FTM Confusion

You've got dysphoria and you feel like a guy. You sound plenty trans to me. I'd say you definitely have a lot in common with me, and I'm trans. I like presenting androgynously, but sometimes like dresses, and don't have tons of dysphoria on most days, but I'm more comfortable being a guy physically and socially, so I'm trans.

 

Wooow, cool parents... I wish mine were less nervous...

I know exactly about which feeling you're talking about. When I was younger, I would wake up in the morning convinced I'm a man, and then realise I'm not, or something in my head would just flip suddenly and I would see myself as a guy. That's just examples, it's one of those things that come from the back of the head and keep on whispering into your ear. Gut feeling.

 

I know exactly what you mean. I'm going through much the same thing right now. I have never been one for girl's clothes and I feel more comfortable wearing a guy's outfit and being referred to as he/him but I'm still so unsure. I definitely wish my chest was flat and I feel a lot of dysphoria with that.
What I'm trying to say is that I understand what you're going through and I feel that if you feel more comfortable as a man then you might be trans. It's great that you have understanding parents. My mother is trying and that's all I can ask from her.

 

I admire you and I love the fact you have such great, loving, and understandable parents. I may not be trans, but I have a few friends that are. One in particular that fits some of what you are describing. His parents were also understandable, as well as his younger brother. His mother still refers to him as 'She' and 'Sam' a shortened version to 'Samantha' as opposed to 'Zach' which is how I know him. Though, their isn't hate nor bigotry with the mother she just isn't ready yet. Still loves none the less.

It took him years to come out to me thinking that because 'Samantha' and I had dated when I was trying to find myself and the closeness we shared after I came out that I wouldn't accept him for being 'Zach' and the same person. It was the direct opposite. The same crush that caused me to date him as 'Samantha' roared back in and was rekindled. If I were to be brutally honest with myself I would have to admit I still have the same crush more than 10 years later, just intensified even now though I've drifted and haven't spoken to him in almost a year. If that would make sense.

So, congrats to you to figuring it out so early. With a few exceptions, seeing as you are looking for advice. I'm not sure what I can really say now other to go into more detail about 'Zach', so for now I guess that's all I have to say. If anything, you've now given me yet another reason to talk to 'Zach' to find out some information that might help you. I know it might be too early, way too early in fact to start looking. But, think about gender therapy. That would help. People on this site I've noticed are very kind and supportive, let alone helpful. So, already you are well on your way.

See if there is a support group in your area. Or even surf the internet for informative blogs and the such. I do know that androgyny is how 'Zach' feels. Doesn't want to look too feminine but also doesn't want the testosterone to change everything about him that is 'Zach'. A double-edged knife there. So, for now he is content with just being a little hard to figure out. I hope you find the help you are needing, but you seem fairly sure and certain of yourself already. ~_^

 

Understanding parents is always a very cool thing.

I understand where you are coming from. I have very little dysphoria but I do know I prefer looking, feeling, and being referred to as male. Currently I feel like I am in an in between place where I better fit androgynous till I can begin to work more towards becoming male.

If you have dysphoria, even if it is only a little, and you feel male leaning then there is a chance that you could be somewhere on the trandmasculine spectrum.

As for the wanting to look male at times and wanting to look androgynous at other times. Perfectly fine, I'm the same way. And you can still take T and pull off an androgynous look. You're only able to get those manly muscles if you're willing to work on them. There is also the option of starting on a low dose of T so that the effects take longer to happen. A way of easing you into the changes should change be something you need easing into.

Its great that you have parents that are allowing you to explore and feel out who you are. Perhaps they would be open to talking about your chosen name, maybe you could find a middle name that is make and has the same meaning but make the name you like your first name and go by that.

If you have more questions do feel free to ask on my wall, or in this thread even. The people of EC are amazingly friendly and very helpful.

 

I'm not trans so I don't know how helpful my input can be, but I have a non-binary friend who prefers male pronouns, and I'm pretty sure he's not going to transition despite having been born a female. I also have another friend like this, except she simply doesn't care about pronouns. So whilst I'm in absolutely no position to say whether or not you're trans (only you will really know), have you considered the non-binary identity?

Or, you know, you could just be a guy who wears dresses sometimes. As I said, only you can really choose how to identify. Personally, I'm a (cis) girl who likes to wear masculine clothes about 40% of the time, so even if you feel 100% male, it doesn't mean that you can't have "feminine" characteristics, e.g. wearing women's clothes sometimes. Gender roles are becoming much more fluid, luckily.

 

Ooh, I see!

If you don't want to transition, it doesn't make you any less of a man. If you're not comfortable with the idea of transitioning then you shouldn't have to - or if it's like, you WANT to but the idea makes you nervous then maybe you could talk to trans people who have been through the surgery? I have to have an operation soon and what made me feel less nervous was hearing about how it has positively impacted others who have had that particular operation.

If you like, I could ask a MtF friend about it, because she hasn't had the surgery and as far as I know she isn't on hormones either (although she might be). I mean, a trans person's input would be more helpful than mine, I'm sure! Or, you know, anybody on this site, haha.

 

hey! I'm trans and identify on the male-side of things, and I definitely feel where you're coming from with the preferring androgyny Personally, I want people in society to see and recognize me as a boy, I want a flat chest and a deep voice and a beard. But I would say that my personality, mannerisms, and presentation are more "androgynous" than "masculine". I like eyeliner and sometimes I want to wear dresses, and it's all cool I guess what I'm trying to say is that just because you want to wear dresses or makeup or other stereotypical female things, that doesn't invalidate a male gender identity at all!

 

This thread is super great and all of your comments are helping me out as well.
Stay awesome <3

 

Sorry it took me awhile to respond, haha! I am rather sleepy at the moment... It's 5 am where I live and have been up all night... Well, I have been on here all night! haha

It's funny... Well, not... Maybe ironic, but you know it's not just a trans thing. With names that is. I know alot of people that hate their names for various reasons. My reason. It's just too common! I know that we aren't technically supposed to give various forms of out identity and I understand the safe guard, but for this I don't think it would be an issue. It's Jason. My last name I won't give, but I hate it too! It's because I was bullied over it. They changed the spelling of it or added a word to it to cause alot of issues for me while in school.

Anyway, but I know sooo many Jason's or Jay's so I would rather go by a nickname as opposed to Jason. Same with Jay, just plain J. I like for it to be spelled Jai. It makes it different. So, if someone calls out to me using Jason it's usually unnoticed. Jai I do answer to, but I answer better to a nickname. So, there is a thought... Something to go along with the 'non-binary', nicknames can be rather neutral not having be masculine nor feminine! ^_^