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So....it's happening :)

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by baristajedi, Jun 21, 2016.

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  1. baristajedi

    baristajedi
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    Everything's finally moving forward - *everyone* knows I'm queer, we finally picked a solid date to start the open marriage (in two weeks!), I'm walking around with my little rainbow bracelet on my way to work, essentially preparing to out myself there, I'm going to my first Pride in less than 2 weeks....

    It's got me feeling happy, excited, free ...especially the dating part, but it's also all got me feeling a bit like a lost little puppy. Or a runaway freight train, just blindly careening towards my big gay destination. I mean, what am I doing???

    This is what I want, but guys it's a little....terrifying. The rawness and unfamiliarness and vulnerability of it all.

    I need a compass, an anchor, something. Something to help me feel like the ground isn't constantly shifting under my feet.
     
    #1 baristajedi, Jun 21, 2016
    Last edited: Jun 21, 2016
  2. OnTheHighway

    OnTheHighway
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    .....with that type of enthusiasm, can you even wait for "Two weeks"???

    :slight_smile:
     
    #2 OnTheHighway, Jun 21, 2016
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  3. baristajedi

    baristajedi
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    I've been waiting 37 years! Well I suppose 27 if you're counting back to my first girl crush... But two weeks still seems far away! :icon_bigg. At the same time, I like having the time to let it sink in, to plan my outfit :slight_smile:, to feel a bit grounded. It's like I want to rush into everything but I also want to slow down and take my time. It's a weird mix of emotions.

    There's a warm feeling in my chest that feels amazing right now. That's the thing I'm kind of following, the warmth and happy energy that's building inside me.
     
    #3 baristajedi, Jun 21, 2016
  4. OnTheHighway

    OnTheHighway
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    Time to download some apps (if you have not done so already) and seeing what is out there!
     
    #4 OnTheHighway, Jun 21, 2016
  5. PlaidGlove

    PlaidGlove
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    Your anchor is yourself. If you don't know what that means, you probably need to work on your confidence. Here's my advice: work on your confidence by working on being self-compassionate, honoring your boundaries and protecting your self-respect. Detach from the outcome.

    As for Pride, I'd love to say expect nothing, but I know you're gonna have so much fun. (!)(*hug*) Find people to hang out with in advance, cuz some places have lesbian cliques made up of insecure individuals who act accordingly.

    Go you for going!! Very important step!!
     
    #5 PlaidGlove, Jun 21, 2016
  6. baristajedi

    baristajedi
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    I've got an account in one dating site. :slight_smile:. There are a lot of cuties out there. :slight_smile:. I like the one (you probably know which) that allows you to say "I don't want straight people to see my profile", you can really customise your profile.

    ---------- Post added 21st Jun 2016 at 12:54 AM ----------
    I can be my own anchor, I think I finally can say that. This process has in turns been one of the most humbling/daunting and strengthening experience in my life. And those experiences go back and forth constantly.

    I'm actually a little unsure what to expect in Pride here...yesterday I was told it's "very small" compared to other Prides and last less time. But...well, oh well, I've nothing to compare it to. And I'm *really* excited about it!!!
     
    #6 baristajedi, Jun 21, 2016
  7. PlaidGlove

    PlaidGlove
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    Nothing wrong with small Pride. Makes it all the more important that it's there, right? And all the more important that you participate and are out.

    Besides, makes it easier to survey the selection of amazing women available. :wink:
     
    #7 PlaidGlove, Jun 21, 2016
  8. baristajedi

    baristajedi
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    Yes!


    True that! :wink:
     
    #8 baristajedi, Jun 21, 2016
  9. PlaidGlove

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    Go you, baristajedi!! I'm so incredibly proud of you! Enjoy your life of liberty! Sure, it's tough as hell at times, but it is so worth it.

    You're living your life as YOU. Nothing is better.
     
    #9 PlaidGlove, Jun 21, 2016
  10. baristajedi

    baristajedi
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    Thank you! I'm feeling really humbled right now... This is a wonderful day :slight_smile:
     
    #10 baristajedi, Jun 21, 2016
  11. Katchoo

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    You're doing so well!
     
    #11 Katchoo, Jun 21, 2016
  12. baristajedi

    baristajedi
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    Thanks Katchoo! :kiss:
     
    #12 baristajedi, Jun 21, 2016
  13. kypso

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    That's awesome! So pleased for you!
     
    #13 kypso, Jun 21, 2016
  14. OutofZCloset

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    hmmm....this may sound like a nieve question....but what does an open relationship actually look like? I mean...are you just talking about going out and dating? Or are you allowed to have sex with different women? What happens if you really like the person you are dating and you fall in love with that person? With women isn't that always a risk? I know it would be for me.
     
    #14 OutofZCloset, Jun 21, 2016
  15. Zen fix

    Zen fix
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    Wow Barista good for you. That's some happy news I'm sure many of us are glad to hear.
     
    #15 Zen fix, Jun 21, 2016
  16. maybgayguy

    maybgayguy
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    Thanks for posting the updates Barista! I am looking forward to hearing how this goes.

    In some ways, I would think this would be great for me...although I don't think my wife would go for it.

    I would worry about the falling in love part that OutofZCloset mentioned...so I am not sure if I could handle it either! People are successful with this arrangement and it is great to learn from others so thanks!
     
    #16 maybgayguy, Jun 21, 2016
  17. PlaidGlove

    PlaidGlove
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    Oh yeah, totally give us further updates after :-D
     
    #17 PlaidGlove, Jun 21, 2016
  18. BrookeVL

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    Congrats! I'm so excited for you, Barista!
     
    #18 BrookeVL, Jun 21, 2016
  19. baristajedi

    baristajedi
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    Thanks everyone!! I'll definitely keep you all updated :icon_bigg



    OutofZCloset and maybgayguy - I think it's very highly possible I'm going to fall in love. But we're trying to protect our relationship integrity by setting limitations that mitigate getting attached to someone. For example, seeing someone not more than once/week. But honestly, those limitations already exist by virtue of being a parent.

    ---------- Post added 21st Jun 2016 at 05:02 PM ----------

    And OutofZCloset - yes there will be sex :slight_smile: well... I mean it is part of the agreement. I hope sex will be a part of it!
     
    #19 baristajedi, Jun 21, 2016
    Last edited: Jun 21, 2016
  20. Rachyl

    Rachyl Guest

    Enjoy yourself. You sound like your finally coming into your own. Just by being yourself is a beautiful thing(*hug*)
     
    #20 Rachyl, Jun 21, 2016
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