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I can't believe this happened

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by Green251, May 26, 2016.

  1. Green251

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    So, the store I work for has opened a new store. Anyone that has been following my post know what's going on. But my boss there away all my paperwork that had all my phone numbers!!! I have nothing left of all my work I've done. I looked at her like !and she looked at me like oh well. I told her a week ago I have numbers I need in that specific folder! I'm beside myself. I just want to break down.
     
  2. Green251

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    So, since I also miss placed the therapist's number also and it took me so much courage just to go into dv to get it. I ended up trying to talk to a therapist in my dreams last night. And since my husband doesn't believe in therapy I dreamed I was sneaking around, hiding, lying. I ended up getting there but not able to have any substantial amount of time.it was such a rough night and unsettling dreams. It seems when he is happy and OK with life, I'm miserable and vise versa. I'm not allowed to cry.
    I have seizures, and before I left work, my whole body went tingly . pins and needles. My tounge, arms legs, face. Usually I have a place to go. But in the new store there was no where to hide. Eben the office is locked now. I'm just really having a rough time. I really don't how much more I can take or do. I feel so alone. I'm sorry, don't mean to be a downer all the time but I just need to feel like I have someone I can talk to.
     
  3. 1Tiny0wl

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    (*hug*) I'm sorry you are going through such a tough time. You are not being a downer. You are venting and that is totally ok, especially if you have no other outlet to do so. Holding in all of your emotions is not healthy.
    Is there a way to get the number to your therapist again?
     
  4. baristajedi

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    Big big hugs hun, I don't know the back story at your work, but I'm so sorry you are struggling. (*hug*)
     
  5. Butterfly2016

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    You poor girl :frowning2: So sorry for all your trouble. Stay tough. I know its hard, but things have to get better eventually.
     
  6. Really

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    Is there any way you could retrace the steps you took to get the therapist's number in the first place? Not fun, I know but it might be one way to get back in control.

    As for work, maybe you could just step outside for a few minutes. Around back? I'm sure the smokers are doing that, right?
     
  7. FalconBlueSky00

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    Wow that's a seriously crappy day. Your not a downer. Its ok to talk about stuff that's bothering you.
     
  8. Green251

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    I had yesterday off from work. I was debating on if I should try to contact the person that I got the therapist # from. Well I woke up with a migraine and laid back down to rest. Woke up about 8:30 with footsteps coming down the hall. My husband woke up and was ready to start his day. We went to the water park and had fun. But its a grim reminder that if I even want to try to go through with this its not going to be easy. Because every time I want to do something he is there.
    It was a good day.
    He brought up the topic of me cheating in him. I never! Well, he tells me again about how my parents told him I was on a date when we were in college and I was home for the summer. I was not on a date but at my youth pastors sons baseball game. I didn't even stay for the whole thing. He is still saying because my parents told him I was, I must have done it. He hates my parents with a passion. Its better for me not to talk or see them. He makes it misery if I do. So, after hearing this for the past 15 years I told him.... You hate my parents and think they are liars but on this one point you believe them!?!? End of conversation....
     
  9. Really

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    Hey. I like that. You're starting to stand up for yourself. Can't argue with logic. :thumbsup:
     
  10. gryf

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    I highly suggest you talk to the person you got the therapists number from.

    When you do get there, please discuss your relationship with your husband. I am seeing red flags that can indicate an emotionally abusive relationship.

    He is controlling. Won't let you cry?! You seen afraid to do anything that can anger him. You don't tally to your parents because of him. It seems he brings stress to your life.

    Push through, her the number, and start talking. I'm sure you can get through this.

    If you need it (and I very much hope this is never the case), look up the women's shelters in your area. Likely you won't need it, but you may need a few days away and those places can help and be supportive.

    Best
     
  11. Green251

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    I am having major regrets that I should even call to get the number back. It feels like I'm about to go down a path I shouldn't be on....
     
  12. FalconBlueSky00

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    How so? What is the shouldn't? You might have just been having a bad day, but it doesn't sound like your happy with where you are. What's the harm in trying to make life happier and more fun?
     
  13. Green251

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    I have two little people that depend on me... I don't want to mess up!
     
  14. gryf

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    It's because of them you need to help yourself. If he is as negative as you indicate, it could effect your kids as well. I know I was the kid in a family with some similar issues(father was severely depressed and negative and agreed all the time).

    You, as caretaker, need to take care of you so you can take care of them.
     
  15. CameOutSwinging

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    I can totally relate to this feeling. I don't have kids but every time I start down the path of making some necessary changes, I get hit with the feeling that I'm making a mistake. I think it's just our brains fighting our attempts to do what we need to do. That's how we ended up in these situations to start. And our brains aren't going to leave these situations without a little kicking and screaming.
     
  16. FalconBlueSky00

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    Parents do the best they can. Some mistakes are inevitable, but as long as your kids understand how much you love them and that nothing can ever change that they will be ok. Be careful with you mental health, you can beat it down just like you can your body. Without your health you won't be able to take care of anyone. Only you can decide what is the best and what you can live with, but I encourage you to look at where you are without shaming yourself with the shouldn'ts.

    It's been my experince that the should's should go should themselves.(*hug*)
     
  17. RJaye

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    It's understandable to have second thoughts about doing anything with little ones-it's what makes you a parent. You have to because it's part of the process.

    But for you to be the best parent you can be, you need to be healthy. What you have described is a relationship that doesn't sound safe emotionally.

    Therapy can't hurt, and you can quit if you decide it's not the right path. Maybe you can do couples therapy?
     
  18. Green251

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    He doesn't believe in therapy. He doesn't believe in debilitating depression either. He has the mindset that if you stay busy you won't be depressed. But even when I'm busy I have my brain on overtime thinking negative thoughts. He doesn't approve and when he does it won't be pretty. Thus, my hesitation on the whole subject. Can I cope by myself or am I going to plumet into the abyss further? I have used online crisis chats... They tell me I'm strong. I'm trying to believe that.