple of girlfriends but at an age where you weren't really expected to do anything sexual. I only ever had these girlfriends because friends sort of put us together - it always felt incredibly awkward.

As of 6 months ago, having finally fully beaten porn addiction (and a little bit of a drug problem which I developed along the way) I finally found myself in a position where I've been able to do what I'd spent years dreaming of doing - speaking to and getting girls. I've had to completely and totally teach learn the whole process. I just had no idea how to even talk to girls, I had never spent any real time alone with any girls, friends or otherwise but over the last 6 months this has changed completely. I'm comfortable with them now. I can talk to them, approach them flirt with them. I'm in a position where I expect to be in a relationship in the very near future.

I am very attracted to girls - no doubt. I find them beautiful I find them sexy. I can masturbate to the thought alone of sex with a women and it's satisfying as can be. In real life I have had 'sex' with 7 or 8 women. Every time I have been incredibly drunk in fact I think more and more drunk each time. Each time I would be unable to get hard. Of course each time this happened the next time I put even more pressure on myself and then also got even more drunk first. After all these failed attempts I found the porn addiction and then finally started to question my sexuality. Since then I have tried to have sex once, again very very drunk, again unable to work. Most times it hasn't worked we have still gone through loads of enjoyable foreplay. Sober or drunk I enjoy the touch of a women, the smell the feel and the beauty.

Men - no emotional connection. Don't notice at all in every day life although can appreciate attractiveness. In my sexual thoughts they pop up equally with women. I can masturbate to the thought alone of sex with a man and it is very satisfying. I've never done anything in real life. I intend to one day try.

The trouble is it feels like if it's a case of being bisexual then I will 'choose' to live a heterosexual life. I do like the traditional thought of a family with kids and this is what I've always envisaged. It feels like I am bisexual but my penis seems to disagree (but then it's now at a point where there are a bunch of other issues that come into play there). Despite feeling bisexual the ED problems and the fact that I fear my wanting to have a family etc may be warping my view of my own sexuality.