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I am so close to coming out .

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by IamI, May 29, 2016.

  1. IamI

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    I have made it past the nervous time in my story. Now as I am right at the cusp of coming out, I am freaking out inside. Not in a bad way. I'm freaking out because I am so excited for this to happen.

    The only thing is, I have no idea what to tell everyone I am. So here is the problem. There is no way to explain to someone what I am without being so long winded with it that you have freaked them the fuck out, and going into detail so much that you have given out way too much information.

    So I have been doing things to break everyone in gently. I have been shaving my body for a long time now. But just making it more noticeable, every now and then, that I also sometimes shave my legs too. But not all the time.

    I have bought long thigh high socks and said they were for these brutal NYC winters and that I wear them in layers like that (it really does help, fyi). I have bought really nice mens shirts way oversized and said that I ordered it wrong and laugh. But I would take the shirt and something to tie it off at the waist for a dress, to go with the rest of my ensemble.

    Since my divorce (we are still living together bffs), she just kind of thinks I might be bi-curious. I am everything-curious. I am whatever I am in the moment. There's no other way for me to explain it without TMI.

    So, my coming out is in super slow motion. I think most people think I am, but I am not doing any of the things that would make them go "ok, yeah, he's gay alright". So everyone is probably questioning and talking a bit since the divorce. I can feel it.

    I am at the point where if someone asks me, I am not going to lie to them. But, I am not going to say anything to anyone about it until they bring it up to me. I really see it as nobody's business what my sexuality is. I am the person they see if front of them.

    I act differently around different people, in different situations. We all do. I just want to be able to act like me when none of those people are around; are around. Unfortunately, it's going to be a slow process for me. Oh how I wish I could just dress up in one of my outfits and show the world... I am stuck at nowhere.
     
  2. IamI

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    I have nobody to talk to. I am all alone on Memorial Day weekend and I am all alone inside. I am dying to come out, to talk to someone. To just say to someone face to face I AM GAY. I want to live. I want to live my life the way I feel. I need to have that first encounter to be able to say I am gay and get it over with.:bang:
     
  3. gryf

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    Iami

    I hear you. I'll try and chat a bit. I'm happy to hear you and your ex are still friends! It's a great thing.

    You could post a pic on your gallery. Hide your face if you want to be completely anonymous. Then let this thread know and others will see you how you want to be seen. :slight_smile: Others that will be supportive.

    I totally feel you here. I'm audio at the point where I really, really, want that first encounter, but I'm also hesitant. I'm afraid of being hurt, dismissed, devalued by a hookup, etc.
     
  4. IamI

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    Thank you gryf. I might try to put a somewhat revealing picture of part of my face, but not really ready to put it all out there yet. I am not thinking about anyone else right now when it comes to this. I don't care about potential dates etc.. I'm just ready to be out but I have to do it so precise. believe me, I really do want to show the world who I am. I want to very badly. I look great when I fem it up for myself. I don't drag out. I like feeling pretty. I just have to get that first person to tell or confront me. This tension is killing me. The sexual tension is killing me. The closer I get to being outed, the more my sex drive grows. Its so funny... I'm not even wanting sex with anyone though. I just want to be with myself and look at myself in a new light and finally love who I am and just go nuts figuring out what I look sexy in lol.
     
  5. Funny you say that because before I started posting here yesterday, I was pretty sure I didn't want to tell anyone, but as soon as I admitted it to myself, I all the sudden have the urge to tell people.

    Not everyone, I am still not ready for family, but I want to tell a couple of close friends.
     
  6. IamI

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    I came so close to blurting it out to a co-worker today. I bit my tongue. I knew it would spread like wildfire. But that urge to just say it is like that point where you are about to crest and go down the tallest rollercoaster ever. You already have that adrenaline rush, now you just gotta make it over that last little bit to go over the hump. I am ready to ride with my eyes wide open and holding onto nothing. Just gotta get over the hump. But to whom... I really don't know many people at all. It's a silly recluse thing I got going on. Hopefully after I am out, I can finally go out.
     
  7. gryf

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    Sorry. I misread a bit earlier.

    Yeah, once you tell one person, out becomes possible to say it again and again.
    Easier each time.

    You've already taken the big step to admit to yourself and you put it here. You could use that as some inspiration.

    Maybe tell your ex? Seems she will be understanding.
     
  8. IamI

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    I think I am going to tell her once this house is sold. I just want to keep everything like it is with her right now. I do love her more than ever. But I don't want it to get awkward. She is very understanding but to what degree I'm not sure of yet.
     
  9. Nicaklaus

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    I totally get what you're feeling. It's EXTREMELY frustrating when you desperately need to tell someone this big secret you've been keeping, but at the same time you're nervous to do so.

