I don't want to be gay

Very true. Nicely put 'Pres Sophie'!

Daughtry-to reiterate and elaborate some more on what 'Pres Sophie' stated I made a reply to a thread earlier that though it was for an entirely different reason... Well, lets just say it fits here as well. And it just might be helpful to you in some ways to think about. I was very direct in my thought process and how I said it... So, I apologize in advance if it comes off as... hmm~jaded. Maybe that isn't the word... I don't know. I'm unsure, depending on how you view things it could be considered cold of me. I am, by no means, judgmental or prejudiced. But, rather I am more critical in some ways. You're aware about my upbringing and partially some of my background. So, you might be able to understand where I am coming from. With the being critical.

I am just going to copy and paste what I said here:

There are 2... I again, say 2. Two religions in our multitude of religions that specifically mention anything concerning homosexuality or a form of it especially in a negative way. The bible (various forms of Christianity, I do not consider them separate religions due to the fact that it is the same book, same man, etc. etc. etc. Even Hebrew/Jewish they just don't think the 'messiah' has been born yet) and the Quran which is what Islamic/Muslim follow. Let alone in a negative way. The bible only has six, six verses that remotely have anything to do with it... Yet have done so much harm and cruelty over the years because of a measly 6 verses.

Some cultures it was thought homosexuality was god like, because it was so different and rare for them. Take this for example... Back in the earlier history of the bible, back during old testament days. The words like marriage or couple did not in fact exist. Companion and other forms of communication was a way to say that you were or differentiate between whom your friends were and whom your partner was. There are numerous mentions in the bible of men having male companions. Do we know? No~but it's only because we did not live then. And most Christians over look that because of those 6 scriptures. They don't want to think any different. Being a Lesbian is not mentioned.

As a whole the bible is misconstrued. It's supposed to be a guideline on how to live. Not to be directly taken literal. Bible definition, book of books. That is exactly what it is. Too many variables, too many interpretations (as a whole it's just interpretation period), some pick and choose, too many scriptures removed or hidden, too many versions, etc. For instance, the King James version... Well, King James was homosexual. He did not write the bible. But, it has been stated that he rewrote certain scriptures to better fit how he wanted to follow it. We don't know for sure which ones they were either. There is a documentary about it somewhere.

That is why there are new versions coming out and the such. Alot of churches follow the King James version, but just the thought of him being gay and changing the bible (which in alot of ways is just theory) have switched versions, so scared it will corrupt and turn them gay. So... After my long rant... I brought that up, because every religion is full of plot holes. There is not a definitive correct or incorrect. It's all alot of theories and variables.

 

Thanks, man! I think an emotional scar I have is from my Dad. Last summer after the gay marriage supreme court ruling, I told my Dad I thought homosexuality was a mental disorder. And my Dad said, "Yeah, when you see gay guys getting marriage licenses on the news, they have a weird look in their eyes." And he said if someone's gay then "something went wrong." And he said he thought it was a sin. And my Mom said "have people cracked open the Bible? It's a man and a woman." It makes me want to cry when I think about that. I don't know how to forgive them.

 

Forgiveness can be a powerful yet hard thing to achieve. Even forgiveness in yourself. The weird look~maybe it's happiness! Maybe your father has never experienced pure bliss and happiness. There is nothing that went wrong... It's not something that can be 'fixed' or 'cured'. I know that had to be hurtful and I am sure that not forgiving them is also hurtful. So, it would seem this is something that has bothered you for awhile and in direct result, is hindering not only your relationship with them but also hindering your own personal relationship with yourself and your sexuality. Add to the fact your 'coming out' can be dependent on this one defining moment in your life!

Lets take a definition on forgiveness:

Forgiveness is the intentional and voluntary process by which a victim undergoes a change in feelings and attitude regarding an offense, lets go of negative emotions such as vengefulness, with an increased ability to wish the offender well.

Now a look into what forgiveness means:

Experts who study or teach forgiveness make clear that when you forgive, you do not gloss over or deny the seriousness of an offense against you. Forgiveness does not mean forgetting, nor does it mean condoning or excusing offenses.

