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Is there any hope at my age?

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by Birdie145, May 24, 2016.

  1. Birdie145

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    I'm fast approaching 50. I'm recently divorced, I left him, big decision but I know I did the right thing - DV.

    I've had one relationship with a woman, I didn't know it could be like that.... it's years ago but I still find myself thinking about her. (I ended it). A song came on the radio, suddenly I'm right back there, remembering how it felt, how confused I was, how incredible it was.

    I've been going to a meet up, it takes courage, I'm out to only one friend, I think one of our adult kids is wondering if I'm gay. My H was abusive, part of his controlling behaviour was I was not allowed to have use of MY car. So consequently my confidence all round and my courage to drive is a real battle, I push myself, talk allowed, tell myself " You are doing so well".

    I turned up for the last meet up - I'd written the date and time down during a meeting, they'd changed it to a totally different day and no one let me know. So I has battled my nervous driving, only to find no one was there. The group leader didn't reply to my text.

    So now I'm left wondering if its a bit clicky? I don't want to push myself into a group if they're a bit closed to new members. I haven't joined properly yet, partly because I'm not comfortable having a profile picture on the net. My ex H still tries to find out where I am. Plus my parents and sister are very homophobic. I don't feel ready to cope with my family,

    I tried a lesbian dating site but it didn't feel right for me. I would like a relationship but at the moment there's no chance.
     
  2. Adray

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    Yes, there is absolutely hope! You have a lot to look forward to, a lot of great possibilities.

    You are doing great, too. Coming out, making progress, etc. - not easy things, and you are doing great.

    Could the friend that you are out to be an ally? Anyone else you might be comfortable coming out to?

    Hugs (*hug*) and good energy your way....
     
  3. Kris9

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    There's always hope!
    You're doing amazing.
    And amazing things are coming your way.
     
  4. Butterfly2016

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    Stay tough girl! You're gonna be okay.
     
  5. Morgana

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    Birdie, I'm 53 (almost 54), and only started experimenting with gender expression and alternate sexuality when I was 52. It's never too late, hon; I promise. Explore, discover yourself, your desires.

    There's no rules that say you have to come out to your family first, or even ever. It's up to you if, how, and when you do. Find yourself and see who you feel like you are. Then, when you have a firmer grounding, think about telling them.

    As for your meetup group being cliquish, that happens sometimes. Older groups in particular can get kind of ossified over time, making it hard for new members to fit in. I'd keep trying and if you keep getting that feeling of being excluded, find another group.

    I wish you the best of experiences,

    Morgana
     
  6. kypso

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    It is never too late :slight_smile:
    It may be just around the corner x
     
  7. Iyea

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    You are not to late. Take this from someone who is also on the way to 50.

    Ok my circumstances are a little different however overall we are the same. Know yourself that we are at that age that we do what we want for us.

    I to was in an abusive relationship. I went through the feelings your having. Hopelessness, Despair, the feeling that any fun you have had is now past tense. But honestly i am now never more happier There is light at the end of the tunnel and its a slow walk but never the less you will get there. Perseverance does pay off.


    Hugs you
     
  8. Birdie145

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    Hi, thank you all for such encouraging responses.

    I have found another group, it's not just for lesbians it's male female and transgender people. So I think I will give that a go. It takes such courage to walk into a group of strangers but I tell myself aloud I'm doing so well! Lol

    I think you're right, I don't really need to be worrying about family turning on me for now. I don't feel very strong, a combination of childhood stuff and DV but I am working on 're building my self, one day at a time.
    I think a big thing for me is knowing what I don't want. Acknowledging I am attracted to women not men is BIG for me.

    So thank you, I'll give this other group a go.
     
  9. Sunny68

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    Good luck Birdie...I'll be 48 in November and although my marriage isn't dissolved just yet, it will be before the year end. I am struggling with letting go of the woman I love and she's feeling the same only a bit more mixed up. I am looking for a group of like minded women but I'm not sure where to start. Thank you for sharing, you've given me some hope when I need it most. Good luck on your journey darlin' =)
     
  10. kyboan

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    One of my most favorite sayings is better late than never. And in this situation I'm sure all of us would agree it applies so greatly here. You're a strong person for what you've endured. Keep it up, your time will come.
     
  11. faustian1

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    Oh God yes, there's hope. I grew up on the west coast of the United States, where in the larger cities it isn't hard to find many older lesbian couples. In some of the cities, they are literally everywhere.

    Women seem to have a much better skill at making friends, unlike we men who are so reserved in letting ourselves be "known" by other guys.

    Perhaps you're an introvert. However, if you work on putting yourself in the right places and with the right women, I'm sure you'll be able to make friends with others and this could lead to a deeper relationship.

    I always envied women for their social abilities in making deep friendships (a generalization, true). Men, on the other hand, well we have such difficulty forming any kind of deep friendship with another male. Unfortunately, most gay men are no better at this than the straight ones.
     
  12. Iyea

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    Yay.

    Thats great you are trying a group. Always options.

    When you do walk in don't feel bothered. Head up high and enjoy the experience.

    Im sure it will be great and at the very least an opportunity to see you are not alone.

    I hope you can come back to us all and tell how it went. I personally would love to read of your adventure.

    Good luck
     
  13. WanderingMind

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    I ran across this video this morning, and thought of this thread. We're never too old.

    [YOUTUBE]k9GrIodaeZI[/YOUTUBE]

    One of my goals is to continue to embrace the life I've been given... for *as long* as I'm given. I've had a wonderful life. It's been difficult to figure out why, but since coming out (to myself, then to my husband, and then to others in my life) I've discovered a well of sadness deep inside of me attached to not having lived my full, authentic life for so many years. Despite the fact that it can be confusing and scary... I trust it will be worthwhile to figure out *how* to live authentically and go for it.

    Birdie, sounds like you're doing what you can to make that happen in your life, too. Let us know how the new group goes!
     
    #13 WanderingMind, May 27, 2016
    Last edited: May 27, 2016
  14. brainwashed

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    Didn't read your post fully but want to comment on your question. Well I see you are typing a message on an LGBT forum. This means you are not dead. This means you are alive. This means that you can experience life. Live to your fullest and without shame.
     
  15. Birdie145

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    Wow! Thank you all so much! There was me thinking it was just me!

    I took myself off for a pub meal - would never have dreamed id go by myself a year ago! The waitress told me she was going to a lesbian wedding today, one of the women had been married to a man, met this lady and now they are getting married. That gave me a bit of hope too. But even if i dont meet a woman to be in a relationship with i know i cant go back to a straight relationship.

    Its going to take me time to recover from my ex husbands DV too so i need to take baby steps.
    Im fortunate to have had a relationship with a woman. I didnt know it could be like that...

    Being honest with myself feels good. I keep getting it wrong though - i am HOPELESS at working out if a woman is gay, i get it wrong all the time, my gaydar is broken lol. So even if a woman liked me i probably wouldnt pick up on it lol.

    I feel a bit wary of joining a group who have a online page - ive been told to stay off things like Facebook by police because my ex still goes on about finding me, its been frightening on top of all the mixed up emotions of working through my sexuality.

    My parents would NEVER allowed any hint of me being gay, im sure my nephew, my sisters son is gay. He has just started dating a girl, my father said, "im so relieved hes got a girlfriend at last!". I feel sad for my nephew, hoping in time if im right he will find the strength to be honest with himself.

    As you said, life is short, im aware of my years past, no more living a lie so family dont feel uncomfortable. I miss being with a woman.
    Thank you all.
     
  16. Sunny68

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    I completely understand Birdie...I mis being with a woman more than I could have ever imagined. =/