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Hi Everyone

Discussion in 'The Welcome Lounge' started by bunger, May 27, 2016.

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  1. bunger

    bunger
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    I'm Ben. 35 yo, from Detroit. Bisexual, and happily married to a wonderful woman.

    I'm here because my wife knows who I 'am', but things are soooo complicated. I need a place to be myself and express who I am, but also to get advice from people who have also been where I am - recognizing that sexuality isn't on or off, but fluid, and trying to figure out just who I am. I need a community to belong to who will understand the nuances of our lives, and help me navigate these sometimes treacherous waters. I'm hoping this is it.

    Thanks to all of you for being here!
     
    #1 bunger, May 27, 2016
  2. HM03

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    Heya :slight_smile:
     
    #2 HM03, May 27, 2016
  3. bunger

    bunger
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    Oh, hey. Canada! Our cleaner neighbor to the north! Thanks for noticing me :slight_smile:
     
    #3 bunger, May 27, 2016
  4. YuriBunny

    YuriBunny
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    Hello~! ^.^
     
    #4 YuriBunny, May 27, 2016
  5. bunger

    bunger
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    So what do I do now? Help!
     
    #5 bunger, May 27, 2016
  6. Careboobear

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    Hey welcome to EC. What you can do now is share your story and comment on others.
     
    #6 Careboobear, May 27, 2016
  7. bunger

    bunger
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    Ok. So I was ... normal.. except not. I married a great girl at 26 as I was stepping into graduate school. I got a PhD in biology at 29, married, then we spent 2 or 3 years moving from place-to-place.. It felt. Wrong. I met a long-ago friend, who convinced me to be real. I .. divorced, then spent a year alone. I'm bisexual. I know that. I met a girl, who was as much in the center as me. We clicked, then lived together, and married. I love her, but she's not as centrist as I am. I wouldn't divorce her for anything, because we're co-geeks. But I need men. I need that feeling in my life and I can't ignore it. What do I do? She knows I'm 'bi' but.. what happens when I have to exercise it? I don't know. I don't want to lose someone I care desperately about because my body won't comply. I don't know what to do..
     
    #7 bunger, May 27, 2016
  8. Careboobear

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    You need to be honest with her. Who knows how she may feel but at least you got it off your chest.
     
    #8 Careboobear, May 27, 2016
  9. bunger

    bunger
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    I was honest. I just don't think she understood. I would never choose another woman, but I need.. I need a good, strong man in my life. How do I say that?
     
    #9 bunger, May 27, 2016
  10. Careboobear

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    If you truly loved her, you wouldn't need somebody else. She would be all that you need and desire. Don't live your life wanting somebody else when you have someone already because it's not fair to her. Do you feel as though you rushed into a marriage?
     
    #10 Careboobear, May 27, 2016
  11. bunger

    bunger
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    That's not fair. I do love her, very much. But I'm not... all about women. I also don't think you get to pigeonhole me because of some societal perogative.
     
    #11 bunger, May 27, 2016
  12. Careboobear

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    My apologies if I offended you. That was not my intention whatsoever. To be honest I have no idea what to tell you because I've never been married but if you need something more from life, go get it.
     
    #12 Careboobear, May 27, 2016
  13. bunger

    bunger
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    You didn't offend me. I'd like to be able to chat one-on-one, because the challenge helps me articulate. I need advocates, or critical friends. Not people who will just support what I say.
     
    #13 bunger, May 27, 2016
  14. Careboobear

    Careboobear
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    I tried sending you a private message but it didn't work. Just continue to communicate with your wife. That's all I got for you.
     
    #14 Careboobear, May 27, 2016
  15. bunger

    bunger
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    Yet, I feel like you're still underestimating me. I'd give you my personal cell phone number if I thought you weren't just placating the whole premise. I've not misrepresented any of this, but I continue to end up in situations where the assumption is that I've made a mistake. That's unreasonable.
     
    #15 bunger, May 27, 2016
  16. Careboobear

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    Look I'm just a young adult who doesn't deal with these problems. This is your problem that you need to figure out. That's your marriage, not mine. So I can't make the decision for you. I have no experience in that department, only of what I've seen from my parents.
    I have no idea what goes on in your marriage and I have no idea how your wife feels. All I know is how you feel. I'm done with this conversation because I have my own relationship to figure out.
     
    #16 Careboobear, May 27, 2016
  17. bunger

    bunger
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    No, see. what I'm saying is that we can talk and have the same problems. I'm not trying to start a fight.
     
    #17 bunger, May 27, 2016
  18. Careboobear

    Careboobear
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    Dude I'm exhausted and tired. I can't deal with this right now. The only person I want to talk about my problems is God. We cool though. Take care and good luck with everything.
     
    #18 Careboobear, May 27, 2016
  19. bunger

    bunger
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    I don't get this. I thought the point was to be supportive?
     
    #19 bunger, May 27, 2016
  20. Careboobear

    Careboobear
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    The point is to be supportive. But I can't support you if I don't even have myself together.
    I don't want to give you false advice.
     
    #20 Careboobear, May 27, 2016
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