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Will people ever stop assuming their kids are cis?

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by notmyfault, Jun 20, 2016.

  1. notmyfault

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    Do you think cis people will ever stop assuming their kids are cisgender? I mean, even the ones who are sort-of educated about transgender people seem to think something like, "Oh, that's cool, but it could never be my kid."

    (I don't know, it just seems like it would be so much better if kids weren't forced into a gender. If they turned out cis anyway, no harm done. And if they didn't...)
     
  2. derVaminoi

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    I doubt it. It's a pretty natural thing to assume considering the percentages. Most also assume their kid is straight until they find out otherwise.
     
  3. vertical

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    The majority of the population is cis so it makes sense to assume that a kid will also be cis in my opinion. As long as the parent is accepting if that kid does come out as trans, then I don't really see a problem.
     
  4. Creativemind

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    I think It's natural to assume kids are cis and straight. I'm sure my parents assumed I was straight, but were accepting when I was not. So all I ask is to keep an open mind that your child may not be straight/cis, and to not force them in a box if they're not.

    Problem is though that a lot of kids can show non-gender conforming behavior, but grow up to be cis anyway. So assuming a trans identity isn't great either especially if it involves irreversible processes like hormones and transitioning. I'd prefer to let kids come out to me and then I'll adapt pronouns easily to their liking. But I think It's unrealistic to assign everyone agender at birth.
     
  5. RainbowGreen

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    I find it sad when I see children who are barely able to talk/walk being forced into gender stereotypes like that. My cousins have young kids, so I see it a lot on Facebook.

    ''She's a real princess! Look at this crown!''
    ''He's going to be a real strong man when he grows up. Look at his new tool toys!''

    Like, all their daughters are dressed from head to toe in pink. Every. single. one of them. Their toys are also super gendered, especially those of my cousins who have two kids of the same sex. Those who have one of each can at least try their sibling's toys :/ If those kids ever feel different than what their parents project on them, I'm afraid that they'll feel pressured.

    I wouldn't advocate to not gender kids at all, but for fuck's sake, can you not make them a living stereotype while they're 2?

    Also, don't even get me started on all their childhood photos being on Facebook... Like, way to go, parents. Now, their future school bullies will be able to see them at two with spaghetti sauce all over their fucking faces. Nice.
     
    #5 RainbowGreen, Jun 20, 2016
    Last edited: Jun 20, 2016
  6. kibou97

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    I doubt they will. It's natural to make certain assumptions about children when they're really young (like assuming they aren't gay or trans). Ultimately, I think it's best to do what the kid likes within reason. If your child wants to wear a princess costume then thats fine and if they want to wear clothes designed for boys then thats also fine but don't make a child who hates wearing dresses wear dresses or else they'll be miserable.
     
  7. Lazuri

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    Assuming your child is cis is normal as the vast majority of people are; I don't mind it. I just want people to realize it's a thing and that their child knows this so that they can make their own decision on the matter.

    What I don't like is forcing kids into gender roles. My ex and I let our son wear and play with whatever the fuck he wants to play with. I'm not going to force him to play with toy cars because he has a little pecker and I'm not going to stop him from wearing a pretty dress if he wants to. If other people disapprove then, y'know--fuck 'em. In the end, I know who's going to be happiest growing up.
     
  8. I'm_Danni_x

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    :thumbsup:
     
  9. thepandaboss

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    I don't think it's wrong to assume a child to be cis. The problem is when a parent makes that assumption but react horribly when they find out that assumption isn't the case.

    I knew a trans guy who one time related that he asked his mother, in a fit of frustration, whether she'd rather have a happy, healthy son or a dead daughter. His mother actually stared him down and said "I'd like a dead daughter because at least I can visit your grave."

    Yeah. It was awful. Luckily, that young man is still with us today.

    Almost every parent has this idea in their head about who their child will grow up to be. My own mother, thankfully, was never as bad as that other trans guy's mother, but that was a pretty big source of contention in my house after I came out. She wanted me to be her daughter. While she eventually came around, things were rough between us for a good two years.

    I know it's a shock when a parent finds out their kid's trans. But don't shut them off from their friends, from their support. Don't tell them that you wish they were dead so you could visit their grave. Assume whatever you want about your kids but don't lash out when they don't turn out to be who you want them to be.
     
  10. RainbowGreen

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    Holy shit that's fucked up :frowning2:
     
  11. Riz

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    Oh look it's Riz that parent that always dive into discussions like this!
    Anyway looks like my ex already said mostly what I wanted...

    But yeah I don't assume my son or anyone to be anything really. I might be using male pronous and such because... .Honestly he doesn't even get what pronous is yet. If he however will tell me in the future he feels like a girl or anything really, I'll change to the right pronous right away!
    As for orientation I just "assume" everyone I meet as pan or bi until proven otherwise, or aro I dunno. I don't go around digging in people's love lives and I don't understand why anyone else should either.

    How hard is it to just love their kids for the amazing little people they are????

    My son loves cars, the colors pink and yellow, animals (especially owls). His favorite hat is a cap with ears and a face so it looks like a cat. He doesn't care what color of his toys though he does prefer the vibrant ones.... Ok I'll stop I can do this all night.

    Just.. . . I don't get it, babies, kids, people are just individuals?
     
  12. YuriBunny

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    I doubt it. And I don't think it's necessarily a harmful thing to originally assume. It only becomes a problem once a kid starts showing symptoms of GID, if the parents continue to tell themselves that their kid is probably cisgender.

    Parents need to give their children the freedom to express their gender however they choose; that's what I think is the most important. If a male child wants to dress up as a princess and play with Barbie dolls, then parents should allow it. And if that child says, "I'm a girl!" then parents shouldn't tell that child they're wrong, but rather listen to them and try to understand. That's what I think really matters. ^^

    That's horrible! :icon_sad:
     
  13. Exodrake

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    If I had kids I personally would not assume anything about them, because I /hate/ assumptions. Assumptions are the bane of my sanity.

    I think people need to remain neutral until their child's own orientations develop. But the basic majority will be the basic majority :/
     
  14. Austin

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    I don't think so. It's a logical assumption to make.
     
  15. Kodo

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    Probably not, but I'd don't see this as a bad thing because an estimated 99% of people are cis. It is a reasonable thing to think.

    But as others have said, it becomes a problem when gender roles are forced upon a child.
     
    #15 Kodo, Jun 20, 2016
    Last edited: Jun 20, 2016
  16. edy

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    Even tho I am not "cis" myself, I can see why most people assume their children as cis, since more than 90% of the world's population is not transgender. You just have to have patiance
     
  17. Tritri

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    It's extremely hard not to assume your kid is cis when the English language has no gender-neutral pronouns, and to refer to somebody in third person you must acknowledge his/her gender. I'd prefer languages without gender.
     
  18. AmyBee

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    Maybe years from now people will allow kids to discover their gender rather than assigning one. But these days, if parents assign a gender and the kid rejects it in favor of one that's more fitting, I'm more concerned that the parents should adapt rather than try to force the kid to essay a role that makes them unhappy. Being raised with unconditional love and acceptance is very important to future happiness and well-being.
     
  19. Alder

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    Like many have already expressed, I doubt it. I don't have that much of an issue of it, nor do I think it's too realistic at where society is now for parents not to assume their children are cis; what I do have an issue with is when these gender roles, expectations, and norms are hugely pressured onto children from a young age.

    I just wish parents, even in assuming their children are cis and raise them as such (hopefully with more freedom and room for their kids to explore themselves), acknowledge the possibility that their child(ren) might be trans, and let them know that it's a possibility. And to be supportive and accepting if it turns out their assumptions of their child's gender are wrong.
     
  20. midwestgirl89

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    Realistically I don't think society is or will ever be ready to stop assuming kids are cis-gendered. People that are more educated in what it means to be trans, trans allies, or trans people might not assume their kid's gender although I think that even trans allies will probably make assumptions unless their kid comes out to them as trans. And if their kid comes out to them, they would be accepting since they're allies which is what I believe is the most important thing.

    Most people's minds work by fitting people into categories so (in my opinion) what's important is for parents, schools, children, and society to be educated on trans-issues and how to be accepting and inclusive toward kids that are trans so they can grow up in an environment where they feel they can be themselves.