OK, Here it goes.....your thoughts

I want you to be courageous with yourself today. You wrote a situation that sounds like a bit of a cartoon, with the devil on one shoulder and your ego on the other, one arguing in each ear.

You could delete your account, but then the other shoulder would object. But you are in the middle. You can be in control.

Thoughts can be uncomfortable. They can be inconvenient. This is inside your head. You aren't on television. You have the right to make a fearless examination of your own thoughts, and decide what you're going to do with them.

It felt good, thinking what you thought and masturbating. You aren't going to be punished for it. If you can look at the feelings that you really had, honestly, it can help to answer your questions.

You are not alone. Just today, a study was reported on that appears to show that about 10% of men in the United States have had same sex sex in the study period. This is not a rare disease. About half of people surveyed opined that they thought there was nothing "wrong" about same sex sex.

This may not ultimately be your own opinion, but you have the right to form that opinion on your own. Please give yourself a break, and let yourself think about this. It's admirable that you have chosen to open up to this and resist running from your own thoughts. Keep that courage, and give it some time. You will come to the best decision for yourself, if you can do that.

 

we are totally in the same boat. I ma married and have no idea what to do.

 

I was comingout2016, until I freaked out and requested my account deleted.
Sorry moderators!
I wanted to thank everyone who replied on this thread. I have never felt the rush of emotions that I have felt in the past few days. I got scared and ran away.
I didn't think I was scared. I thought I was giving into some addiction or vice.

then i reflected on what some people had said and thought about one post that made realize this wasn't just about sex.
When I look in the mirror, straight in the eye and say "I am gay" I can't describe the wave of emotions I feel. I realize this isn't a vice/lust thing , it's acknowledging me. Not my sexuality - that's a manifestation of me- it's acknowledging and accepting who I am.

Right now I LOVE being gay. I know if I masturbate I will feel like crap and go back into denial. The cool thing is I am no longer trying to fight being gay, I am trying to fight the denial.

 

Hey, thanks! it's been a scary couple of days. But now I start to see 'goals' sometimes they are just simply sexual- pleasing another guy, making love and feeling closer after. Why should I feel shame about that?

 

I'm happy that you thought through this, and discovered this point. It may have something to do with sex (well, of course), but solving this more pressing issue is key to the rest of the puzzle, I think.

Good for you, for sticking with this. You know yourself best. It's great to see you take control of this like you have started to do.

 

It's tough coming to terms with who/what you are, when you don't even know what you are yourself. It makes you have too many questions at once. Especially if it is not specifically gay. Yes, you know that you are gay because there is the gay part of it there of course, but there are all the other things that aren't gay, they are just different.

It's a load to take on all at one time on your mind. It drives me nuts when I start thinking about it. The more I develop this gayer side of me, the more sexual energy I get from it. I get aroused easily now. I mean very easily. I am going at it up to 4 times a day. This is coming from someone who couldn't get it up for his wife if his life depended on it.

I have never personally felt happier. I love this feeling. I can't wait to wrap myself up in it and be a happy new me. I wish I could do it on the grandest scale. When I come out, I want it to be huge. I want everyone to absofuckinlutely know 1000% I am gay gay gay.

I have always been a quiet person waiting for the right moment to chime in and make myself heard. I have been quiet long enough. ...this is what I keep telling myself. Oh how I wish I could play out how I paint my picture.

Sorry if I am rambling on. I am just a little emotional right now.

 

So here is a quote from me nearly three months ago and tonight its just as true as it was when I wrote it. The only difference is I have abstained from sex, masturbation and porn for over three months and I still feel the rush of emotions..

What I have realized difficult thing is not accepting the sexual urges, after all that can explained away by a fetish or fantasy, right? The difficult thing is accepting I want to intimate with a man.... that it's not just about getting off.. its that I am fully gay in orientation I don't know how that 's going to work for me in the real world... and ...

there is one part of this quote that is not true not:

.

Its really weird.. I know if let myself accept it I will feel this way - I will love being gay but .. still.. even after all this.. still not ready.