Do you guys sometimes have the same whilst being at questioning stage? You just simply don't know what you want anymore. And no I can't play the game ''envision yourself with..'' anymore, because I can envision myself with anything. A man, a woman, a snake, a computer... I don't have any feelings towards those thoughts anymore, because of the questioning. I fantasized about girls after having had some experience and would be really happy with the thoughts untill the questioning began: ''What does this mean: you are not straight?'' ''What if you are actually straight? what do you think about guys?'' And then my brain just obsessed about the feelings I had when thinking about guys but it just left me empty and I did not understand. I did not know what to think of myself and I did not allow myself to think about girls anymore bc what if I am wrong? Maybe I did not have enough experience with guys (?) but at the same time I shouldn't force myself to do that (bc if you do such stuff with that intention is a no no). After these forcing thoughts, almost intrusive thoughts, I just became very empty, not depressed, but just empty. I am now at this point where my feelings are just nothing and if I have them, I immediately doubt them and bring them down (rationally) to the point where they have zero value. What to do?
What if you are wrong? No really... What if you are wrong? Well if you are wrong, then you will have learned something about yourself. You will have your answer then, or at least be closer to it. Don't be afraid of being wrong. It happens a lot and no one is going to be mad at you if you find out you were in fact wrong. Heck, I was wrong not once, but twice and I am still alive. Better yet, I know exactly who I am now. Just pick the label you most want to identify with and settle on it, you are not allowed to question it for a month just live with it. You seem to feel pretty gay from your orientation on your profile, go with that perhaps. When your brain wants to play the questioning game, just agree with whatever it tries to suggest and it will tire quickly. The questioning game is like a child forever asking "why" to whatever answer you give, the only way to stop it is to stop entertaining them. Example: "But you aren't really a <label> woman, because <reason>!" "OK" "That guy/girl/person was kind of cute, maybe I am bi/pan after all?" "Sure, OK" "One time you had a crush on X, this does not fit with <label>" "You're right" Through all this, just keep identifying as whatever label you picked. You need a break from the questioning process to see things clearly, and this is the only way you can do it if just going by "queer" or some other broad label isn't going to do it for you. Edit: I didn't mean for this post to come off so harsh. I know how tough it is going through the questioning phase, and the infinite "what ifs". I have been exactly where you are, I think this came off so harsh because I wish I could have told myself this is in no uncertain terms when I was questioning. There is nothing wrong with you for being worried if the label is right for you, it is just not going to lead you anywhere.
hahaha No don't be worried you did not sound harsh, you just wanted to give me advice and I appreciate that. Yeah It's kinda like you said: ''So what?'' and it doesn't matter that much if you think about it, but there are going to be judgements, lingering judgements, and at the moment I think I am not strong anymore to take them. I will be strong again, but right now life is just a mess and I want some control. I know I should let it go, I now I should. What I say to people is: ''I know I can like girls, and I don't know about guys, maybe that will come, I'l leave that option open though, but I love women just so you know.'' and they seem to take it ok, apart from some comments here and there. hahah the questioning game is indeed like the child asking why. It is ironic because I am the child, or was the child actually that would always ask ''why?'' and if there was no answer or explanation I would get mad and try so so hard to understand it. I still don't know why I feel like I feel and that is something that is very foreign to me. I was in contact with myself for a lot of time and pretty confident untill this mess started. When a straight friend one time said ''I think if I had homosexual feelings I would probably accept them.'' I had to walk out of the room to go to the 'toilet' because I could not handle it. I see so many people on here struggle dayly with their feelings, including me, and could not comprehend how someone could say something like that if they never felt that way. I don't blame them, I really don't, because they simply don't know what it's like. I made no comment and I let it be but sometimes those things unconsiously hit home hard. But what they said felt like they said: ''I think if i lived during world war 2, I would go join the resistance.'' Like You don't know that. (and you actually have no right of saying that then if you don't know it. but that is my opinion. Of course you can discuss it with a lingering doubt, but not with such confidence). Anyways I think me feeling all this (first post) also stems from the fact that I can't talk about it with anybody, and if I do, I feel ashamed. I probably should talk to someone about it in real life haha. Thank you for commenting I appreciated that, have a nice day :icon_bigg
I like this. There is nothing wrong with not settling on a label just to have one to give to people. This should be enough. I was that child too. :lol: I guess I don't deal well with uncertainty. Straight people say the darndest things. You had every right to get upset at that messed up comment, and unfortunately you will get plenty more of these random statements. When you try to call them out on it they will get angry at you and say they are not homophobic because they have gay friends, and how dare you question them when they so graciously accept you (as long as it is on their terms). Enjoy your guilt trip, the tickets are free and plentiful! I hope you can find someone you can talk to in real life. Either way you have EC where you can vent all you like at least. Thank you! Have a nice day you too!
Well, some people do have no problems when they realise their orientation. I'm one of those. Ok, so I like boys and girls. No problem. I only have problems with people not accepting it. I was more doubting when I was trying to label myself on T spectrum. It's past me. I'm quite happy now. Talking to others helped me. I realised what was stopping me and made me doubt myself so much (family).