    I suggest coming out to one of your closest friends. In my opinion, it is easier to come out to friends than family, and even easier to come out to close ones. Make sure you make a commitment- such as, I'm going to tell Emily TODAY, during our break- or else you will probably chicken out of it.

    As for telling people what you are... I know that you are not only confined to those labels, but to make things easier, you might just want to tell people you are gender queer and bisexual, just for the sake of simplicity. If they seem to get this, you can go further, but having those labels handy makes everything quicker and easier.

    I came out to the people in my life earlier this year, so I completely understand where you're coming from. Best of luck to you. I know it's hard and even scary, but believe me, finally telling someone feels so good once you've gotten it over with. (*hug*)
     
  10. IamI

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    I have a best friend and wife that only know that I am "questioning" right now. They have no idea what's really going on. I am so afraid to lay this much on them at once. I'm not just gay, I am anything and everything, whenever and wherever, and however it may come to be. I am this at all times. I like feminine clothes, I love wearing a little make-up. I don't want to dress like a woman though, I just like the things that look good on me. I love seeing nice bodies; male and female and trans as well. I actually love trans. I don't want to be trans, but I know that I am as feminine as I am masculine.

    See? How do you explain all that, and more to it than that, to someone without them freaking the hell out?

    I mean besides the fact that I really don't have many friends. Not close ones anyways. I have acquaintances more than anything. Not wallowing in it here, just stating fact. I have no family either. So... This is kinda like a reverse "Sixteen Candles" scenario.
     
  11. Nicaklaus

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    Like I said, you might just want to tell people you are genderfluid and pansexual (those are the best labels I can come up with for what are you are feeling). I TOTALLY understand that you are not limited to those labels at all but I think it will be easier for you, and for other people to understand if you tell them the labels instead of this messy, but beautiful, melting pot of feelings.
     
  12. IamI

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    You made me smile. Thank you. And you're right. That sounds like the best way. If they say what does that mean. I guess I'll just have to simply respond; Google it.:eusa_doh:
     
  13. findingjoy

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    I feel that way too. I love seeing any nice body in tights/stretchy clothing.
    i always wonder though, what does 'dressing like a woman' mean- now knee high boots are almost exclusively for women unless you have a serious utilitarian reason to wear them - riding boots, and clingy pants were for males a century ago - now they are exclusively for women.
     
  14. IamI

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    I don't wear many womens clothes, but I can put together an ensemble of my own clothes that a woman would look sexy as hell in. I do have some over the knee socks and some of the old clothes my ex was going to donate, but I went through them before I donated them lol.

    I love looking at womens bodies. I wish I had a more feminine body. I am pretty dainty, but man.. I see their curves and I want them. I always thought I was hot for the girl. I was hot for their body and their style. I wanted both as my own.

    I personally will always see a woman much sexier than a man. They have so many more options than guys do (which is not fair at all). by dotted line comparison:

    Womens aisle ............................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................

    Mens aisle: ..........

    Oh how I wish there were more clothes for men to look sexy in. I want to wear leggings, I want to wear crop tops, I want to wear skimpy outfits. We get jeans and a button down shirt... That's what men get..
     
  15. Dingdang

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    Just say it. The longer you wait, the more likely you'll have to deal with the non-acceptance later. Make sure you wait until you're reasonably ready, too.
     
  16. IamI

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    I know I'm just going to randomly blurt it out at a weird time one of these days.

    I'm kinda waiting on it to happen now. I feel it building up. I'm ready. I'm ready for the moment to come. I have no idea how or when it will, but I know I won't back down from it.

    I am gay. (to make it as simplistic as possible). I am gay. I love being gay. But, I am waiting for whoever to set it off. I feel it coming. I know people have to be talking. I mean, I am not hiding anything at all. I am not saying anything, but at the same time I am not hiding it.
     
  17. findingjoy

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    I know what you mean. I look at women all the time. men don't dress sexy. I LOVE seeing a nice ass on a woman. but one night i was at the ballet the men were dressed just as sexy as the women - maybe more so - if you have been to the ballet you know what i mean... the 'playing field is leveled' ...the women looked great.. I averted my eyes from the looking at the guys 'that way' but when I did... well let's just say I should have listened to myself instead of trying to surpress it. :slight_smile:

    I love the female form but now I realize its more like a gay fashion designer :slight_smile:
     
  18. IamI

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    I feel you on this. If men dressed as sexy as women. I would focus a little more attention that way, but too bad society sees us all dressed one way for women and another way for men.

    I just want to dress sexy and accentuate my body like a woman does. I want to feel good about how I look. I just wish there was more room in the world for us.
     
  19. Nicaklaus

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    You're very welcome. Best of luck to you on this roller coaster of a journey. Glad I could help in any way. :thumbsup: