Asking out my former teacher?

I really hate to be all negative about this, but it sounds like there will be too many ifs. But yes, if you're both adults, then it's not a legal issue.

Do you know if she's gay or married/has a SO?

And I'm going to make a huge assumption here. She was your middle school teacher. You were a tween when she was teaching you and she may still view you as a her student.

There's also the maturity difference. Even if you're mature for your age, she's gone through university, different jobs, now has a stable job, gone through relationships etc, which makes her at a different stage in her life than you are.

 

I'd say: go for it. Nothing illegal nor even bizarre in this situation, imo. Plus, if she's a middle-school teacher, I am assuming that a few years have passed since this student-teacher relationship ended between the two of you. You are technically an adult now.

How old is she exactly?

Coffee seems like a great idea. Just to catch up, at first, and maybe show her that you've well grown up since the time she was your teacher? Remember to pick a place who also serves cakes. Cakes are great.

 

I think this is a bad idea. Like HM03 said, legality isn't everything. There are huge differences in maturity, responsibilities, and experience between someone who is 18 and someone who is 30+. It is highly likely that this relationship will be unbalanced (financially and emotionally) and become unhealthy for one or both of you. At 18 you have a lot to learn still and it will be best to find people your own age who you have more common experience with.

 

I used to be in the "oh sure, you're both legal, do whatever" boat but after a pretty problematic, power imbalanced relationship with someone 13 years older, I'm going to actually echo a lot of other people people in this thread.

I'd personally caution against it. You just graduated, it hasn't been that long since she taught you. Maybe two, three years from now it might be a little less odd but still. She was your middle school relationship. You may have fantasized about her but she knew you when you were 12-13. It'd be kind of weird if one of the neighborhood kids or a kid you volunteered with asked you out as soon as they turned 18, wouldn't it? Especially if you saw them grow up. That's how she's going to look at it unfortunately.

But you're not going to be single forever. Just be patient and you'll get lucky soon.

 

I honestly don't think this is a good idea like others stated.

 

Question is. Why is she befriending students anyway? Wanting someone to do well is one thing but friends is another. No wonder you're crushing, it sounds like you've seen hero worshiping as a crush

 

As a young teacher, I'm not sure if it would feel appropriate...

 

I like your idea!
I 'm in general the type of person who is always open to give things a try. Don't think to much about it and about the "if's", or "red flags", just go for it.
Asking for casual coffee sounds nice and like a good opportunity to get to know her better. Just ask her, why not. What's the worst thing that could happen?! She says no...well, but then you can say that at least you have tried. And in case she says yes, see where it goes.

 

I'm still in contact with one of my teachers from 2 years ago because she basically saved my life when I was having trouble in school so we became pretty close. She refused to even give me her number to keep in touch, for completely platonic reasons, even though it's 'legal' for us to be friends and it's been ages. If your teacher has boundaries and respects her profession then she won't do anything with you and rightly so. The age difference is difficult too. Like someone above said it's likely to be really unbalanced financially and emotionally. Meeting up for a catch up and seeing how each other are isn't a bad thing but pursuing anything further than that is a bit on the rocks.

 

The "ifs" and "red flags" are there for a reason. They aren't something that should simply be ignored because thats how you end up in really bad situations. Red flags signal an internal problem and keep us out of harm, which is why ignoring them can be dangerous.

The worst thing that happens isn't if she says no. The worst thing that happens is if she says yes and OP gets really excited and ends up in an imbalanced, emotionally abusive relationship due to financial, power, and maturity reasons.

 

That's what happened when I dated a 34-year-old! At nineteen! Yay poor decisions with controlling people!

 

Yeah, seriously agreeing with the majority here. A close friend started dating someone who was nearing their forties back when she was only about eighteen. And I barely recognize her anymore. She doesn't listen to anyone and insists that she's doing fine, but she looks like she's aged ten years, and is always calling me to cry and complain.

You don't have to listen to us, but please take what everyone is saying here into consideration.

 

While bartending one night, one of my old teachers came into the club which I was really surprised about because he was such a ladies man while I was in school. He spotted me behind the bar and gave out a scream. He then reached out at other end of the bar for me to come and give him a hug. We chatted just long enough to find out that he considers himself to be bisexual. Since the club was pretty busy, he invited me to meet him at one of the 24 hour diners in the neighborhood which a lot of gay people frequent after partying all night. Once we got into a conversation, he did make a pass at me which I politely declined. For me, it did not feel right and the thought that this guy taught every one of my siblings did not make matters even better to say the least. Since he was so persistent, I even lied about seeing someone and he accepted for that evening but came back the next night in hopes to get lucky. I told one of my bartender buddies about him and pretended to be my special friend for the night which worked and he backed off. I have to agree with the others when saying that this is not a good idea.

 

That was me a year ago, I only wanted older guys. Having been with so many, I realized it wouldn't work for me in the long run. I've been with a guy for almost a year now and he's a year older than me.

There was nearly nothing that I could relate to with guys much older than me. We had different goals and different problems because of the time we are at in our lives.