How to forgive\Forget\Move on from bullying :)

I answered a similar question in this thread http://emptyclosets.com/forum/anony...-how-can-complicate-identity.html#post3069015
Take a look at the comments in the thread to see if it helps.

 

Don't forgive. Don't forget. Resolve to love yourself and the rest will fall into place.

 

I like PlaidGlove's answer the best. The reason I like it is that I have devoted more than a small amount of energy toward fighting injustice and discrimination, for the last four decades. The way I "don't forget" is sometimes being the only person in the room to stick up for someone. The way I don't forgive is to help people who have been abused by the legal system fight back by teaching them how to represent themselves in court (if I was in jail, I would be a "jailhouse lawyer").

Since being bullied often causes a lifelong effect on self-esteem, let alone acceptance of ourselves in general, we're always fighting to understand the acceptance that others seemed to take for granted. And people who have been oppressed can bully just as effectively, as those who have not.

So yes, get mad as hell, direct it in the correct direction, and don't stop sticking up for yourself, even if everyone hates you for it. What's the alternative?

 

Maybe what you need is to vent. It seems like you want for someone to hear you and understand what you went through, so maybe writing it down and hearing other peoples opinion would help you to put some closure and finally see that it is in the past. So, if you want, why don't you make some blogs about it on here or even just reply to this tread.

So how did it start?

 

From a personal perspective, I've learned that although you will not forget those horrible memories...but in order to move forward with your life, you will have to forgive. I've also learned that forgiving is not for the individuals who afflicted pain/hurt upon you, its for you to be able to start a new journey and open new doors within your life. Holding on to the hurt and pain of those events will cause you to become quite bitter and because of your bitterness, you can easily let great opportunities pass you by which can also hinder your growth and progress in life. This is what I had to learn after being raped and beaten by a close friend and therefore, I speak from experience. Good luck!!!

 

I was bullied at school, it caused me a lot of hurt, it changed me a lot and while I was eventually able to let go of a lot of that pain, the experience has remained with me ever since. There was at times homophobic bullying (but I don't think that was targeted at me for being gay, that's just how these bullies behaved towards everyone) but I happened to be quiet and seem like an easy target. It always stayed with me causing me to be quite distrustful and I do withdraw still in times of stress. One bully I never forgave but I didn't have to as he left town, another two seemed to make an effort years later to be kind to me, so I didn't forget (intentionally - though I have unintentionally blocked a lot of bad memories), I didn't forgive as such but I moved on.

But I do appreciate how infuriating it is when someone who has caused so much hurt just grins. Ultimately that person's behaviour says nothing about you, that's all about them. They felt they had to target and pick on someone else to make themselves feel good, to give themselves or their friends a laugh. And that sort of person is not worth your time, your thoughts, your pain or your anger. Focus on the good things about you, that you would never behave like that, that you value yourself and others too much to behave in such a disgraceful way. You are better than that horrible person and you should be proud that you stood up for yourself and told on this person. I'm sorry that it didn't in this instance make things any better for you, but I think you showed a lot of courage and that is a great quality to have, and one that this person does not have by being so horrible.

You can't control what other people do, that's up to them. But focus on what you can control which is your own beliefs and values, and being a good person and being happy with yourself is a way of not letting this person win. Distance yourself if you like, if you can, to protect yourself from further harm, but anything vile this person says has nothing to do with you, its all about them. Speaking about it will help... I held onto a lot of my issues with bullying for a long time, and it wasn't until I spoke to a counselor many years later that I finally addressed those issues I had, and it felt like I had finally dealt with it and was able to move on.