Now lets add to that a couple bible verses:

Mathew 6:14-
For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.
Mathew 6:15-
But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.

Add to that a couple verses on judgment:

Mathew 7:01
“Do not judge, or you too will be judged.
Mathew 7:02
For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.

Find forgiveness in yourself and find a way to even forgive them. It will help you tremendously! Remember, there is only one judge... They should remember as well! :icon_wink

 

As I read through this I'm starting to get the feeling that you're slowly beginning to accept yourself, which makes me happy.

I know it's difficult with such a conservative family in your midst, hence why I haven't come to realize I'm gay until age 26 after already getting myself tangled up in a straight marriage. I followed the path that was expected of me, and now has created a whole mess. So again I applaud you for having the courage that I didn't have to tell your family. If you aren't proud of anything, be proud of that. I can personally say it's a braver act than you may know, one that I haven't been able to bring myself to do. I've felt all the feelings you've described throughout this thread, so know that you're not the only one who has. You're not alone in all of this, I've only been here on EC a short while, but it's a good group of people that know what you're feeling and want to help. My suggestion is to let them.

I truly wish you all the best, and keep us updated!

Good luck,
Kyboan

 

I tried being bi my whole life because I didn't want to be gay too (my mom shamed me for it when she found out I was exploring that possibility when I was 13 and that paired with a bunch of other abuse bullshit, I just tried to hide the gayness) and it didn't work out. Now I'm 34, with a kid, getting a divorce, because I'm not bi. I'm gay. My kid's dad deserves to be with someone that can love him romantically. My kid deserves to see that being gay isn't shameful or something to be hidden.
I am sure you can find other gay people that share your religion if you look, possibly might only be an online community but there just might be something local like a support group, if you look.
Also, please look into therapy. It sounds like you've experienced some trauma in your life--I had a LOT of success with EMDR therapy to process my trauma and accept who I was. Google EMDR to see more about it, it's craaaaazy effective.
Good luck!

 

Are you out to your family? If so, how has that been? Have they made any effort to reconcile with you given the terrible things they said and done in the past?

 

What others have posted and very good but I want to add my own sense. First off I too was raised in a catholic environment and when I came out my whole immediate family accepted me. It seems you are going through the stage of self acceptance and it could be the environment that you are in, I could be wrong but if your family treats you differently and make comments that are very narrow minded it could cause issues with your self acceptance, I went through that with friends at high school. Wasn't until collage that I was able to accept myself and be happy.

Also there really is nothing different that you can experience in a gay relationship that you would in a straight. I know you want to me very traditional but traditions change over time. What we consider traditions now might not be in 100 years from not. In a gay relationship you can still experience love, companion, happiness, and even have kids if you want to. There is no difference. You need to take time and accept yourself for who you are these are things that we can change. I would also consider seeing a councilor if it really gets bad. Wish you luck.

 

I am still 17 so I am at home and my parents are also bery religious. I have a hard time letting go of the traditional family and it really makes me sad that it isn't possible to have that in a same sex relationship. I too was anti-gay when I was younger and now I don't know what to do. I am out to friends though and I have found there are so many supportive people out there when I believed the majority would be like my parents. You aren't alone. I feel this way too. I think it will get better. At least I hope so. Good luck with everything.

 

Hey daughtry since you come from a Catholic tradition with homophobic family history like myself you may want to check this out. A close gay friend who used to be in the seminary let me know about it. I haven't really checked it out yet but looks interesting.
http://www.dignityusa.org/

 

So I've just read your post here and skimmed a few of the other threads. Man gotta say, hugs. I came out in February and reading this really takes me back. I also come from a very religious family (Pentecostal lol). I haven't read all the replies so sorry if this is a repeat. First take your time, there is no rush out time to meet. For myself, I had to decide whose voice I was heading when it came to everything about me being gay. I realized the shame, hate, judgemen, even the feeling that sex was kinda gross was never my own voice. It was the voices of my moand dad, my siblings, my church, bullies from school, society, and even some people from my past who who abused me sexually. Once I resized that I start (slowly) blocking them out and listening to own. It's still a struggle but I'm becoming more open with my sexuality and happier than I've ever been I hope this helps... looking forward to following your journey