Please help - I'm confused and scared

I'm going to try and be as honest and brief as possible here, even though typing this is scary for me.

It's really difficult to explain, but my gender just doesn't feel right anymore. I've felt like this for almost a year, but up until now it's been on-again-off-again, so sometimes I'll feel off-kilter and sometimes I won't think about it at all, but it's gotten worse over the past couple of weeks and I don't know what this all means.

I don't think I'm fully female, but I don't know if I'm trans, genderqueer or just butch. Like I said earlier, I used to have phases every once in a while where I wouldn't want to be referred to with female pronouns and I'd want to present as androgynous/masculine overall, but it got worse after my mother pushed me into waxing my legs for a school dance. It was the most painful and humiliating thing I'd ever felt (which isn't saying a lot because I'm young and quite privileged, but it still felt physically and psychologically awful, and I thought it looked terrible), and for weeks afterwards I couldn't bear to feel my legs or wear anything that showed any skin. It felt like I'd been tricked or cheated out of something. I know it's just body hair, but it felt like I'd lost the one thing that made me look even vaguely masculine, and that scared me so much.

For the prom itself, I had to wear a dress because my mother wouldn't let me wear a suit. Everyone said I looked beautiful, but I couldn't stand to look at myself most of the time because I just didn't feel like myself wearing makeup with a dress.

I feel at home wearing baggy shirts and trousers and suit jackets and hiding my hair in a way that I can't articulate, and now when I wear skirts or sleeveless blouses or short shorts something feels off-balance and not-quite-right a lot of the time. I feel like I have more power, gravitas and confidence when I look more masculine in a way I can't if I'm perceived as a feminine female. I feel invisible when I look too feminine.

At the same time, I don't want to change my body. I sometimes try to flatten my chest when I'm wearing button-down shirts, but I don't feel trapped in the wrong body or that I'd want to change anything about it, just the way that I'm perceived. Also, this is a fairly recent development. I'd always been a tomboy when I was a child but that changed as I grew up, and as I said I've only really been confused for about 9 months or so now.

I don't know. I don't know what I am. All I know is that it's gotten more problematic and I want to work things out before it becomes an even greater problem. I've tried to talk to one of my friends about it and she's done her best but I feel like she doesn't quite understand, and I can't bring myself to talk about this with anyone else. I'm hoping that posting this will provide some catharsis for me, and any and all advice on this would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you so much.

TL,DR: For the past 9 months or so, I've been confused about my gender and feel like I want to present myself as more androgynous or male than female while still keeping my physical body the same. It's starting to scare me and I don't know what to do. Any input is much appreciated.