So hi everyone! Ima bit new here, so I'm a straight but very curious guy and I really have only done stuff with guys. (That's because I've been socially labeled as gay, so I sort of just went with it because I'm almost done with high school so fuck it) but that's not what this is about. So my friend is gay and definitely a top. We did stuff in the past like masturbation and oral, but I mainly did stuff to him. Just recently we became a little more active and doing more and it's great except im a little torn... He doesn't really give much, I've done most of the work and I kinda hate that. He's cum in my mouth more times than not and I haven't even cum in his mouth at all, just from jacking off if I even cum. He's a top and I'm a vers, but I want to be able to have more power. I kinda hate being the bottom because it makes me feel weak and like I'm giving him all of the power in this situation, kinda like being his bitch...and I hate that. At home, school, and sometimes in my friends, I really don't have much power over much. I'm the youngest of 5 kids, I don't have a job, I'm nice to everyone, but they use me a lot, and I feel trapped a lot of the time. I love masturbating and doing shit with others, but I've had some bad experiences where people would use me just for sex or make me blow them and I get nothing back. So I want to completely change that. I want a lot of the power and my friend can still have some, just I don't want to seem pathetic, weak, feminine, I want to be a powerhouse I guess. I'm really just worried about my image here and if there's a way I can get my friend to do more like let me cum in his mouth or let me boss him around (Last paragraph I swear) The most recent thing we did was, go skinny dipping in my pool and we got hard and began jerking each other off. Then he wanted me to blow him. I did and when I asked to switch, he said "im almost finished, then we'll switch." I didn't want it to be over already and didnt trust he would. Plus I wanted to try more than oral this time. So I swam away telling him he'd have to wait till later to cum. And I stuck with it no matter how much he begged. That was the most power I ever held in this kind of situation. Then I dried off, put my underwear on and went inside. We dried by the fire, talked and hung out with our other friends who were there. Then we cleaned a bit, people were Going to sleep, so we went upstairs to my room and played with my penis pump and then we began playing "what are the odds" and went back and forth with shit we wanted to do and did so accordingly. I had my vibrator/dildo there as well and he wanted to try some of that. It was too big for him at first, then we did fingers, we rimmed, we sucked dick, we made out. Then he what are the odds that he makes me cum right now. I lost and had to cum. I did and he did one where he cum in my mouth, I lost again and began to blow him. Then he said to finger him...and I complied again, then he asked to do this jerking off/blowjob combination, while fingering him...again, without resistance I did. Everything was going well, but I feel i serve him more than he does shit for me and I don't feel that should be like that. Any advice on how I can get more power and more of what I want, all while still maintaining what we have?
It seems like you give him power. Just stick to your guns. Learn the power of saying NO. You had a taste of power. Use that experience to help you do that again. If you feel he's getting to much and you aren't being treated fairly, don't give any more until he reciptrocates. On another note, he seems like he's using you mostly. And you need to stand up for yourself. Avoid abusive situations. This seems as though it could be out could turn abusive. Emotional abuse where he keeps you down and overly submissive when you don't want that is still abuse. I hope others also pay for you soon SSH you have another opinion on your described situation.
I would be hesitant to be in a relationship like that. If someone cares about you they should want to give you pleasure as well. He seems like he's just using you for his own benefit. That's not a good recipe for a long term relationship.
really seems like there is a dominant submissive relationship going on. And while you consciously say you do not like it, subconsciously you might be letting it happen. As you expressed, you seem to try to please others in other aspects of you life as well. As others have suggested, you actually do have more power than you think. You have control if you want to use it. But in reality, maybe you do not necessarily want to use it. And if you do not, that is actually quite OK, nothing you should be ashamed of. Some people are better suited to be submissive, some are better suited to be dominant. Now, if he is being dominant and you are objecting to him and clearly saying no, and he still pushes himself on you, then that is an entirely different situation and is unacceptable. At the point you are doing something you do not want to do, and he is coercing you, that crosses a massive line. Based on what you have written that does not seem to be the case, but you should be mindful not to let that happen. ---------- Post added 31st May 2016 at 08:46 AM ---------- I also just want to add, being a pleaser can be quite erotic in of itself. It is not something you should be ashamed of whatsoever. You can be both a pleaser and maintain control as already mentioned. The reality is, your sex partner, whom might be more dominant in bed, is probably doing so because he actually does not feel he has control in his life; whereby they pleaser might be comfortable pleasing because he has control of his life already. You may want to try swimming with the preverbal current rather than trying to swim up stream. See how it actually goes for you and worry less about what roles are actually taken.
